


Rainy Days in Boston

by JET_MacLeod



Series: Days in the City [1]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 35
Words: 84,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JET_MacLeod/pseuds/JET_MacLeod
Summary: This is going to be a series of one or more shots set on their off days and in down time. I am marking complete because each "snipit" will be a story own its own, but will follow the general time line of the series. Eventually Jane and Maura will be together and you as the reader will see it happen slowly. Somewhat cannon through season 5.
Relationships: Angela Rizzoli & Jane Rizzoli, Barry Frost & Jane Rizzoli, Barry Frost & Maura Isles, Barry Frost & Vince Korsak, Maura Isles & Angela Rizzoli, Maura Isles & Vince Korsak, Maura Isles/Jane Rizzoli, Vince Korsak & Jane Rizzoli
Series: Days in the City [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098074
Comments: 7
Kudos: 68





	1. Healing Clue

**Healing Clue**

Jane was sitting on her couch. Her stomach still hurt from the shot, but she wasn't going to tell anyone. She gingerly moved on the couch trying to get comfortable. She was happy to be sitting upright and eating. The days of her mother fawning over her were almost as bad as the days that Maura came over and tried to coax her into working out. She was independent and wanted to do things at her own pace. She knew that she would be back at her desk and in the field shortly.

It didn't stop the nightmares, though. If it wasn't Hoyt, it was reliving what happened in the precinct over and over again. She was thankful that Maura helped her brother survive the ordeal, but she could still remember the looks on Frost and Korsak's faces when she told them to shoot. She didn't blame them for not taking the shot, but the look of horror in their eyes as she wrestled the gun just enough to pull the trigger was enough to keep her up at night.

She didn't care about medals or ribbons. She wanted to do a good job. She wanted to catch the bad guys and make the streets safer. That was why she was a cop. It wasn't for the pay or glory. She was in it for the pride and justice. So, what if she got hurt every now and again, that was just part of the job. She could take the lumps. She'd proven that with Hoyt.

This was different. This was more life altering, they told her. But, then again, "they" didn't know about her nightmares and that her "boogeyman" had a face and a name. He was the reason that she kept going. She wanted to stop the monsters.

She dropped her head back on the couch. She didn't want to think about him. She did enough of that already. She would rather be at her desk looking at case files and doing paperwork than sitting on her couch nursing her GSW.

She was brought out of her thoughts by a knock at the door. She glanced over at the clock on cable receiver. It was just after two. She pursed her lips in thought, before she pushed herself up off of the couch and towards the door. Her face changing from wonder, to pain, back to wonder, and finally settling on mild anger, just before she looked through her peep hole.

She'd have lost it if it had been her mother. Instead, it was Maura and she had a box in her hands. Jane had to smile. Maura was her best friend and she was just trying to help her get better. She'd even let Jane know that they were talking about her speaking at the Women in Uniform event during Police Week.

Jane was still trying to figure out how to get out of the banquet. When she couldn't find a reasonable excuse, she just decided that she wasn't going. Her mother had already collected her uniform and got it pressed. Korsak helped Maura get Jane's service record so they could make sure that it had all her awards on it. Jane knew that her mother and Maura were planning to drag her there. She'd already made sure that her mother wouldn't come get her. But, seeing Maura in the peephole, she knew that it would take more to shake the ME off her "I'm not going" scent.

Reluctantly, she opened the door and let Maura into her apartment. She looked her friend up and down and let her eyes rest on the long rectangular box in her hands. Maura just smiled and waltzed into the room like she owned the place, like always.

"Morning to you, too, Maura," Jane told her as she lumbered slowly back over to the couch.

Maura walked over to the couch, sat the box down and then looked at the bowl of cereal the Jane had. She realized that the injured detective had been nursing the bowl for some time that day, but she didn't comment on it. Instead, she just went into the kitchen. She knew that Jane liked her junk food and things that weren't overall very healthy for her, so she would cook her something that would help her heal faster. It was her duty as a friend.

"Maur…Maura, what are you doing?" Jane asked as she looked over the back of her couch.

"I'm making you a nutritious breakfast. What you have over there in that bowl cannot be construed as something that I would say is healthy enough to help aid in your healing, so I am going to make you something. Now, if you'll just give me a moment to take stock of what you have in here, I can find something to adequately feed you with," Maura answered her.

"Maur, just come sit down. There is nothing in there. I should know. Mom came over last night and cooked. Tommy and Frankie came over, too. You know the weekly family health and welfare check that Mom orchestrates."

"She loves you, Jane."

"I know," she replied exasperatedly. "Sometimes I wish that she didn't love me quite so much. I haven't had a day's peace since I got out of the hospital, Maur. I just want to lounge around in peace and veg out. Is that too much to ask?"

"For your friends and family, yes, it is. We want you to get better quickly. I know that Frost and Korsak can't wait for you to be back behind your desk helping them with the investigations."

"How are they?"

"Amiable," Maura answered.

"Well that tells me a lot."

Maura finally gave up in the kitchen and came back into the living room. She hovered over Jane for a second. Jane cut her eyes up at her and then looked at the couch. Maura understood the unsaid command and sat down on the couch again.

"What?" Jane asked.

"Are you that upset about what happened that you can't face Korsak and Frost anymore?"

"Maur, I told you in the hospital that I didn't want to talk about it."

"Has the department psychiatrist cleared you for duty yet?" Maura asked her.

"Yeah, last week. I am just waiting on my doctor to release me. He keeps telling me that it will be a few more weeks. He doesn't want me to do something 'heroic' and hurting myself further," Jane told her.

"Well, I am inclined to agree with him. I don't want you to do anything that would cause further injury. To be honest, I wasn't that impressed with you shooting yourself either. That was very reckless of you, Jane," Maura told her.

"I am sorry that doing my job and getting the bad guy seemed like a bad idea. I am not sure if you remember that he tried to kill my brother, and he killed the witness that saw him kill another cop. I didn't think that it would prudent to let him kill me, too," Jane offered sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it like that, Jane."

"Well, forgive me for thinking quickly and taking care of the situation."

"Jane…"

"No, Maura, just no."

"I am sorry."

"It's fine."

"Why don't we go do something?" Maura suggested.

"Have you looked outside? It's raining. I am not going anywhere."

Maura looked out Jane's front windows from her seat on the couch. She looked back at the box on the table and then back at Jane. She knew that Jane needed some sort of mental stimulation or she was just going to keep wasting away on her couch until the doctors told her she should go back to work. She needed to work out, but she wasn't getting off the couch long enough. It was hard to see Jane like this, which was why Maura was there.

"I have a game we could play," Maura offered.

"A game? What kind of game? And not scrabble, I swear you make up words."

"I do not. I can't help it that I use medical terms or the correct terminology for body parts. You would honestly think that being around me during all the investigations would have helped you improve your vocabulary. But, I was thinking something a little more non-cerebral."

"Like what?" Jane asked her.

"Something that we could both agree is a farce and yet, mildly entertaining," Maura answered.

"Like?"

"Clue," Maura replied.

"Clue?" Jane asked.

When she saw the seriousness in Maura's eyes, she started laughing. Her laughing brought on a bought of pain which made her double over somewhat holding her sided and coughing. After she finally managed to catch her breath, she stared back into Maura's eyes and realized that she meant it. Jane just gave her a smile and nodded.

"Sure, Maur. Clue. We can play Clue," Jane told her.

Maura squeaked with enthusiasm. She grabbed the box on the table and opened it. That is when Jane realized that it was wooden box version of the game. There were no cardboard or plastic pieces. No, the board was wood and the pieces were metal. She knew that this wasn't some run of the mill version of Clue from Wal-Mart. Wherever Dr. Maura Isles had found this version, it must have sat her back a few.

She just watched as Maura set up the game. She could only smile at her friend and her enthusiasm. When she was finished setting up the board and handing out the papers, Maura turned with the game pieces in her hand, holding them out for Jane to see.

"Who would you like to be?"

"Miss Scarlet," Jane answered quickly.

"Really?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, what, Maura?" Jane demanded.

"You chose the femme fatale character," Maura stated.

"As opposed to?"

"I don't know. I was thinking that you would have chosen someone with more authority. You know someone like Colonel Mustard," Maura answered.

"The fat old army guy?"

"Well, I guess when you put it that way, it does sound a little farfetched," Maura said.

"Well, Smarty-pants, who are you going to be?" Jane asked her.

"I was thinking about being Professor Plum," Maura replied.

"Of course you were," Jane murmured.

"What?" Maura asked as she turned back from the board to look at Jane.

"Nothing. Let's just do this. You can go first," Jane told her.

Maura just nodded at her. She held the cards out for Jane to pick the murder cards that would go in the envelope. After that was done, she shuffled the cards and dealt them out. Once they were selected, they both took their "detective's notebook" and entered the information that they had from the cards they'd been dealt. She handed the Jane the dice.

"You can go first," Maura told her.

Jane took the dice and rolled. She leaned over, off the couch, and moved her piece. She handed Maura the dice. They continued to move around the board and playing.

For once, Jane didn't feel the pain in her side. She laughed as they played. She couldn't help the seriousness of each "guess" that Maura made as they proceeded through the game. She knew that it was driving Maura nuts to do it, but she was doing it because she knew that Jane would enjoy the game. She smiled at her friend.

In not feeling the pain, Jane actually let go for a while. She just relaxed. She didn't try to think about getting out of her apartment and back to work. She just let go and lived in the moment. Something that Maura had been trying to get her to do for months because she could see how the job was affecting Jane's mental state. Jane was actually finding a new way to let it all go.

"Do you have a guess?" Maura asked her, bringing her back to the game at hand.

"A guess?"

"As to who actually committed the murder, Jane, in the game?" Maura questioned.

"Ah, yes, that," Jane replied.

"So?"

"I think Professor Plum did it in the kitchen with the knife," Jane told her.

"That just sounds so cliché," Maura added.

"It does, but…" Jane stated as she handed Maura the envelope to check.

"You're right," Maura said as Jane began to laugh.

Maura handed her the cards so that Jane could see it. Jane just smiled bigger as she looked at the cards and realized that she had actually won. Maura could only smile at her.

"What? Do I have something on my face? Come, Maur, what is it?"

"How do you feel?" Maura asked her point blank.

Jane looked at her incredulously. She couldn't believe that Maura would ask her that and then she thought about it. It was raining still and they had been at the game for hours. They had tied the score two-two just before Jane won. She'd forgotten her pain.

"Thank you," Jane replied.

"That didn't answer my question."

"I know."

"Jane?"

"What?"

"Seriously, how do you feel?"

"I feel fine, Maur. I feel fine. Wanna play again?"

"No, I thought that we could order a pizza and watch a movie," Maura told her.

"Whatever you want," Jane stated as she reclined back into the couch, smiling at her friend.


	2. Boogey Man

**Boogey Man**

She lay in bed staring at the ceiling. She was more than comfortable but she couldn't find sleep. Things kept running through her head. She kept seeing him standing over her and she could remember screaming and crying. The thoughts wouldn't stop. And, every time she closed her eyes she saw his face. She wondered now that her boogey man was dead if she would find peace. She doubted it. The nightmares hadn't stopped. They'd just changed. Now they included Maura and she hadn't stopped them in time.

She looked out the window when the ceiling didn't give her any comfort. There was a storm brewing, thunder and lightning but it hadn't started raining yet. She figured that the weather suited her mood. She was broody and she knew it.

She huffed as she got out of bed. She knew that she wouldn't be getting any substantial sleep tonight, so there was no use lying on the bed wishing for it to come. She made her way into her living room and stared at her TV. She didn't turn it on; she just stared at it like it had some meaningful answer to some question that she hadn't thought to ask.

The longer she sat there, the more the memories plagued her thoughts. She tried not to look at her hands. She tried to not touch the base of her neck, but she couldn't stop herself. They were daily reminders of what she'd been through and survived. She wondered if survival was the right term. She was living and going through the motions, but she still couldn't shake his touch.

She knew that if she told anyone how her nightmares were still plaguing her that they would pull her from duty. Police work was her life. She could not not work. She'd proven that after she'd shot herself in the gut. She'd pushed and pushed to get back to duty, in whatever capacity they would let her. She didn't want to do anything else. Policing is what she was good at. It was what she knew. She didn't care that she never knew what she would be getting into each day. That was part of the adventure of her work.

She knew that she would have bad days, hard days or damn near death experiences. She counted on them. She wasn't a dare devil, but she wasn't exactly known for playing it safe either. She was one of the youngest detectives in the Boston units. She pushed herself harder than everyone else and she did it to prove that she belonged there. She knew that there would be cases that would stick with her. She wasn't stupid. She didn't expect to get her own personal boogey man.

She gazed out the window just behind her TV and saw that it had started to rain. Thunder and lightning exploded outside. She hoped that the rain would help her fall asleep. She hoped that it wash the negative feelings that she had away before morning.

She looked over at the cable box's digital display. The clock was showing the time in its brilliant green neon. It was just three AM. She didn't have to work in the morning, but she was still going to get up at seven for her early morning run. Maura would be waiting for her at this rate. She shook her head and stood up.

She huffed out as she walked back to her bed. She lay down and hoped that maybe she could get some zzz's before the alarm went off. She lay there and closed her eyes. She tried to will herself to go to sleep and not see him in her dreams.

She was just starting to drift off when she heard a banging at her door. She jolted up. Breathing hard and trying shake out the bad thoughts her brain was creating, she reached over and drew her Glock. She stepped softly to her door. She didn't want to alert whoever was at the door that she was on the way. It worked. They knocked again, hard.

She took a deep breath and stepped just behind the door. She leaned into the wall, her weapon at the ready, as she leaned up to look out the peep hole in the door. She let out her breath and sank back down on the flats of her feet. Her dark eyes took in the figure just outside her door.

She shook her head and up locked the door. She unlatched the safety chain and slowly answered the door. She kept her right hand, wrapped around her Glock, behind the door as she opened it with her left. When it was open just enough to let her visitor in, she motioned them in with her hand. As soon as they were in her apartment, she shut the door, locked the deadbolt and handle, and latched the door chain.

When she turned around, she still had her Glock in her head. She had her hand hanging by her side. It was then that she took in her guest's appearance.

"Maura?" she asked as she took a quick step forward.

"I am sorry for coming over so late. I hope that I didn't wake you. I just…I couldn't call."

"Why not?"

"I needed to see for myself."

"Needed to see what?" Jane asked her.

"That you were really alive. I needed to see for myself that you were breathing. A voice is something that can be faked and I honestly couldn't be sure that I wasn't still asleep. So this was the only that I could appease my brain with the knowledge that you were indeed at home and safe. I am sorry that I've disturbed. I'll go now that I have my proof," Maura stated as she headed for the door.

Jane reached out and stopped. She saw the fear and the worry in Maura's eyes. This wasn't the same as when they were in the morgue and Jane was begging her to save her brother. This wasn't the same as when Maura watched her shoot herself to stop the perp. This was different. This was Maura trying to face fears that she didn't want to name. Jane silently cursed the man that had robbed them both of sleep tonight.

"Jane?" Maura asked as she picked up the mumbling that she was saying.

"It's nothing, Maura. It's fine. I wasn't asleep."

"You weren't?"

"No," Jane answered as she tried to usher them back to the couch to sit.

"Why not?"

"I just can't."

"Jane…" Maura warned.

"Fine. It was Hoyt. Happy?" Jane asked with some thinly veiled anger.

"Yes and no," Maura answered.

Jane leaned forward and set the Glock on the coffee table. She sat back and looked into her eyes. She couldn't see the hazel because she still hadn't turned on any lights. The brief flashes of lightning weren't enough for her to see the depth of emotion in Maura's eyes, but each flash gave her a rare glimpse into the scientific woman's psyche.

"Do you want something to drink?" Jane asked her.

"Some tea?"

"I think I got some of that crazy stuff that you brought over here a few months ago. That good?" Jane asked as she went into the kitchen to find the box of tea. "Cause if not, all I got is beer."

"As unpleasant as your taste in beer is, I don't think that I would mind one if there is no tea."

Jane just stared at the back of her head. She knew that Maura was really shook up if she was willing to drink a beer. She rooted through her cabinets until she found the box of tea. She pulled it out setting it on the counter. She grabbed her kettle and filled it. Placing it on the stove eye, she started heating the water. She opened another cabinet and grabbed two mugs. She set them on the counter next to the box tea.

She leaned on the counter, rubbing the bridge of her nose with her fingers. Hoyt was supposed to be her problem, not Maura's. She cursed herself for Maura being there. She tried to think how she would have kept the woman away but she couldn't think of any scenario where Maura didn't follow her into that infirmary.

She didn't realize that she was punching the counter until she felt Maura's hand on hers. Their eyes met, but they didn't need the light to see the anguish in them. Jane pulled her hand away and grabbed the whistling kettle. She poured water in both mugs as Maura put a tea bag in.

"Jane?"

"Yeah, Maur?"

"Did punching the counter make you feel better?"

"No."

"Then why did you do it?" Maura asked her.

Jane cocked her head. _Because it was there. I wanted it to be him so I can bash his face in. Cause if I could do that, then maybe I wouldn't be seeing him every time I close my eyes._ It was a purely emotional response and it was something that she knew that Maura might not completely understand. Maura thought things through. She tried to rationalize things. Jane went with her gut and what she knew. She drew upon her experiences and her heart. There was a gray for Jane, but there wasn't for Maura.

"It was an emotional response?" Maura asked trying to help her explain the irrational gesture.

"Yes."

"Did it help?"

"In a manner of speaking," Jane replied as she dunked the bags of tea in the hot water a few times, absentmindedly and not pay attention to the face that Maura was making.

She immediately looked up when she heard pounded on the counter just in front of her. She reached out quickly to stop Maura from hurting herself. She wondered if Maura could even see the look that she was giving her at the moment.

Without letting go of Maura's hands, Jane quickly moved around the counter. When she was standing in front of Maura, she pulled her slightly away from the bruised counter and a little more towards the couch. Maura allowed the movement like she was in a daze. Before they got to the couch, Jane stopped their movement and went back for the mugs. Then she gently helped Maura around the back of the couch and sit down. As soon as she was settled, she handed her one of the mugs.

"Drink," Jane softly commanded.

Maura took a tentative sip and then another. She let out a sigh and then leaned forward towards the coffee table. She sat her mug down on it. She leaned back and let out a deep sigh.

"How do you do it?"

"How do I do what, Maur?" Jane asked.

"How do deal with it all?"

"I run. I beat the bag at the precinct gym. I run. I drink. I run."

"Does it help?" Maura asked her.

"Sometimes," Jane answered.

"And, when it doesn't?"

"I run some more."

Maura let out a small laugh. She knew what Jane meant. She just kept going. She couldn't stop because the killers didn't. She was good at her job. She never stopped hunting the murders and trying to get justice for the victims. Maura helped her in that crusade.

"And, when you can't run?"

"I work the case. I go back over everything until I know I have enough and then I go get the bastard or bastards. I make sure that they end up behind bars," Jane told her.

"And, when that doesn't make the nightmares stop?" Maura asked.

"I sit up and listen to the rain and hope that tomorrow will be a better day."

"Oh," Maura answered, leaning forward and getting her mug.

"Want to talk about it?" Jane offered.

"Not really," Maura replied.

"Are you okay now? Because you know that I am okay? Will you be able to sleep now?"

"I don't know," Maura answered truthfully.

Jane leaned towards the coffee table and set her mug down. She leaned back on the couch and took Maura's mug. She set it down on the table beside her mug. Maura just watched her. She didn't know what Jane was doing, but she figured that Jane was trying to help her deal with the nightmares.

"Come on," Jane told her, standing, holding out her hand.

Maura had to focus, but she finally saw Jane's hand in a flash of lightning. She reached out and took it. Jane pulled her into her own body and held the doctor. Maura couldn't help the shaking that she was doing as Jane just held her. She couldn't believe how good it felt for another person to just hold her. She didn't understand it, but she knew that Jane was trying to keep the boogey man at bay for her. Once again, Jane was trying to protect her, while ignoring her own pain.

"Jane…"

"Come on," Jane replied.

She pulled her through the living room and down the hall into her bedroom. They'd shared a bed together before. Usually it was from staying up all night talking and falling asleep, but this was different and they both knew it. This was comfort. This was understanding. This was two people who were plagued by the same boogey man, trying to help each other find sleep.

Jane got her settled in the bed before running around the bed and getting in the other side. Once she was in and settle somewhat, she reached across the pillow and gathered Maura up into her arms. Maura came willingly, placing her head on Jane's shoulder.

"Jane?"

"Shh."

"But, Jane?"

"Just listen to the rain washing everything away, Maura. Tomorrow will be better. Just be quiet. Listen to the rain. Let it lull you into sleep. I promise that I'll still be here when you wake."

"But, Jane…"

"Maur…"

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Maura."

"We're still running in the morning?"

"If isn't still raining, yeah," Jane replied.

"Thank you."

"Goodnight," Jane told her as she started to listen to her breathing even out as she fell asleep.

Jane watched her sleep for a few minutes. She was still pissed at Hoyt, but she knew that she could find comfort with Maura. Feeling her against her and knowing that she was there, she knew that Hoyt was dead. He couldn't hurt them anymore. He was just a memory. She didn't have to be worried about him coming for her in the middle of the night. And, that helped her finally fall asleep as she listening to the distant thunder and lightning and the constant rain.


	3. Blue Moon Breakfast

**Blue Moon Breakfast**

Jane sat in the Dirty Robber nursing her beer. She was glad that the case was over. But, she was happier that she and Maura were actually talking to each other again. She took another drink, and realized that she had never been mad at Maura to begin with. She was mad at Agent Dean and Paddy Doyle, but more at the situation. It was a lose-lose situation no matter how Jane looked at it.

She took another swing of her beer as she looked across at the empty seat of the booth. She let out of huff. She couldn't believe that it had been three days since she'd had to cut Maura's leg open to save her. She was just glad that Korsak showed when he did. She took another drink. She didn't want to think about it. She shook her head, wondering how they kept getting into scrapes like that. First, Hoyt. Then, Maura's father, Paddy Doyle. And, now this. It was beginning to be too much.

She finished the beer and nodded at the barkeep. He nodded back and she knew that another beer would be on its way to her soon. She looked at booth back again. Neither one of them would back down. They had a passion for their work, wounds and situations be damned. She reached out to take the new, cold beer from the waitress before it hit the table. She took a sip, still boring holes into the seat back.

Silently, she decided that she wouldn't take Maura into the field with her anymore. It was too dangerous. She would make sure that some other tech went out. She didn't want to risk Maura's life. There were too many things that she good at. She could…. She knew that she had to stop that train of thought. It wouldn't do anyone any good. Plus, she knew that Maura would just go behind her back to scenes. She'd already proven that when she went back to the arson scene without proper backup. She took another drink, looking at the empty booth.

Jane couldn't figure out why she was so damn upset about this. They had been in scrapes before. They'd been shot at. Why was this so different? Jane couldn't put her finger on it. Then, she remembered being in the infirmary with her when Hoyt attacked them. She shook her head. She took another sip, still staring at the empty booth. Then, it hit her. It was the blood.

She was shaken up by the attack from Hoyt. She was injured and fighting her own boogey man. Sure she'd processed that Maura had been attacked, too, but it was different. Jane snapped. She attacked both men because they hurt Maura. This time, she didn't a chance. She'd been handcuffed and put in her vehicle, left to die, and Maura was really hurt. She couldn't focus on the bad guy because she was too busy trying to figure out how they were going to get out.

"Hey, Jane, it's almost closing time," the barkeep called out to her.

She smiled and lifted one finger. He understood the gesture, one last beer for the road. She knew that she wasn't driving home tonight. Once the beer was on the way, she made another gesture. He smiled and called her a cab. She was glad that Frost had dropped her off. It had been so she would have time to think. Instead, she'd been staring at the empty seat across from her for hours as the "what ifs" flowed through her brain horribly.

"Hey, Jane, cab's here," the keep told her.

She nodded at him. She grabbed her beer, that last one of the night that she'd been nursing, and downed it in one go. She got up from the booth, bottle still in hand, and headed towards the door. She handed the empty bottle the keep just as she passed the end of the bar. She gave him a quick two fingered salute as she stepped out into the night.

She poured herself into the cab. When the cabbie asked for an address, she gave one without thought. She wasn't really paying attention to where she was going until the cab pulled up in front of Maura's house. She looked at the small mansion and shook her head. She walked around the side.

She knew that she had a key to get inside. Maura had given it to her ages ago, but tonight was not the night to use the key. She made her way around the side of the main building to the small courtyard that separated the main house from the garage. She knew that her mother was upstairs, above the garage, in the small garage apartment. She hated herself in that moment, but she really didn't have a choice. She was already there, had no vehicle, and she wasn't sure that her mother wouldn't kill her in the morning if she found out that she'd been there and hadn't come up.

She made her way up the stairs to the apartment. She knocked on the door. She looked at her watch and cursed under her breath. It was later than she thought. She knew that this was a really bad idea, but she knocked again.

Her mother opened the door. Angela took one look at Jane and pulled her into the apartment. There were no words said. There was no need and Jane knew it. She knew that her mother could smell the alcohol on her. She'd seen her mother clean her father up too many times in high school and now, here she was, making her mother do the same for her. She felt like an ass.

"Ma…"

"Not tonight, Jane," Angela told her as she made up the couch.

"Ma…I'm sorry…"

"Janie, just get some sleep. If you want to talk, we'll talk in the morning. I'll be making pancakes in Maura's kitchen at seven. I'll wake you up. Don't get sick on my rug."

Jane felt her head hit the couch cushion. She closed her eyes and willed the hangover not to come in the morning. She stared at the ceiling hoping that she was wrong about the whole ordeal and her mother wasn't that upset with her. Her last thoughts were of her mother, Maura and breakfast. She will herself to survive long enough to see it through. She hoped that she was somewhat coherent in the morning, because she didn't want to see the disappointment in either of their eyes over the breakfast table.

The early morning light came through the sheers that her mother had hung on the few windows in the apartment. Jane sat up and looked over at the coffee table. It was barely seven fifteen. She damned her internal clock. She looked down at the glass of water and two pills. She grabbed them without any thought and took them, drowning them with the water as she gulped it down. She stood up and was thankful that room wasn't spinning.

She grabbed her shoes and put them back on. She knew she looked like shit, but she knew that if she didn't make appearance at the breakfast table, her mother would inform Maura of her late night. She didn't want that and she didn't know why, but she didn't. She ran into her mother's room and grabbed a solid colored shirt. She put it on, grabbed her jacket, and headed down to the kitchen to have breakfast.

When she came in the back door, she noticed that Maura still wasn't down. She looked around the kitchen. Her mother was really going all out. She knew it was because she was worried about Maura. It was her way of trying to make Maura feel better. Jane smiled because she was glad that Maura had her mom and that her mom had Maura.

She shook her head as Angela came up beside her. Angela took her jacket off her and draped it over the back of one of the dining room chairs. When she came back into the kitchen, she handed Jane another glass of water. She drank it quickly and without a word. Angela shook her head at her daughter as she walked down the length of the counter. She picked up a dish and made her way back to Jane. She handed her a spoon and bowl. Jane absentmindedly stirred the contents without looking down into the bowl.

"I'm sorry, Ma…"

"Janie…"

"I didn't realize what I'd done until I was out front."

"You didn't try to wake Maura?" Angela asked her.

"No, Ma, I came right around to the apartment."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. I guess I want you to be mad. I want some sort of punishment or something."

"You aren't in high school anymore, Jane. You're an adult. You had a few drinks and you decided to see your family in that condition instead of going home to wallow in your thoughts."

"Yeah, something like that," Jane replied.

"I know. Talk to her, Jane. You've forgiven each other because of the stuff with her father. I don't know what has you both upset now, but you need to talk about it. You can't keep getting drunk and hiding from each other. It isn't going to help and your work is going to suffer."

"Yes, ma'am," Jane replied handing her mother back the bowl and getting another glass of water.

"And, you better go to confession this week," Angela added.

"Okay, Ma, I will."

"Good," her mother replied as she started pouring the batter into the skillet.

Neither of them heard Maura come down from her room and join them in kitchen. They were too busy with the making of breakfast to realize that someone else was in the room. When Jane went to the sink for another glass of water, she finally saw Maura out of the corner of her eye.

"Maura!"

"Good morning, Jane," she replied.

"Good morning."

"Is there a new case?" Maura asked as she took in Jane's attire.

"No, just paperwork," Jane stated, knowing that it was stretch but not a lie.

"Oh," Maura stated as she hobbled over to the counter.

"You don't want to sit at the table?" Angela asked her.

"No, I think that I can sit here and be just as comfortable. Plus this way, no one has to move the plates so many times. I only like to use the table for formal affairs. Breakfast with friends isn't so formal, is it?" Maura questioned.

"No, Maura, it isn't," Angela stated handing her a glass of orange juice.

Jane stood at the end of the counter watching the scene before her. She wasn't sure what she was she was supposed to do. Her head didn't hurt, but she wasn't sure that she didn't smell. She didn't want to be so close to Maura. She didn't want her to know that she had tried to drown her thoughts the night before.

"Are you going to sit down, Jane?" Maura inquired while Jane was lost in her thoughts.

"In a minute," she told her as she got herself a glass of OJ and passed behind her mother, putting space between them as she rounded the other end of the counter.

She sat down with little fanfare. Her eyes met those of her mother, but she still said nothing. Maura turned to look at her. There was worry in her eyes. But, neither Angela nor Maura said anything about Jane's behavior.

Angela's phone rang breaking the silence. She answered it quickly, pointing at Jane and then skillet. Jane immediately got up and took over cooking. She kept her eyes on the stove and the batter. Maura could tell that something was bothering her and Jane knew it. She never acted like this with her.

"Jane?"

"Yeah," she replied still not looking up.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just thinking about the case. And, wondering how much more paperwork I am going to have to fill out because of the car. It was a total loss. The department is going to want a full statement as to how we ended up in the car, in the river behind the dam, and why we were even there to begin with. I am sure that Korsak or Frost will be by to take your statement as well."

"Frost already did while I was in the hospital."

"I didn't know," Jane stated.

"He didn't tell you."

"He can't. Well, not that…we were witnesses to a crime. They have to make sure that we keep our statements separate. I can't know what you said because then I might alter my statement. It is another reason that I can't take your statement," Jane told her as she finished up the pancakes.

She served up the breakfast that Angela started on a plate for Maura and handed it to her. She made another plate for herself and then another for her mother. She then started to slightly clean the stove top. When she was happy with the little bit she did, she walked back around the counter to the seat she'd taken up earlier and sat back down with her plate. She dug in hoping that her stomach wouldn't revolt at the introduction of food.

"Jane…"

"Ya?" she asked with a mouthful of food, still not looking at her.

"I never did thank you fully for doing what you did," Maura stated.

"Don't worry about it."

"But, Jane…"

"Seriously, don't talk about it. It's fine. You're okay. You're mending. You'll be back in the office by the end of the week, I am sure," Jane told her, finally turning to look up at her. "You should eat while it's hot. It won't be good once it's cold."

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened," Jane answered as she stood up with her almost empty plate.

Maura turned on the stool and reached out for Jane, stopping her movements. Their eyes warred. She knew that Maura was looking for an angle in which to get Jane to talk, but she was completely closed off. She had to be. She couldn't think about them being in that car and Maura bleeding. She closed her eyes and willed the thoughts away.

She couldn't stop the small whimper that escaped. She closed her eyes tighter as Maura took the plate from her hands. She heard the plate hit the counter top with a gentle clang. She knew that Maura wasn't going to let it go or her go, now that she had her.

"Jane…"

Suddenly a large boom of thunder crashed outside. Jane's eyes widened. Maura could see her dark brown orbs swimming with unshed tears. When Jane finally met her eyes, the tears spilled over just as the rain started pouring outside. Maura just pulled her closer.

Angela walked back in to tell them that she had to go help Tommy deal with her parole officer when she saw them. She gave them a quiet smile as she hoped that they would talk now. She grabbed her purse of the back counter and silently left the house, cursing her luck that it was raining buckets and buckets. She'd helped her daughter, but for now her son needed her.


	4. Couch Confessions

**Couch Confessions**

She sat on Maura's couch and stared at the wall. They still hadn't talked and she didn't want to anyway. She didn't want to share her feelings. She wanted to go home, take a shower and pretend that last night didn't happen. The fact that her mother had texted her about Tommy's parole officer meeting only made her want to leave more.

She closed her eyes and willed the room to stop spinning. The amount of breakfast that she'd eaten had curbed her hangover. The OJ helped somewhat, too. It was the break down that she had in Maura's arms is what was killing her now. She'd traded one reason for dehydration for another and there was no relief in sight.

She could hear Maura moving around the kitchen. She didn't know what she was doing and all she wanted to do was sleep or yell at Maura. She did neither. She sat there just staring and trying to figure out how she'd gotten herself there.

She heard the tap and a glass fill. She didn't turn to see what Maura was doing. She could hear the crutches that the doctors at the hospital had given her. They had a distinct rubber, slide, rubber sound to them as she moved across the tiled the floor. The more Maura moved behind her, the more Jane tried to figure out how to she could leave without looking too suspicious.

She didn't have anything and she lost the fight when Maura sat down beside her, glass in hand. Maura just handed her the water as she positioned the crutch against the couch and her leg on the coffee table in front of the couch. She took the glass and downed it. After she finished it, she put on the coffee table on a coaster.

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"No."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want you going into the field like that anymore," Jane just blurted out.

Maura turned to face a little more fully. There was worry in her eyes and Jane couldn't place it. The look was foreign but then again, it wasn't. She'd seen it before. She closed her eyes because Jane didn't want to think about that day again.

"Why?" Maura asked after she'd schooled herself a little better.

"You were in danger. There was no reason for you to be there. You aren't trained for field work. Frost or Korsak should have been with me. I shouldn't take you to into situations like that. I can't…I wasn't thinking and you almost died, Maur," Jane told her.

"So did you," Maura countered.

"That's not the point."

"Then what is?" Maura asked.

"I don't want you going into the field."

"Well, that really isn't your problem to worry about, now is it?" Maura almost hissed the question at her.

If Jane has been looking in her eyes, she would have seen the anger building. But, she wasn't. She couldn't. All she could see is all the times that Maura had gotten hurt or in bad situations because she'd gone into the field.

"But, it is, Maura. Can't you see that? I've put you in so many different situations."

"And, that is part of my job," Maura stated.

"No, your job is to tell me who someone is and how they died. It isn't your job to do the investigations. Maura, I know that the whole incident with Hoyt was orchestrated, and you had to be there for the body of that kid, but that didn't mean that you had to go investigate the fire by yourself. You didn't call me. You went on your own and we both know how that turned out."

"I'll admit that it wasn't the best decision that I've made recently, but that doesn't mean that I cannot accompany you into the field. What about the shootout at precinct? Had I not been there, your brother might not have made it. And, who knows what other craziness you would have done besides shooting yourself in the gut? Do you know how risky that is? Shots to lower torso run the highest risk of infection. The shot might not have killed you, but the infection that resulted from the shot would have. Thankfully, you had a good surgeon and me as a friend to help take care of you afterwards," Maura stated.

"Of course that is what you focus on," Jane replied with a huff.

She stood up and began to pace on the far side of the coffee table. She absentmindedly ran her hands around her wrists. Maura knew that it was one of her tells. Jane was hurting and Maura needed to figure out what was wrong. What happened between them that Jane couldn't trust herself to protect her anymore? She watched her pace for a few minutes before she grabbed her crutch and hobbled over to stand in Jane's way to stop her pacing.

Jane came to an abrupt stop. She almost barreled through the medical examiner, but she caught herself just in time. Her eyes were dark and full of emotion. Maura's eyes were dancing. She was trying to read Jane. She'd seen her in various stages of emotional distress, but this was different. This seemed more personal.

"Jane, talk to me."

"I can't."

"Why not?" Maura asked her.

"I almost got you killed, Maur. What am I supposed to say to that? It was my fault that we ended up out there without a warrant and without a clue on how we were going to get back. If Korsak hadn't…" Jane started.

"But he did. Hypotheticals don't matter, Jane. We got out of the situation and we learned from it. There is no reason for you to continue to beat yourself up over it. And, that's what you are doing. You are angry with yourself, while I am thankful that during a high stress time you preformed a high risk procedure and saved my leg. Now tell me, does that sound like something that you should feel bad about or does it sound like something heroic?"

Jane didn't answer. She made a move to step around Maura, but Maura caught her and held her in place. She grabbed Jane's chin and held it firmly. She waited to say something to her. She wanted Jane's undivided attention. When she finally saw Jane's dark eyes meet hers, she spoke.

"I think that it was heroic. You stopped worrying about the case for a split second and saved my leg and ultimately my life. So, stop feeling sorry for me because I don't. I am extremely grateful that you were there with me and that you were able to help me in my time of need."

"But…"

"No, Jane, you needed to be there. We were investigating the fracking. You needed someone who could test the samples quickly. I was the most obvious choice. Things are going to happen to us when we are in the field, be in just on the scene or investigating. We can't always be sure that nothing is going to happen. Every time I go near a body, I risk my own health. Every time you clip on your badge and weapon, you make yourself a possible target. We both knew the risks when we took these jobs. We accepted them and we embrace them."

"But…"

"No, Jane, just no. Tell me why all of the sudden this bothers you so much. I know that we have had a string of interesting cases that have cause more than our fair share of situations, but that doesn't mean that can shut me down and try to keep me in the lab. My job doesn't work that way and you know that. So, why are you suddenly so worried?" Maura asked her still holding her hand and absently rubbing her thumb over the back of Jane's hand, ignoring the scars.

The thunder clashed and the rain pounded on the window. They both turned to look at through the sheers, but Jane still didn't speak. She was just admiring the fire in Maura's eyes and the way that she called her out on her shit. Maura was the best friend that Jane ever had.

"You're my best friend, Maura…"

"And, you're mine," Maura replied.

Jane looked down at their hands. They were no intertwined and Maura was making no move to let go. She looked up into Maura's eyes trying to find something, anything that would let her know what was going on in the scientist's mind. All she could see was worry and care. Jane wasn't sure that she wanted face Maura, but she knew that she couldn't get away.

"Maura…"

"Jane, it's okay to be worried. It's okay to care. You don't have to put up some front every time you put on the uniform. No one is asking you to be invincible. You're human. It's okay to feel. Don't you tell me that all time. Haven't you told me that when it came to finding out whom my real father is? There is nothing that says that you have to be made of stone. I am, for one, glad that you feel things. I think that it makes a better investigator. You go with your gut and most of the time it is right. I cannot do that. I need my science. I need the proof. I cannot lead with my gut like you do. I cannot say that I am envious of that, but you're very good at your job."

"That's not the point," Jane argued.

"Then what is?" Maura asked her.

Jane looked up at her. There was so much that she wanted to say in that moment, but she couldn't. She didn't want to face. She needed to find a way out there. She needed to think. She needed to get away from Maura and just…think. She wasn't exactly sure what she was feeling in that moment, but the butterflies in her stomach were telling.

"Jane…"

Her cell went off. Jane had never been more thankful for someone dying than that moment. She broke her gaze from Maura's and she pulled her hands away as she reached for her side. She grabbed at her cell phone. She looked at the number. It was Korsak.

"I've got to take this."

Maura just nodded. She knew that Jane would need to go. The only time her phone went off with a ring, someone had died. It was one of the draw back to working homicide. If it had been anyone else, they would have texted her. It was like an unwritten rule amongst her family and friends. Plus, Jane had set everyone that was related to the cases and such ringtone to one specific tone. It was just an easier way for her to know that it was work related rather than personal. She knew that as soon as Jane got off the phone she would go and there would be no other time for her to get her alone.

Maura reached over to the table and grabbed her house phone. She called a cab because she hadn't seen Jane's car. She could only imagine how and why Jane had come over last night to see her mother. She knew that it was a discussion for another day.

Jane paced while she was on the phone. She looked at the window and shook her head. She turned around and saw the look on Maura's face. It was almost enough to break her, but she couldn't. Not now, not today, she had a job to do. She tried to remember if she had a spare set of clothes in her locker at the precinct. She couldn't remember, but she knew that she would have to call a cab to take her back to the Dirty Robber to get her car.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Jane said into the phone before hanging up.

She turned back to Maura. She could see the disappointment in her eyes. But she couldn't stay, duty called. She knew that Maura might get called in, but she would try to get her out of it. It would be a long shot, because she knew that they would need her to let them extract the body from the scene. She'd wait until she got there.

"I've got to…"

"Go. I know. I'm sure that I'll see you later. Go. I've already called you a cab," Maura told her just a car honked outside.

"Maura…"

"Go, Jane. Someone needs you to figure out how they were killed. I cannot stand in the way of that. Now, go. I'll see you later," Maura told her.

Jane just nodded. She gave her a strange look as she walked to the door. She didn't want to leave now that she had to, but she didn't want to stay and talk, either. She found herself in a catch 22 and she wasn't exactly happy about it. She turned to say something, but she didn't. She just gave Maura another look and was out the door before either of them could say anything.

Just as Maura got to the door, Jane turned, soaking wet from the rain, and told Maura, "We'll talk later."


	5. Waiting Game

**Waiting Game  
**

She hated hospitals. She hated them with a passion. She didn't want to be there, but she knew that she had to be. She couldn't let her be there alone. She didn't have anyone. She was trying to rationalize everything that had happened over the last week, but more importantly the last forty-eight hours. This wasn't supposed to happen.

She wasn't supposed to be there for two reasons, well really four reasons. She shook her head as she waited. She didn't like waiting and she really didn't like waiting at the hospital. It set her on edge. It made her want to go shoot something.

Korsak watched her. He didn't know what to say to her. They had been through so much, but this he thought might actually break her. Knowing that Maura was down the hall in a operating room getting a kidney removed to save her half sister, while her brother, partner, and nephew were upstairs in ICU because the parking structure failed and collapsed on them, was too much for the detective to deal with.

He watched her deal with her own demons in the hospital after Hoyt. This was different. This was family. This was personal. He saw the murderous look in her eye with the Fire Chief told her that she couldn't go in the building. But, now, it was getting even more dangerous and he knew that she would be all over the investigators looking into the building collapse. She wanted someone's head and she wanted it delivered on a silver platter, quickly and preferably raw.

"Jane..."

"Not now, Korsak," Jane replied quickly.

"Sit down before you wear a hole in the floor."

She turned on him, staring at him. He raised his hands in defeat, but she softened just enough to do as he asked. She walked over the seats on the wall and sat down two seats from him.

"She'll be fine."

"How will she be okay? They are taking her kidney. They are removing a necessary organ."

"But, they are only taking one, Jane. She has two. She'll be fine."

"I'm still mad at her mother about this," Jane replied.

"And, you have every right to be angry with her mother. You're her friend, but this was her decision. Caitlin is her sister and she is choosing to help her. Jane, she knows the risks. She is a doctor. She knows what this means for both her and Caitlin. She didn't go into it blind," Korsak told her.

"I know that. But, after everything, she is still willing to help a mother that doesn't want her by giving her kidney to a sister that doesn't know who she is. It doesn't make any damn sense. She's been far too emotional when it comes to her family and I think that she didn't rationalize this. That she actually just did it because she wants a strong relationship with her birth mother and sister."

"Maybe she does," Korsak stated.

"But, why? Hope doesn't want her. She walked out on her only to come crawling back to beg for her kidney. That isn't a mother. That's….that's...Hell, I don't even know what that is, but...GAH!"

"You don't have to understand it, Jane. It isn't your decision. It was Maura's and she choose to do it. As her friend, I would think that you would respect that," Korsak said.

"I do…. It's just that…. I don't want her to get hurt."

Korsak watched her with his knowing eyes. There more to what Jane was saying than she was letting on. He could see it in her eyes. She was deeply worried about Maura. And, this worry seemed to be stronger than a normal friendship would allow. He sat back and watched as she tried to wait patiently, knowing that she was about to jump up and start pacing at any second.

She was wringing her hands. She needed the movement to keep her head somewhat clear, but Korsak could tell that she wouldn't stop fidgeting until the doctors came out and told her that Maura was okay. She stopped with her hands and now her knee was bouncing. She'd started chewing on her fingernails. He wanted to laugh, but knew that Jane might smack him for it and damn if she didn't have a heavy hand.

"Jane?"

"What?" she snapped.

"Do you want some more coffee?"

"No, I want some news. How long does this take anyway? Ma is not going to be happy."

"Angela will be fine. She is upstairs with Tommy and TJ. Frost's Mom came in earlier today. You're here for Maura," he told her.

"Yeah, so where's her 'mom' now?" Jane asked full of disdain.

"Jane..."

She turned and gave him a look. He knew better than to push it at the moment. She was in a volatile mood and was libel to take it out on the next person that pushed her just a little bit. He hoped that it was someone who could take it and that it wasn't the Lieutenant, either.

"Jane, you know that I didn't mean anything by that. I am sure that Hope is with Caitlin. You can't be angry with her for that," Korsak told her.

"Oh, sure I can. I can be plenty mad with her. I am angry with her. I mean, what kind of person does that? It isn't right, Korsak, and you know it."

"Be that as it may, it still isn't my choice. Nor is it yours. You have to calm down and respect Maura's decision. Maybe she didn't do it out of love. Maybe she did it because she is a compassionate person and she knows the likelihood of Caitlin waiting to find a match could be very slim. She is a doctor, Jane. She knows these things," Korsak replied.

"I know that she knows these things, but that doesn't make this any easier," Jane stated.

She was pacing again. She didn't want to be angry with Maura, but she couldn't help it. She knew that if she was in Maura's position that she wouldn't have given up her kidney without so sort of expression or something from Caitlin. As it is, Caitlin told her that she didn't want her kidney."

"I know."

"So, she is up there giving up her kidney for someone who doesn't want it. I just don't see the point. I...Why? That's what I want to know? Just why is this so important to her to do?" Jane asked as she continued to pace while staring at the generic hospital floor.

"You know why," Korsak replied.

"No, I really don't."

"Did you try to talk to her about it?"

"There was no talking to her about it once she made up her mind. You know that Korsak. She wasn't going to budge on it once she'd decided to do it. There was nothing that I could say that would have changed her mind," Jane explained.

"Did you talk to her or did you yell about it?" Korsak asked her.

She shot him a look. She huffed as she threw her arms up, admitting defeat, and sitting down next to him again. Sometimes, she hated that he knew her so well. He wasn't her partner anymore but don't tell him that. He still had her back like he was and it didn't matter that he technically outranked her. He knew when to throw his weight around on a case with her. He just reached over and took her hand.

"She'll be fine, Jane."

She gave him a weak smile, but she squeezed his hand to let him know that she understood the sentiment. She let out a breath and stared at the wall. So many thoughts running through her head at that moment, but it didn't matter where they started, they always came back to Maura. She was worried and she knew that it might be unfounded, but she couldn't help herself.

She twisted and turned her neck trying to alleviate some of the pain and stress that was gathering there. She heard her neck pop and she felt a little better. She had just reached up to rub the back of her neck when the surgeon came out of the theater to talk to her.

"Detective Rizzoli?" the surgeon asked as he removed his face mask.

"Here!" Jane exclaimed as she stood bolt up right off the chair. "I'm here. What happened? Is it bad?"

The surgeon for his chagrin held back a snort. He reached up and took off the cap and held in his hands with the surgical mask. He motioned for Jane to follow him into another room away from the waiting area. She turned back to Korsak with a worried look, but he ushered her onward with his hands. Once they were in the other room, the surgeon had Jane sit down.

"Detective," he started.

"Is she okay?" Jane asked, her voice breaking.

"Detective, she's fine. I was the head of her surgical team. My name is Doctor Cassell. We didn't get to meet before we started the procedure. I am sorry for that. I was in the middle of another operation at the time, but Maura told me that you would be the most worried out of everyone. I am here to assure, Detective, that your friend, Doctor Isles is fine. We completed the procedure without any issues. Everything went according to plan. In a few days time, she'll be able to go home. We just want to keep her overnight at the minimum to make sure that there aren't any complications," he told her.

"Complications?"

"As with any surgeries, there is the possibility of infection. We will monitor the surgical area. We are always careful, but sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. We want to make sure that she has had the best care available to her. This includes not only her care here at the hospital, but also at home. She will have someone there with her, correct?" he asked.

"Umm...yeah, she will."

"She assured me before we went into the operation that either your or your mother would be there to help her if she needed any assistance. Is this correct? Because if it isn't, I will have to keep her a few more days in the hospital," he stated.

"No, no, one of us will be there with her. I have some due overtime from work. I am sure that they can handle things without me for a couple of days," Jane assured him.

"Okay, that's good. I'm going to go back in and to recovery to see how she is doing. I'll send nurse out to get you once she's in a room," the doctor told her.

"Thanks, Doc," Jane replied.

"Calm down, Detective. She's fine. She's fit and in excellent health. She'll be back up and running in no time. And do me a favor when you see her," he stated.

"Yeah?"

"Don't look worried. She'll be coming out of her anesthesia still. It will make her think that something bad happened while we were in there. You'll freak her out and we don't need that, okay?"

"I got it. No problem. Look calm and collected. I can do that."

The doctor just nodded, got up and left the room. Jane sat there for a minute trying to collect herself. A small smile crept across her face. Maura was okay. She was fine. Everything went according to plan. There was nothing for her to really worry about. She finally got up from the chair and went back into the hallway where Korsak was still waiting for her.

"So?" he asked her a little impatiently.

"She's fine."

"Told ya," he remarked.

She playfully punched him in the shoulder. He had the nicety to look injured. He held his arm and said, "Ow." She gave him a look, and then smiled at him.

"So, we going to see her?" Korsak asked her.

"After a nurse comes to get us. She's still in recovery right now. Oh, and the doctor told us to act normal when she wakes up. He doesn't want her to think that anything bad happened during the surgery," Jane explained.

"I think that was more for you, Frizz, than me."

"I need to call Ma."

"She still upstairs with Tommy and TJ?"

"Yeah," Jane said quietly.

"Go call her, Jane. I'll wait her for the nurse. Check in on your brother and nephew. As soon as we see to Maura, I want you to go upstairs and physically check on them."

"Alright, I will," she told him as she stepped off to the side.

She dug out her cell and dialed her mother's number. Her mom answered quickly, immediately thinking that something had happened to Maura. Jane spent five minutes just calming her mother down and assuring her that Maura was okay. That was the reason she was calling. The surgery had gone well and everything looked good. She let Angela know that Maura would be home in the next day or so and that they would take turns staying with her around Jane's work schedule. Once Angela was happy with the new about Maura, Jane finally got her to tell her about Tommy and TJ.

She sighed in relief to hear that her nephew only had minor bruises and bumps. His car seat had protected him from most of the damage when the concrete collapsed. Tommy was still getting X-rays but from what Angela could tell it didn't look like he would need surgery. If everything went well, they would be able to go home tonight. Angela would stay with them if they did.

Jane nodded at her mother's words even though she knew that she could see it. It was mainly a reflexive move. She said her goodbyes to her mother as she saw Korsak waving her back over to the waiting area.

She had just put up her phone when the nurse addressed her.

"Yeah, I am Jane," she told the nurse.

"If you'll follow me, I'll take you to Doctor Isles' room," the nurse told her.

She motioned for Korsak to follow her. The nurse used her badge at door and ushered them through. They followed her through the corridors until they came to the post surgery wing. The nurse stopped just outside of room number 4824.

"She's in there," the nurse said and moved out of the way.

"Thanks," Jane answered as she walked into the door.

Korsak followed her into the room. They both stopped when they saw Maura in the bed. It wasn't right and they knew it. Maura didn't get sick. She was a health nut and seeing her in that bed did things to both of them. They shared a look before Maura woke up a little more and realized that they were there.

"Hi," Maura said softly from the bed.

Jane's head whipped around and she looked down at her before saying, "Hi."

"Bad day?"

"Yeah, something like that," Jane replied.

"Well, I saved a life today," Maura stated still slightly drugged.

"I know, sweetie. I know. Go back to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Okay, Jane. Don't forget to tell Angela. Oh, and make sure that Suzie knows to run the tests."

"Already taken care of, Maura. You take care of yourself right now. That is all you need to worry about."


	6. Paddy Dearest

**Paddy Dearest**

Jane threw her heels at her closet, glad to be out of them for the day. It had been long few days, but she was glad that she was able to get some closure for the girl's mother. If there was one thing that she hated about her job, it was a case going cold. She sat on the end of her bed and took off her hose.

She had just lain back on the bed when there was a knock on the door. She sat up quickly and stared at mirror on the back of her closet door. She was tired. She could see it. She stared at her reflection for a few moments and then there was another knock at the door. She cocked her eyebrow in curiosity but got up to go see who it was.

"Maura?"

"Jane."

"What's wrong?"

"I...I...can I come in?" Maura asked her.

Jane stepped back and allowed her to enter the apartment. She could tell that Maura was upset. Something was definitely weighing on her mind. She was still in the dress that she'd worn to JT christening. Jane gave her a questioning look. When Maura collapsed on the couch, Jane knew that it was something very serious.

"What is it, Maura? Nightmares again? Something happen at work?" Jane asked her.

"Yes, something happened."

"Can you tell me?"

"I am not supposed to, but I need to talk to someone."

"Can you tell me without breaking confidentiality?" Jane questioned.

"I can try, but it concerns my father."

"Paddy?"

"Yes."

"Maura, I am not sure that. You know what, fuck it. Just tell me. You're my friend and this is personal for you. This is just some regular case, I can tell. Just tell me what you can and gloss over what you can't. I am sure that I make the proper inferences from that. I am promise that I won't respond like a detective but as your friend," Jane told her taking her hand.

"I think Paddy killed Cavanaugh's wife and child."

Jane dropped her hand and stood up. She started pacing the living room. She turned abruptly in the middle of her stride and looked at Maura. She could see the pain and frustration in Maura's eyes.

She didn't deserve this. No one did. She was just doing her job and she was good at it. The last two cases were hard enough and now, she was having to deal with her father again. It was too much...for all of them. Jane wondered if they would ever really be free of Paddy's influence.

"Maura, you don't think about things like this. Did Paddy do it or did he order someone to do it for him? You know something about it, don't you? Maura, tell me. I promise that I won't go to Cavanaugh until we know for sure, but if you think that Paddy did it, I need to know now," Jane told her as the detective and friend fought over what do to about Cavanaugh.

"I mean I not completely positive, but all the evidence points to Paddy. The only problem with that is that the investigator that did the report worked for Paddy. It is all circumstantial, but it is all pointing at Paddy. He'll be able to get off because of the issues with the arson investigator. He will be blamed for the killing and not Paddy. The most that he will get charged with is conspiracy. Jane, I think he did it but I can't make it stick completely."

"Let us help," Jane urged her.

"But, Cavanaugh…"

"I'll talk to Korsak. I know that he'll help us. You shouldn't have to do this alone."

"But I am the chief medical examiner of the Commonwealth. The FBI has asked me to look into this, too. I can't not do it, Jane. I can't walk away from the case. I want to know exactly what kind of monster my father is. I know that he is a Southie Mob boss, Jane. But, does he actually have blood on his hands?" Maura asked her.

"I don't know, Maur."

"I need to know."

"Why?'

"Because he's my father."

It sounded like it should make so much sense, but it didn't. Jane couldn't think like Maura. She never pretended to, but this was beyond science and family. This was psychology. This was beyond what Jane was comfortable with, but she wasn't going to run away from this. She promised Maura that she would help her with it.

"Okay, Maur. We'll go see Korsak tomorrow. You can explain to him what you have and then will start our own investigation. I am sure that we can cover with Cavanaugh. We'll only tell him once we know and you have to give your reports and evidence to the FBI so they can get Paddy once and for all," Jane told her.

"We'll have to reopen Cavanaugh's case."

"I'll take care of it, Maura. Don't worry about that. We'll handle the investigation, you handle the science. No one will be able to deny the proof we come up with."

"And, if it wasn't Paddy?" Maura asked.

"Then is wasn't Paddy."

"But, what if he ordered it?" Maura questioned.

"That will be up to the prosecutor," Jane answered.

"I want him to pay if he did something."

"And, he will. We'll make sure that he does, Maura. They all do something stupid and it eventually gets them caught. If Paddy did something stupid, you'll find it," Jane assured her.

"He did do something stupid."

"What?" Jane asked her cocking her head at Maura.

"He gave me up."

Jane wanted to laugh at the irony of it. Paddy had given Maura to the Isleses to raise her and to protect her. He knew that Maura would be a target not only from his own father but also other mob associates and factions and just because she was his daughter. He didn't want her to have that life. But, he never knew how smart his daughter was going to be and that she would be the one that would find the proverbial nail in his coffin. If Paddy had done something, Maura would be the one to find it. But, she was making this personal because of Cavanaugh.

"Do you want it to be Paddy?" Jane asked her because she needed to know.

"No, I don't. I really want it not to be him. I want him to have nothing to do with it."

"Why?" Jane inquired.

"Because I don't want to hate my father."

Jane nodded at her reply. She didn't know how to respond. She could sort of understand where Maura was coming from. She wanted to ease her mind and she knew that the only way that she could do that was to prove or disprove that Paddy had something to do with Cavanaugh's family's murders by arson. She shook her head slightly because she knew that it was going to be a hard case and it was going to be an emotional case. Everyone was going to be on edge.

"Can we talk about something else?" Maura asked her.

"Absolutely."

"Did Tommy call that lawyer yet?"

"I don't know. I haven't really talked to him since he got out of the hospital and he made up with Lydia. Mom told me that he was working with someone about a law suit, but I haven't had time to ask him about it. He's been trying to repair things with Lydia and make a go at being a family. I am proud of him for that. He wants to be there for them both," Jane stated.

"He is s a good man."

"He is," Jane replied. "Do you want a beer or something? I think I have some wine if you want."

"That would be nice," Maura answered.

Jane got up and went into the kitchen. She grabbed two wine glasses and made her way to another cabinet. She pulled out a bottle of red wine. She didn't know what it was and at the moment she didn't care. She just knew that they needed something to drink. It would do. She grabbed her corkscrew and opened the bottle. She let it breath for a minute while she rinsed out the glasses. Once they were dry, she poured them both a glass of wine. She picked up the glasses and the bottle and headed back into the living room.

She gave Maura a glass and then sat down beside her. She took a sip and then leaned back into the couch. She took another sip and then turned to look at Maura. She shook her head at the sight of Maura still ramrod straight, sitting with perfect posture as she sipped her wine.

"Do you ever relax?" Jane asked her.

"I am relaxed," Maura answered.

"You could be more relaxed," Jane said.

"I could be, but I don't think that I will be until I know for certain if Paddy did it."

"I get that, but you need to sleep or something. It isn't good for you to be this stressed. When you're stressed you make mistakes," Jane added.

"I don't make mistakes."

"Maura, people who are stressed tend to make mistakes. You need to just let go for the night. We can think about it later. For now, just don't think about work or the case or the FBI. Just think about something else, like some conference or something that you are going to go to or speak at in the next few months or so. You do have conference to do, right? I mean, someone has asked you to do one, right? Cause you are like one of the most brilliant ME's in the country," Jane told her.

"They have and I've accepted to being a speaker at one of them, but I am not sure that I should go."

"Why not?"

"It's in Vegas."

"But they have the second largest crime lab in the country behind the FBI. I would think that you want to take a tour of it or something. That would be the highlight of my trip, if I was going. I just...would want to see the lab. I generally fall asleep at the lectures."

"Well, that's good to know," Maura stated.

"Because Cavanaugh signed off for you to go."

"Why?"

"Because of the nature of the topic and you were the lead investigator on the case," Maura said.

"On what case?"

"Hoyt's."

"I am never going to be rid of him, am I?" Jane asked rhetorically.

"Well, he is dead, Jane. Technically, you are already rid of him. But, he is a fascinating case and it was good police work and forensics. We all had a part in the case, Jane. That is what the FBI conference will be about," Maura told her.

"So it isn't just about Hoyt?"

"No, it will be about using forensics and team work to catch a killer. Then, it will go into specifics on what was done in order to bring him down. It has become a case study for the BAU and other organizations. They are especially interested in the fixation that Hoyt took with you. They want to study the psychology of it as well as they casework and forensics. It could help other departments with their cases. Sometimes you need to see things from another perspective in order to help you find what you need," Maura explained.

"Do we really need to go to a conference in order to learn how to 'look outside the box'?" Jane inquired.

"Well, yes," Maura said with a little bit of excitement in her voice.

"Oh, joy, I can't wait," Jane replied as she finished her wine.

in a room with hundreds of people. She wanted it to be over. She was tired of the nightmares. She was tired of her Boogey Man. He was dead. It should be over. She didn't care that it could help other departments with their cases.

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"I thought you would be happy that it was in Vegas. You are always telling me that you need a vacation. Can you not find something to do that you would in enjoy in Vegas? I am told that it is a very entertaining town," Maura stated.

"I am sure that it is, Maura, but we would be there on business. I don't know how much fun we would be able to have. And, spend all day in Vegas locked in conference rooms isn't my idea of fun."

"That's why I pushed the dates out a little."

"Huh?" Jane asked as she poured them both so more wine.

"I told Cavanaugh that the conference would last two weeks, but it is only like four days or so."

"And, he bought it?"

"He didn't deny you the dates," Maura stated.

"So we will have almost two weeks in Vegas to do as we please?"

"Yes, we will, besides the conference," Maura answered.

"YES!"

"I take it that makes you happy."

"It does. But, there is one thing to remember about this trip, Maura. And, it is very important," Jane told her.

"What's that?" Maura asked, cocking her head in question and sipping her wine.

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."


	7. Burgers and Kale

**Burgers and Kale**

Jane looked at Maura over her beer. Maura was steady eating her kale salad and looked pleasantly happy with herself. It made Jane want to throw something at her, but she smiled at her friend. She took a sip of her beer as she

"What?" Maura asked breaking her concentration.

"I am just wondering how things are between you and Caitlin. You haven't said anything else about her since I told you to act like a big sister. Everything okay?"

"Yes, it is as a matter of fact. We went out to dinner the other night. It was very pleasant. We went to Mistral. She said that it reminded her of some time that they spent in Cyprus."

"That must have been a very interesting conversation," Jane stated with sarcasm.

"Oh it was," Maura replied.

Jane just looked at her again. She shook her head slightly and took another pull off her beer. She sat it down and began to eat her fries, wondering when Maura was going to ask her about Korsak and Hoyt. It had only been a few days, but she knew that Maura was dying to ask her. She was actually amazed that she had lasted this long without saying anything.

"Enjoying your bacon burger of death?"

"Yes, I am. It's delicious and it isn't grass or whatever that is," Jane told her pointing at her plate. "I don't care if it is good for me or not. It makes me feel better."

"Burgers make you feel better?"

"Well, burgers and beer, yeah? They go good together. They are an American staple. Why? What's wrong with that? Is there some crazy symbolism that I don't know about?" Jane asked.

"No. It is just that is a heart attack waiting to happen. Do you know how much sodium is in that? How many calories? Jane, that burger isn't good for you. It might taste good, but that is death on a plate. It is just a matter of time," Maura informed her.

"Then, I think I'll take my chances."

"You already do that with work. Don't you think that you should rethink your dietary options? Police officers already have a shortened life expectancy. Adding a bad diet to that, you'll be more apt to die before you should. Being a detective doesn't help your odd any either. If anything statistically, I think it might harm your odds," Maura told her.

"Again, I'm going to enjoy my food while I am still alive," Jane told her and then took a big bite out of her burger to accentuate her point.

Maura gave her a quick smile. She knew that she had been egging Jane on with her comments. She knew that Jane only indulged after a bad case. She also knew that Jane wasn't going to talk about it without any prompting. She had hoped that it wouldn't take any prodding because it was still Hoyt. They shared that connection. They understood the boogey man and the grief that came from him anyone that he managed to use.

"Jane?"

"Yeah, Maur?"

"You do that it isn't your fault that Dr. Nolan did what she did, right?"

"Yes, Maura, I know that it isn't my fault."

"You know that Korsak doesn't blame you either," Maura added.

"I do."

"Have you two talked about it?"

"No."

"Are you going to?"

"If he wants," Jane said and grabbed her beer.

She squeezed the bottle tightly, so tightly that she almost broke it in her hand. She drank it to keep from breaking the bottle. When she finished the bottle, she slammed it on the table and raised her hand at the bar keep to get another one. She didn't meet Maura's eyes. She didn't want to see the disappointment there.

"Jane?"

"Yeah, Maura," she replied.

"You saved him."

"I did."

"He saved you."

"He did."

"I think that you should talk about that."

"Why?"

"Hoyt created both situations. You have that in common. Sure, the Doctor didn't get as far with Korsak and Hoyt did with you, but you both understand the complications of such acts. You were in similar situations. I think that it would help you both in your work relationship."

"Maura?"

"Yes, Jane?"

"Stay out of it."

Maura was a little taken aback about the force in her voice, but she didn't say anything about it. She watched her friend. She knew that Jane was shutting down. It was what she did when something bothered her too much. And, Hoyt was always going to be a big stressor for her. Maura wasn't sure what she could do for her, but she knew that she had to help Jane get passed this. They had more important things to deal with than being hung up on Hoyt still. Maura had gone to a friend, a psychiatrist, and had worked through her issues. She knew that Jane wouldn't do that because of the stigma that would accompany it within the station. Sometimes, Maura thought that she was just a little too "butch" for her own good.

"I'm sorry I brought it up," Maura told her.

"It isn't your fault, Maur. I just wish that he would leave us alone. The man is dead. I just don't understand how his still has any power of us," Jane mused.

"He does have a strange affinity to get to us, even beyond the grave. Korsak told me that he had some fan sites online. He also had some crazy fans and followers just like Manson. I can't explain that. I will never understand why people are attracted to evil and why they listen to it with such complicity. I guess that it is the difference between us and the rest of the world."

"And, what is that?" Jane asked as she accepted her new beer, giving Maura a puzzled look.

"We use our education, skills, and critical thinking in order to move through each and every situation that we find ourselves in. Some people don't have that ability. It is in that situation where they need direction or they are easily manipulated into doing something that they normally wouldn't do. I am sure that there are some very fascinating studies on this," Maura told her.

"I am sure, but I don't think that I would like to read them. I'm good for now. I'll leave all that for you, Maura. I have enough cases to sort through. I don't need to read about other wack jobs. But, feel free to let me know if find anything that will help me solve a homicide. As it is, I have to get through everything because the Feds have decided to go after Officer Keating for her involvement with the drug smuggling and street racing," Jane stated.

"I thought that Martinez was working on that," Maura replied.

"He is for the drugs and trafficking. But, they've asked me to write up everything that I have in my notes and such about the homicide. I know that Massachusetts is going to fight them over killing her, but they may let her off on a federal murder charge if she turns state's evidence against her suppliers and such. But, that is really in her hands. If she doesn't plea out, I am sure that they'll ask the state to let them have her."

"Do you think that the Commonwealth will turn her over?" Maura asked.

"Depends on how the Feds word their case?"

"Does she really deserve to die for all that?" Maura asked.

"I'm not getting into that with you, Maura. We'll end up fighting and you know how I feel about politics. So, let's just let this one go and let it play out on its own," Jane stated as she took another sip of her beer.

"How are Tommy and Lydia doing with TJ?" Maura asked as she sipped her wine, hoping that a complete change in topic would calm Jane back down.

"They seem to be getting on well. Tommy's called Ma a few times to ask her some questions and we've all let him know that if he needs us, we're here for him. I also told him that I'd babysit if he wanted to go out with Lydia, but I am afraid with my erratic hours that I am never going to get the opportunity."

"You miss holding him, don't you?"

"I do," Jane said with a big smile.

"You want kids of your own?" Maura asked her.

"I mean, yeah, but when the time is right and with the right person. I haven't found anyone that I want to with yet. I thought I came close once, but it didn't work out. Plus, with me being a cop, it makes things a little difficult. I need someone that isn't going to pressure me to leave my job, and supports me, Maura. I am not ready to stay at home and be the little woman."

"You don't have to, Jane. You are a strong woman. I am sure that you'll find the right person."

"Yeah, well, from your lips…"

Maura laughed. She knew that Jane was only partially religious. She was Catholic when it suited her. She went to church and confession. But, other than that, Jane wasn't that religious, much to her mother's dismay. They didn't talk about it, Jane and Angela. They had an unspoken agreement. As long as Jane attempted to make it to mass once a week and confession more than once a month, Angela would leave her alone.

"I am not sure that He has any effect over that, Jane," Maura told her.

"Well, don't tell my mother that. She'll go on some rant about not trust in the Lord to provide me with everything that I need. And, then she'll start harping on me about not making mass again. That is the last thing that I need right now," Jane stated.

Maura laughed and nodded. She knew how much Angela harped on Jane. She saw most of it first-hand since Angela had moved into her guest house. Jane just gave her another look which made her stop laughing as she sipped at her glass of wine.

"It's not funny."

"It's amusing."

"Sure, for you. She isn't your mother," Jane said shaking her head. "Any plans with Caitlin or Hope soon? I haven't heard you talking about Hope lately."

"We aren't really talking too much because of Paddy. She didn't know what she had done, but she still felt that it was wrong that I asked her to turn on him. She still loves him somewhat and she feels like she betrayed him. I don't understand that. I am her daughter, but she wanted to choose him over her daughter's request. I just…"

"It's okay, Maura. You can be disappointed with her. Parents aren't infallible."

"I know that. I just don't understand how after he told her that I was dead that she would still stand by his side knowing who he is and what he has done. It was just another way for her to dismiss me. I know that she doesn't know what to do with me, but I felt betrayed by her."

"And, you have every right to feel that way, Maura. Don't let anyone take that from you. Just don't punish her too much for Caitlin's sake. You need to have a relationship with your sister."

"Why?"

"She's family."

"I mean, why do you care about Caitlin so much?"

"Umm…she has your kidney."

Maura cocked her eyebrow at her, but she realized that Jane wasn't going to elaborate any further. She took another sip of her wine and mulled over their conversation. She watched Jane watching her. Then she thought about the real reason that they were having dinner at the Dirty Robber again. It wasn't the latest cases. She needed to know that Jane was going to actually go along with the conference in Las Vegas.

"Jane?"

"Hmm?" Jane replied as she drank her beer from the bottle.

"Are you ready to go to Las Vegas?"

Jane sat her beer down carefully. She stared at Maura's hazel eyes with her own dark ones. She should have known that Maura was going to bring the conference up. She hadn't in the last few days and they were due to talk about it again.

"I don't really have a choice, do I? You've already got it cleared with Cavanaugh and the Brass. Hell, even Korsak is going. If I don't, it'll look bad for the department and heaven help me if I make the department look bad. So, to answer your question, Maura, I am ready as I going to be."

Maura nodded her head. She understood that Jane didn't want to bring up the old memories. She did. She got it. She knew about the nightmares. She knew about the sleepless nights. She had them herself. And, she also knew that talking about it and getting it out into the open might help them both move forward. She knew that Jane liked to internalize everything, but that is what drove the small wedge between Jane and Korsak. She didn't want Jane retreating anymore. She wanted her to face it head on and deal with it. She figured that the conference would force her to do this in a way that she hadn't yet.

"Are you going to come over and review my case notes to make sure that I haven't forgotten anything?" Maura asked her once she realized that Jane had calmed some.

"Maybe later."

"Come over for a drink."

"I am not going to be good company tonight, Maur."

"We can play Clue," Maura offered.

"You have Clue?"

"I bought it after our game at your place."

"But, you don't like to guess," Jane stated.

"I am not guessing. I am making educated inferences based on information that I have collect while playing the game. It is a very educational game indeed. I think that more people should play it, though. It seems that some have forgotten how to use their intellect to solve problems," Maura told her and finished her wine.

Jane laughed. She finished her beer and then looked at the Medical Examiner. She realized that Maura wasn't kidding about it being an education device.

"Fine. You're on. But, I am not going to be Miss Scarlet this time."

"Who are you going to be then, Jane?" Maura asked her.

"I was thinking Colonel Mustard or Professor Plum," Jane said as she got up and headed to the door.

"But, I am Professor Plum," Maura replied following her out the door.


	8. On My Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suggest listening to Lea Michele's "On My Way" while reading this one.

**On My Way**

Maura sat at the restaurant alone. She knew that no one was going to join her. She'd said her piece at the station and managed to push everyone away. She picked up her wine and sipped it slowly. She was just trying to be helpful. She didn't expect it to backfire so spectacularly.

"Doctor Isles?" the waiter asked her, interrupting her thoughts.

"Yes, Emile?"

"Would you like some more wine?"

She looked down at the table and then at her glass. It was empty. She didn't know when that happened. She had been thinking too much about Frost and Jane. There was just too much turmoil at work for them to think clearly and she hadn't helped matters.

"Yes, Emile, more wine would be lovely," she told her as something dark and beautiful caught her eye out the window near where she was sitting.

She realized that it wasn't Jane quickly. It was just an ad on a city bus that was passing by. Emile refilled her wine glass and was gone before she had a chance to thank him. She just didn't know how things had ended up so…wrong.

Frost's girlfriend decided to pursue her career and left the country. Frost blamed her. She could see his point. She really could, but that didn't change anything that she told her. She would have said the same things even if it hadn't been Frost's girlfriend. But, that didn't matter. Frost was still angry and she understood. She couldn't be upset with him for his feelings. He really loved her and she was going to be missed.

Then, there was Jane. She shook her head. Jane was a whole other level of craziness in her life right now. Jane had been seeing Casey, but Maura hadn't thought that things were that serious until she saw the ring on her finger. The sudden jealousy that clouded her mind was unexpected and she couldn't really place it. She didn't like the feeling.

The clouds outside matched her mood. She wanted to laugh about the sudden rain, but she couldn't find any joy in it. She was going to miss Jane and she knew it.

Maybe she should have kept her mouth shut. She didn't want to put more pressure on Jane, but she didn't know why she said it. She couldn't fathom why she told Jane that she was going to miss her best friend if she left. She cried. She actually cried. She felt horrible. She begged Jane to not leave and follow Casey because she was going to miss. She couldn't believe that she was being so…selfish and jealous. They were traits that Maura wasn't known to express often.

When the rain started, she wasn't surprised at all. She just watched the water run down the glass of the window. It was like the world was crying. Everyone she knew was sad or hurting. She didn't put much stock into religion or faith, but she couldn't discount the overall feeling in the world right now.

She reached for her water glass this time and drank. She didn't want to get drunk there. She had to drive home and she didn't want to be so far gone. She knew that she would wait a good while to drive home. Eating and waiting would give her the time she needed to be a little more sober. She would open a bottle of her 2009 Chateau Margaux Balthazar. She would drink away her issues tonight in the privacy of her own home. At least there, she would have to worry about anyone really seeing her.

She sighed. She didn't mind dining alone, but today she was alone with her thoughts. And, she didn't want to be alone. She couldn't call Jane because she needed to work through things in her mind about Casey. She didn't want to pressure Jane into making a decision. No, distance was the prudent thing for them at the moment. She sighed again.

Emile brought her the salad that she ordered. She thanked him quickly and he left her alone. She stared at the plate. There was so much running through her head that she didn't realize when Hampton Cooper Emerson decided to join her. She looked up to see the dashing man sitting across from her.

"Hello, Maura," he stated.

She managed to hide her surprise at his presence with a simple, "Hello, Hampton."

"May I join you?"

"If you would like, but I've already ordered," she told him.

She honestly hoped that he would leave, but she knew Hampton and she knew that he wouldn't. If he was there, it was because he wanted something from her or her parents. Hampton was never very good at being subtle.

"Oh, that's no problem, Maura. I don't intend to stay long. I was wondering how you were doing with everything," he asked.

"I am doing well. Thank you for asking. Work has been very eventful lately," she replied.

"I am sure that it has. Especially when it comes to your father, Paddy. How is he doing?"

"I honestly don't know. He is in prison as he should be. I really don't have any contact with him. And, while he is biologically my father, he isn't the man that raised me."

"Ah, so he didn't help you get where you are?"

"I am sorry if you feel that way, Hampton, but no, he did not. Everything that I have, I got from either my education or I earned it. Sure, being an Isles helped open some doors for me, but I never knew that Patrick 'Paddy' Doyle was my biological father during any of it. In fact, that knowledge is a recent development in my life," Maura stated.

"And, the Commonwealth is still letting you do your job?"

"What are you insinuating, Hampton?"

"I just think that it is very odd that the daughter of one of the state's most notorious mob bosses is in a public law enforcement position and could sway the facts to help her father out," he said.

"I have no interest in Paddy or his people. In fact, I helped investigate him and bring about the charges that landed him in prison. I am only interested in helping the police do their jobs by doing mine. I have no ties to the mob or any other illegal activities," Maura state, her ire rising.

"Calm down, Maura. I am not saying that you've done it knowingly, but I am sure that you have fudged something to help out the mob or the Boston Brahmin. You like to please people. You can't help it," he told her.

"While I do like to please people, I have never done anything to jeopardize a case or my morals. Nor would I. Justice is a tenuous thing at best. I wouldn't want to be the reason that someone was wrongly convicted or the reason they got off on a technicality."

"Still so high and mighty," he replied.

"Is there something you want, Hampton?"

"I need a favor."

"No."

"I haven't even asked yet."

"The answer is still no. You've insulted and questioned my integrity. Why should I help you?"

"Because it will help you distance yourself further from Paddy," he replied.

"I am not worried about Paddy, Hampton. He cannot hurt me anymore. Besides, I doubt that Paddy would lift a finger to help me now. Maybe you should read the more than just the front page, Hampton. If you did, you would know that it wasn't just me that turned on him. My birth mother did as well. She testified against him. Paddy had no love for me, anymore, and I am entirely fine with that. I have parents that love me. I don't need a man that is a criminal to be my father. I already have one. And, I don't know what you want, Hampton and frankly, I don't care. The answer is no. You can leave," Maura told him waving him off in a dismissing manner, as she turned back to her salad.

"You'll regret this, Maura," he stated.

"I doubt that."

"I know things, Maura. I can end you. All I have to do is make a phone call."

"Then do it," she said as she handed him her phone. "Here's my phone. Go ahead. Make your call. I am not afraid of you, Hampton. But, know this: after today, I will have you looked into and if there is any ounce of suspicion that you have done anything remotely illegal, I will make sure that you are dealt with accordingly. Because Hampton Cooper Emerson, there is nothing that will stop me from making sure that you are investigated, tried and convicted."

"This isn't over, Maura."

"Doctor Isles, can I help you?" Emile asked bringing her meal.

"Yes, Emile, can you please escort Mister Emerson out of the restaurant? I have no business with him and I am sure that he has no business here, either. And, give my regards to Chef Andre', he truly has out done himself tonight," Maura told him.

"As you wish, madam," Emile replied grabbing Hampton by his arm and almost dragging him out of the chair that he had been sitting in.

Maura let a small smile creep across her face. She picked up her water and took a sip. She looked down at her plate and realized, that even with the unpleasantness with Hampton, she wasn't that hungry. As she saw Emile coming back towards her with a water pitcher, she smiled at him.

"Something wrong with it, Doctor Isles?"

"No, Emile. Nothing is wrong with it. I've just lost my appetite. Can you box it up for me?"

"Absolutely, give me a few minutes. Would you like me to charge this to your account, so you can just leave when I come back? Or, would you like the check?"

"No, Emile, just charge it. Thank you for everything. I'm just tired and want to go home."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied taking her plate and walking away.

She looked out the window and saw the rain. It hadn't let up. It was actually getting harder. She wondered if she should wait to leave or if she could brave the storm.

Emile came back with the boxed food and sat it on the far side of the table. He dropped off a bill that was paid. She reached for her purse and some cash. She pulled it out and started to hand it to Emile, who waved her off.

"You tip too much, Maura. Just do me a favor and enjoy yourself tonight. I don't know what is weighing on you, but I promise that it will pass. Chin up. I'll see you in a few weeks."

She just looked at him. She reached for the bill, knowing that it was paid. She saw a handwritten note on it. It was from Emile and it read: "Stay as long as you need."

She smiled. He understood that she was seeking comfort in her weekly dinner there. She couldn't have predicted it. She was grateful for his understanding. She picked up her water and drank some more. She sat the glass back down and looked around the restaurant.

It was still early in the evening. There were people from all that prominent families of Boston, but she could care less about them. She just wanted to see Jane. She wanted to know what she had finally decided. She knew that it wasn't fair for her to want to Jane to stay, but that is what she wanted. She didn't want Jane to leave her.

She was in her own world, minding her own thoughts when her phone rang. At first she didn't get it. She didn't want to see who it was. She just wanted to wallow in her own misery for a while. She didn't care that someone was dead. Her heart hurt and she needed to be alone.

The ringing didn't stop. She heard several voicemails ping, but she still didn't make a move to get her phone. She heard a multitude of text message beep, but she just drank some more water. The phone started ringing again. Finally she couldn't take it anymore.

She grabbed the phone and looked down at the caller ID. It was Jane. Her heart lurched into her throat. She was actually scared to answer it.

"Hello," she stated.

"Maura?"

"Yes?"

"Can you come over?" Jane asked.

"I thought you needed to think…alone."

"I need you to come over, Maur," Jane told her.

Without a moment's hesitation, Maura replied, "On my way…"


	9. Decisions, Decisions

**Decisions, Decisions**

Jane sat in front of her TV. She held the ring in her hand. She had made her decision. But, the more she thought about it, she realized that Casey had made the decision for her.

She'd been right. Neither of them were willing to give up their jobs for their relationships. It just meant too much for to them. Casey was being offered his own post and a promotion. Jane didn't really want to leave Boston or being a cop. She loved him. She did, but she knew that it wasn't going to be enough. She wasn't meant to be an officer's wife.

The tears had ended hours earlier. She was all cried out. She didn't want to cry about it anymore. She could move on. She had before. She just didn't know why this was so much harder. She loved Casey, but she knew that she wasn't completely in love with him.

This made her think too hard. She didn't want to think right now. She wanted to be drunk. She didn't want to think about anything. Thinking caused pain and she was totally over the pain.

Her mind began to drift from Casey to Maura. Her heart broke again. Maura was afraid of what life would be like without Jane in it and that meant a lot to Jane, but it hurt her, too. She didn't want Maura to feel like she was abandoning her. She wasn't. She was staying, but she knew that Maura didn't know that…yet. She needed to tell her.

Jane reached over to the coffee table and grabbed her cell. She scrolled through the names until she got to Maura. Her fingers hovered over the dial button. She looked up and saw the lightning flash. She sighed as she dropped her phone back on the table. Maura needed time, too, she reasoned as she sank back into her couch.

She couldn't call her mother. No, Angela would have something to say about her not chasing Casey. But, in the end, her mother would relent and tell her to do what makes her happy. And, there inlaid the problem. Jane no longer knew what would make her happy besides being a cop.

She was worried about her family, too. She loved TJ and didn't want Tommy to be worried about him. She was the eldest Rizzoli and she decided that she needed to make sure that TJ had his aunt there for him for anything and everything. It also made her want her own child.

The more she thought about it, the more she wondered what Casey would have wanted. She didn't know. They didn't know. They had never talked about it. They were both too wrapped up in their own lives to realize how much they didn't know about each other. The longer she dwelled on it, the more she realized that she had fallen in love with the idea of being with Casey more than the reality of being with him. Sure, the sex may have been great, but that wasn't something to a family with. He wasn't willing to give up his commission and she wasn't going to give up her badge.

Her head hit the back of the couch. She was silently yelling at herself. She didn't know how she always got herself in these situations. She knew what she wanted in a partner. She knew what she wanted from love, but it always seemed to allude her because no one could handle her job. She sighed. There were only four people that she trusted to be that close to her, now…and one of them was her brother. She sighed.

"GAHHHHHHHH!" she screamed out into the empty room.

The thunder from the late summer shower answered her. She snapped up and looked out the window. _Great,_ she thought to herself, _now the weather hates me, too._

She jumped off the couch and went into the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of water and downed it. She knew that Maura would yell at her for drinking coffee. She shook her head. She couldn't get Maura voice out of her head.

She bent over her counter in defeat. Her head hung low and her hair danced slightly over the countertop. She felt the bile rising and she willed it back down.

It wasn't that she didn't like Maura being in her head. She could care less about them. It was just what she thinking about with Maura. Her thoughts since Maura begged her not to leave hadn't been exactly been exactly platonic. And the longer she thought about it, the more she wondered about what Maura meant by not leaving her.

Then there was the whole Vegas thing. She wasn't sure what she was going to do about going to Vegas. She knew that the whole reason that Maura asked her to go was because of the cases with Hoyt, but that wasn't making it any easier on her decision. She decided that the she would have come back, even if she'd chosen Casey, to do the conference. She wouldn't leave Maura hanging, because she knew that Maura wouldn't let her down.

But, her stomach kept churning. She couldn't help it. She knew what it meant, but that didn't mean that she wanted it to be true. There was so much that she wanted to happen, but this wasn't part of her plan. Nothing since Casey made sense. She couldn't think about it straight.

She went to the bathroom. She pulled out the test. It was the fourth one in three days. And, as the last three told her, it was positive, too. She sighed. Staring at the wall, she wanted to cry. She wasn't sure that she could do this. She wasn't sure that could make decision on anything right now. Her mind was still in denial.

She still had the ring. She held it for a second. Casey was already gone. She had no idea what he would say. She had no idea what he would do. If she really was pregnant, she was going to keep it. She would raise it on her own. She didn't want Casey coming home and resenting her or the child because he didn't have the career he wanted. No, she would do it on her own. She had her family.

That was what she needed…her family. But, she wasn't ready to tell them everything. She still hadn't processed it all. She needed her friend. She needed Maura, but she couldn't call her. She still needed time, but she needed someone to talk to. She didn't dare call her mother.

She made her way back into the kitchen. She grabbed another bottle of water. She opened it and sipped it. Opting not to not chug this one down, she worked her way back into the living room and the couch.

Her laptop was open. There was a new email from Casey but she didn't want to read it. She didn't care what it said. She wasn't ready to face him or reality. She wanted to just veg for a few days, but she knew that job wouldn't let her. And, the storm wasn't helping her processes.

She looked at her phone again. She needed her friend. She needed Maura.

She reached over and grabbed her phone. She scrolled through the names in her contact list. She really didn't need to, but it was procrastination at its finest. She wanted to call her but she was scared at the same time. She could have easily used her speed dial, but she stared at the number. Her finger hovered over it as her mind willed her to push it, but her heart kept stopping her.

Finally, her finger slipped and the call button was pushed. She debated hanging up, but she knew that if she did, Maura would just call back. Part of her wished that Maura didn't answer the phone. Another part hoped she answered on the first ring.

Maura didn't answer. She left a quick message. Then she texted her, asking her to call back as soon as possible. After a few minutes, Jane tried again. She called and texted quickly. She didn't mean to be so desperate, but she really decided that she needed Maura and she needed Maura now. She tried once again to call her, and this time Maura answer.

"Hello," Maura stated.

"Maura?"

"Yes?"

"Can you come over?" Jane asked.

"I thought you needed to think…alone."

"I need you to come over, Maur," Jane told her.

Without a moment's hesitation, Maura replied, "On my way…"

She hung up the phone. A small smile crept across her face. Maura was coming over.

She wasn't actually drowning anymore. Maura would help her stay afloat. Maura would keep her grounded. Maura would help her through this.

 _Wait, Maura is on her way over. Shit. Shit. Shit. I don't know where she is coming from,_ Jane thought as she looked around her apartment. _I need to clean this place up some before she gets here. I know she won't care, but I've really let myself go over the past few days._

Jane quickly got up and began cleaning up the apartment. She grabbed all her dirty clothes and put them all in one spot for an easy laundry day later. She grabbed the random cups and plates that were littered around the living room and kitchen. She dropped them into the sink.

She didn't know why all the sudden she was nervous. She didn't need to be nervous. It was just Maura. She could do this. There was no need to be so up in arms about this. She tried to calm herself down. She tried but she failed. She didn't know how she was going to tell Maura that she was pregnant.

There was a knock at the door. Jane turned to face it. She stopped mid-motion with her cleaning and just stared at the door. She dropped what she had in her hand and made her way to the door. She wiped her hands down her pants, twice and then she reached over and answered the door.

Maura was there. She looked slightly flushed, but angry. It took Jane aback to see such fire in her eyes and she wondered if she was the reason that Maura was angry. She hoped that she hadn't disturbed Maura.

"I'm sorry."

"For what Maura?" Jane asked.

"I am not angry with you," she said quickly.

Jane just nodded and moved out of the way. She just followed Maura's movements. There was something about the way she walking that made Jane push her thoughts away. In this moment, Maura needed her. She turned and waited for Maura to say something to her.

"I am sorry, Jane. I was just rudely interrupted at my dinner and I am afraid that I have let it cloud my emotions. You called me over because you needed to talk. I'm sorry. Please go ahead and tell me whatever it is that you need to, Jane," Maura told her.

"No, no, you first," Jane insisted.

"Would it be wrong of me to ask you to look into someone?"

"Depends on what for?"

"It's nothing. It can wait. I am just being silly."

"Maura, you aren't silly. You are serious. You don't guess. If something is making you uncomfortable about someone, you generally have good reason. So spill," Jane urged.

"His name is Hampton Cooper Emerson. He is a member of the Boston Brahmin. He said somethings to me about Paddy and my job. He may have insinuated that he could make things hard for me if I didn't do something for him."

"And, you refused, right?" Jane asked her.

"Yes, of course I did. I wouldn't do anything to help him or Paddy. I couldn't believe that he came to the restaurant to say anything to me. Plus it didn't seem like something that Paddy would have arranged. It seemed like he thought he could strong arm me. I don't like that and I don't like the fact that he thought he could use Paddy against me," Maura replied.

"I'll see what I can find out. If anything seems hinky, I'll send it to the correct department to look into further. If there is something there, we'll find it, Maura. You know that," Jane said.

"I do."

"I'll look into it tomorrow."

"Thank you. But, that isn't why I am here. So, what's going on with you?" Maura asked her.

Jane looked over at her. She knew that Maura wasn't going to let it drop either. She ushered Maura over to the couch and had her sit down. She ran into the kitchen and grabbed the only bottle of wine that she had. She grabbed a wine glass and a bottle of water before returning to the living room.

She poured Maura a glass and took the bottle of water for herself. She eased herself onto the couch and gave Maura the glass. She opened the wine and poured some for Maura. She placed the bottle on coffee table and grabbed the water bottle again. She drank a healthy swig before she looked over at Maura again.

"What is it, Jane?" Maura questioned.

"I don't know how to tell you this," Jane started.

"Just tell me, Jane. It is obvious that something is bothering you. I see you've taken off the ring. You're sending it back to Casey?"

"I am."

"Is this what you want?"

"I am not leaving Boston, Maura. He isn't leaving the Army. We are great together, but right now, we aren't meant to be. We both know it."

"That isn't what is bothering you?"

"No, it isn't," Jane replied.

"So, what is?"

"I think I am pregnant…"


	10. Vegas Baby!

**Vegas Baby!**

Jane was in the bathroom when Maura came back to the room. She knew that Jane hadn't felt good since earlier that morning. The pregnancy had been keeping her somewhat down.

She didn't want to admit it and she still hadn't told her family or Korsak. Maura knew that Jane had told Casey. He hadn't been thrilled that Jane was going to raise their child alone, but he relented when Maura told him that she would care for them both. Jane still wasn't willing to leave the BPD and Casey wasn't going to give up his commission. In the end, Casey told Jane that if she needed anything that she was to ask him for it. If he could get it to her, he would.

She was surprised that Jane had still come with her. She knew that Jane really didn't want to be in Vegas. She really didn't want to talk at the conference, but she was doing because of Maura. It was important that they discussed what Hoyt had done, including his disciples and his loves. Maura and Jane both knew how much they could help other detectives with their work, even if it was hard to talk about. Maura was very clinical about it. Jane was passionate. They complemented each other well.

Maura didn't say anything to her. She just silently went into the bathroom. She gathered Jane's hair and held it for her as she gently started rubbing small circles on her lower back.

"Remind me in the morning that I want to go through this again," Jane mumbled as she was holding the sides of the toilet bowl.

"I won't have to, Jane. You made the decision to keep your child and I support you in that. I know that you are going to be a wonderful mother. This will be all worth it as soon as you hold your child in your arms," Maura told her.

Jane gave her a weak smile. A few seconds later, she was puking in the bowl again. After a few dry heaves, she decided that she had enough and stood up. She worked her way to sink. She spit in it a few times before washing her mouth out with some water. Finally she brushed her teeth so she could get the disgusting taste out of her mouth. When she finished, she turned to find Maura still poised and sitting on the edge of the large tub.

"Feel better now?"

"I'll feel better when I can have coffee and my own bed."

"I thought that you preferred my bed to yours because it let you sleep more comfortably."

"Yeah, well, I just want to be back in Boston. I don't like the heat here. It's too…dry."

"We are in the desert, Jane, so it makes sense the humidity that we are both used to would be absent. Also, the heat is normal. It isn't actually that hot. It is just your body adjusting to the new hormones and the influx of different stimuli that is causing you to warmer than usual."

"Thank you, Doctor Isles," Jane replied sarcastically as she exited the bedroom and made her way back to the bedroom.

As she lay down on the bed on her back and staring at the ceiling, she was silently thanking Maura for upgrading their room to a suite even if it only had one bed. She knew that Maura wasn't going to let her stay in a normal room by herself knowing that she was pregnant. Maura was doing everything within her power to make sure that Jane stayed comfortable.

She had been coming over and keeping tabs on Jane more so than normal since Jane told her the news. She couldn't blame Jane. She was a worrier and that was the main reason that Jane was the only one who knew. She could hide it a little longer from her family and Korsak, but Maura would demand tests and to know what was wrong. It was just easier with her knowing. It was nice to have someone in her corner, someone that supported her and someone that wasn't going to tell her what to do. Maura was her best friend, her confidant, and Jane wondered…

She knew that her hormones were raging. She could feel it. She had thoughts about things that she never had thoughts about…well, while awake. And, the cravings sometimes were killer. God, she wanted a cup of strong coffee so bad that she might… But, Maura had been there each time with a cup of decaf when the cravings became too much. It wasn't the same, but it took the edge off just enough that Jane didn't think that she was going to kill someone for a cup of joe.

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to leave early?" Maura asked her.

"But, you have that symposium later. No, we can stay. I'll just stay in the room."

"We don't have to. I don't want you to feel like you have to stay for me. I can miss the symposium. It won't be the last one. I am sure that there will be a similar one in New York or with the FBI at Quantico later in the year. I can attend one of those. We could leave if you wish," Maura told her as she watched Jane roll up on the bed onto her elbows to look at her.

Jane just looked at her. Maura knew that look. She'd seen it a lot, especially when they were in autopsy room back at the precinct. Maura knew that she was wondering why Maura was even thinking when she proposed some sort of crazy idea. Jane wasn't going to let her leave and she knew that Maura should already know that, but Maura was too nice. She was trying to be nice.

"Jane, I am not worried about missing it."

"Yes, you are, but it's okay. I'll just stay up here in our lush room or I'll go down the casino and gamble away the free chips they gave us for the room. Go to the symposium. I'll be alright," Jane told her.

Maura gave her a look, but just shook her head. She turned around and went to the dresser and started pulling out something else to wear. Jane just watched, unsure of what she was doing. Then, she went over to the closet where Jane and Maura had some of her clothes hung up. She didn't watch, but she knew that Maura must be looking for something. When she came back, she had two dresses. She laid them out on the bed.

"Then, since we aren't going home, we are going out," Maura told her.

"Going out?" Jane whined and fell back to the bed.

"Come on, Jane. You need to eat. You have to care of yourself, not just for you but for the baby as well. There is a little restaurant around the way that has good food. I am sure that you can find something that will suit your tastes," Maura told her.

"You're taking me out?"

"Yes."

"Like on a date?" Jane teased.

"I could see where it would look like one, so…. Yes, I am. I am taking you out on date. So, get ready. I made reservations earlier," Maura explained.

"This isn't some fru-fru French place is it?" Jane questioned as she began to sit up on the bed.

"No, it isn't. I know how you feel about escargot. If you must know, it is a little Italian place. I figured that I couldn't go wrong with some traditional Italian that would make your mother proud, plus I hear that they have a risotto that is highly recommended," Maura stated.

Jane got off the bed and looked at the dresses. They were the nicest ones that they had brought with them. Jane knew that Maura never went anywhere without something nice to wear. She just couldn't do it and Maura always told her that she had to be ready for anything. Having the right eveningwear was part of Maura being ready while they were on a trip.

She laughed silently to herself, but she picked up the dress. She had to admire Maura's taste. The royal blue dress would look good on her and the deep red dress that Maura had selected for herself was beautifully cut. It would look amazing on her.

"Do I have time for a shower?" Jane asked her.

"Yes."

"Thank you," Jane stated as she headed to the bathroom.

She went into the room and then popped her head out to ask Maura one last question before she got into the shower, "Where we going?"

"Sinatra's," Maura answered as she pulled out her laptop to look over some of the events that were still to come at the conference.

She didn't want to stress Jane out too much. She was worried about her. She wasn't going to show it too openly because she knew that Jane would balk about it. She had to be more covert in her thoughts and actions, but she knew that Jane would eventually figure it out.

She just didn't want Jane to worry about anything. She knew that the Rizzolies had come together to support her brother and her nephew, TJ, with baby gifts. She wanted to be there for Jane and her baby. She wanted to support her. She wanted her to know that she wasn't alone, but she knew that Jane would characteristically deny her at every chance. She was too proud, but Maura hoped that she could use that to her advantage.

Jane came back into the room. She looked beautiful and it took Maura's breath away. The longer she looked at her the more Maura realized that she loved Jane and more than a platonic manner. She wanted to kiss her. She wanted to know what Jane's lips tasted like and she wasn't sure where that feeling came from.

"Hey, Maur, can you zip me up?" Jane asked, not seeing the look in her eyes.

Maura had to shake herself out of her reverie. She merely nodded as she moved across the room to help Jane zip up her dress. She had to stop herself from reaching out and touching her back. She took a deep breath and stepped away as soon as the zipper was all the way up.

"You going to get ready?" Jane inquired as she turned around.

"Yes," Maura said coolly as she picked up her dress and headed into the bathroom.

Once she was in bathroom, she tried to gather herself. She changed quickly and hoped that Jane didn't ask her if anything was wrong when she went back out. She got undressed from her work suit and then pulled the dress on. She zipped it herself, not trusting herself if she allowed Jane to zip her up. She shook herself again and moved to go out the bathroom to join Jane, again.

Meanwhile, Jane looked at herself in the mirror. She didn't know where the flush was coming from, but she knew that as soon as Maura's fingers grazed across her back it started. Just thinking about Maura right then caused her to shiver. She didn't know why she felt the way she did, but she knew that she cared for Maura more than she should.

She knew that it wasn't because she didn't have Casey. She loved Maura. She had since she'd seen her with Korsak when they rescued her from Hoyt. She was her best friend. Of course she loved her. But, Jane couldn't reconcile the fact that their love was changing and growing stronger with each case and each day. She knew that Maura had seemed upset when she started dating Casey, but Maura never said anything. It was just in the way she acted.

Jane couldn't put her finger on it, but she knew that Maura was holding back somewhat. She was super excited about the baby and she was glad that she was giving her the unconditional support that she was, but there seemed to be more. And, as if Maura knew what she thinking, she came back into the room. Jane heard her gasp when they looked at each other.

"Ready?" Maura asked.

"Yes," Jane breathed out.

When they returned to the room that night, they were stuffed. They had kept their conversations to shop talk as they ate. It was safe, even if it did gross out everyone else around them.

Maura silently walked up behind Jane. She unzipped Jane's dress to help her out. As the zipper came down, Maura couldn't help herself. She touched Jane's back and she felt the heat rising in her skin as goosebumps formed on Jane's arms.

The night had been wonderful. The food was lovely. And, their connection had grown. They couldn't deny it. There was just something in the air that night. And, Maura wouldn't deny it anymore. She needed Jane to know that it was really a date, that she wanted to be there for her in every sense of the word, and that she cared for her more than as s friend.

Jane turned around and saw the arousal in Maura's eyes. It was unmistakable. Her breath hitched. She didn't feel like denying herself anymore either. She took a step forward and leaned towards Maura, who leaned back towards her as well.

"Jane…" she breathed.

"Maur…" Jane replied as she wrapped her hands around her waist.

"I…you're beautiful, Jane," Maura fumbled out.

"Kiss me," Jane demanded as her pupils dilated even more as she hovered over Maura's mouth.


	11. Cherish is the Word

**Cherish is the Word**

Jane was sitting on Maura's bed. She'd basically moved in after Vegas. She wondered if it was because of what happened in Vegas or if it was because Maura was worried about her pregnancy. At the moment she really didn't care. She also didn't want to have to go work in the morning either. She dreaded it because in the morning, she and Maura would be returning to the real world. They wouldn't be able to hide behind closed doors.

Surprisingly enough, Angela hadn't given them too much grief. Jane was sure that her mother would hound them about all the adventures that they had while they were in Vegas. And, while she loved her mother, she wasn't prepared to endure the inquisition that she would give. Especially if she found out that Jane and Maura had shared some moments.

Jane wasn't sure what else to call them. They'd kissed. It wasn't much more than that at first. She just needed to know, but she couldn't help herself. Maura also didn't seemed mind. In fact, Maura seemed to be very happy about what they were doing.

She felt a hand run down her arm. She shivered slightly, but it didn't stop her from leaning into the touch. She had to admit that she'd never been a lovey-dovey type of person, but there was something about Maura. They had definitely crossed a line in Vegas and Jane wasn't sure where they stood now. Sure she was in Maura's room, sitting on her bed, and Maura was touching, but she didn't know what any of it meant.

"You're thinking too hard," Maura told as she moved around Jane and sat beside her on the bed.

"I don't know. Maybe I am. Maybe, I am not. I just don't know what…"

"Jane, stop. You're trying too hard. Just relax."

"How can I relax after what we did in Vegas, Maur? Hmm? I'm a good Catholic girl, remember? I don't do things like that. It isn't what good Catholic girls do," Jane replied.

"And, since when were you a good Catholic girl, Jane? Need I remind you about Casey and the little life growing inside you? I am sure that your mother knows that you aren't the proverbial virgin. Are you upset that we kissed, Jane?" Maura asked.

Jane looked at her. She could see the pain in Maura's eyes. She hadn't meant to hurt her. She was just fishing for information, but she went about it in the wrong way. She knew that Maura took things too literally. She knew that she had to fix it. She needed to fix it. She wanted to fix it. She didn't want to lose Maura.

"Maur, I am sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I enjoyed our time together, but I just don't know what that means for us now. I'm pregnant and we work together."

"We work for the same reasons, Jane, but we don't work for the same department. You work for the Boston Police Department and I work for the ME's office and the Commonwealth of the State of Massachusetts. There would be nothing wrong with us being together, but I can understand why you could possibly think that considering how closely we work together almost every day," Maura told her.

"But, what about everyone? Hell, Maur, they don't even know about me being pregnant. How the Hell are going they handle us being together?"

"I am sure like they already do."

"What does that mean?"

Maura turned to face her a little more fully. She reached up and touched Jane's face. It was clear that Maura was going to have to be the instigator when it came to their relationship moving further than it already was.

She smiled when Jane leaned into the touch. Still holding her cheek, Maura leaned in and kissed her. She hoped that Jane would just stop thinking and a just feel. Wasn't she the one that always told her to trust her "gut?" Well, her "gut" was telling her that a relationship with Jane was something that she needed to explore. They were very compatible and they did already like each other. Jane was very pleasant and beautiful. If she did select a female mate, Jane would be on the top of her list. She needed to make Jane feel the same way.

She turned Jane's head to face her own. Their eyes met and held. The questions that Jane wanted to ask were being voiced in them, but it was she was afraid to ask them out loud. Maura knew that Jane wanted answers, but she knew that she wouldn't believe any words that Maura gave her. She knew that Jane needed more.

She reached out and took Jane's face in her hands. She held it as she adored her. It was sweet and sure. She could tell that Jane felt the emotions that she was trying to convey. Their eyes locked again, and this time, Maura leaned forward.

When their lips met, Jane sighed a little. It was enough for both of them in the moment. Maura pushed her a little further. She deepened the kiss. She held on to Jane's face, not letting her go, because she needed the connection. She needed Jane to feel it. She needed her to want it.

As their lips brushed against each other, Maura felt her relax more and more. She moved slowly from Jane's lips to her neck. She allowed her right hand to slide down to Jane's neck, not to hold her steady, but to keep the connection between them as she continued her way down. She nipped and kissed her way down Jane's throat to her clavicle. With each new touch, Jane melted more and more. Maura gladly took her weight. She eased her slowly back and onto the bed.

Jane wasn't really sure what they were doing. Well, that was a lie. She knew exactly what they were doing. She couldn't believe the adoration that she felt from Maura's hands. She wasn't pushing Jane. She never did, even when they were in Vegas. She never pushed. She always eased. Maura was the most patient and kind lover that Jane had ever had.

They didn't become lovers in Vegas. They'd come close, but they weren't sure they could come back from it. There was a lot of touching, kissing and groping. They just never pushed it passed that last point of no return. Every time that they got close, Jane would pull away and just pull Maura into her. Maura for her part was content to be in her arms. She would wait for Jane if Jane needed her to. She wasn't going to push Jane until she felt she was ready. And, tonight, Jane was ready, even if she didn't know it.

Maura let her other hand wonder down Jane's side. She kept her touch light. She didn't want to scare her. She figured as long as she kept touching Jane and kept her focused on the pleasure that her body was feeling then Jane wouldn't balk at what they were doing.

She moved both her hands up to Jane's shoulders. She eased her up slightly on the bed as she pushed the blazer off her shoulders. With each sweep her hands or her lips, she looked at Jane. The connection was never severed. She silently asked as she reached for the buttons on Jane's blouse. She knew that Jane had let her get this far before, but she wondered how far Jane would let her go before she shut down again.

"Maura?" Jane pleaded.

"Yes, Jane?" Maura asked in reply as she looked up into her dark eyes.

"Please."

"Please what, Jane?"

"I need to feel you," Jane pleaded.

Maura gave her a quick smile. She sat up a little. She reached behind her and undid the zipper of her dress. She let it fall around her hips and then to the floor. She kept her gaze on Jane the entire time. She watched as Jane's pupils get wider. She smiled a little larger as she watched Jane get more turn on. She stepped out of the dress and back to the bed.

Jane reached out for her. She moved into her arms and lay across her body. Jane pulled their bodies close. She needed the feel of Maura's skin in that moment. Maura gave her whatever she needed. She knew that Jane would tell her when she needed more.

After a few minutes of contact, Maura wanted more. She ran her hands under Jane's shirt and up to her shoulders. She buried her head into Jane's neck again and nuzzled her. She felt Jane's hands move down her spine as she pulled Maura closer. When Jane pulled her as close as she could, Maura moved her legs just enough to roll them over and pulled Jane down on top of her. Once she was on her back, she pushed at Jane's shirt until it was removed.

She slowly moved her hands up Jane's back, pulling her hips against her own. She could feel the heat growing between them. She could see Jane's arousal in her face and on her body. When her hands moved further down to Jane's ass, she pulled her up just enough so that Jane was straddling her hips. Her deep hazel eyes locked onto Jane's brown as she sat up.

Jane looked sexy in that pose and Maura was addicted. She could get used to seeing Jane above her like this. She allowed her hands to move from her ass to her hips as she slowly guided her into a rhythm. It was just enough to allow Jane to feel the depth of passion between them, but it was also enough to push her into wanting more.

"Maura…"

Maura took that as her cue. She softly ran her hands from Jane's hips to her front. She cherished every inch of her naturally bronzed Italian skin. She paid special attention to her stomach and watched as Jane's eyes widened in wonder, awe and love at the emotion, care, and passion that Maura was giving her. She slowly moved up to her breasts, still covered in her generic black satin bra, before moving around her back to remove it.

Jane looked up at her. She could see the look in Maura's eyes, the bewilderment, the awe, and the pure unadulterated passion. She reached up and touched Maura's face. She couldn't help herself anymore. She needed the passion that Maura was offering her. She felt it so deeply that she didn't know how else to express it without telling her.

"Maura…"

"Shhh, Jane. Just feel. I've got you," Maura told her as moved down just enough to kiss the top of Jane's breasts.

She couldn't believe that Jane was surrendering so willingly, but she wasn't going to abuse that power. She leaned down and began to worship her body. She kissed her way across Jane's shoulders and breasts. Her hands roamed. Jane sighed as her body moved towards Maura's hands. She moved slowly as she kissed reverently. She ran her tongue over Jane's skin as she nibbled her way down to a nipple. She slowly sucked at her nipples as Jane dug her hands into Maura's back, holding her closer.

"Maur..."

Understanding Jane's need, Maura continued to move down her body until she reached Jane's hips. She could smell the want and the passion growing. She let her hands run further down Jane's legs as she slowly pushed them further apart. She nestled herself there.

"Jane, you're so beautiful…" she whispered as she leaned forward into her center.

She was delighted at the wet warmth she found there. She allowed her tongue to make the first taste. When she drew back her tongue and allowed her lips to surround Jane's pleasure, she moaned. Jane let out a whimper at the feeling. She couldn't believe that it felt this good. She arched into Maura's mouth, moaning out for more as Maura ran her arms under Jane's legs. She held Jane as she bucked and moved. She kept her there as she continued to love on her, never letting her get too far from her mouth, as she brought Jane to the climax that she deserved.

As Jane fell over, she cried out. It tore through her throat and out her mouth like something that could have never fathomed. Growing from her belly and full of nothing but the full passion that Maura had driven her to, Jane let out a primal scream as she came again from Maura's touch.

Maura smiled as moved back up across Jane's heated body. When their eyes met, Jane gave her a languid smile. Maura leaned into her softly and kissed her lips. As the kiss deepened, their tongues fought for dominance, neither of them backing down. The more they kissed, the more their passion grew.

Hours later in the early light of dawn, Jane awoke in Maura's bed. She felt so content and thoroughly loved that she didn't want to move. It also didn't help that Maura was half draped over her. She was warm and happy. As she looked out the sheer curtains letting the early rays of the sun through, she couldn't feel anything but cherished by the beautiful woman with her. A full smile spread across her lips as she thought about their night.

"Morning," Maura stated as she pushed up off Jane and then kissed her.

"Morning, Maur," Jane replied, giving Maura her trademark smile.


	12. Hallelujah, Fire and Rain

**Hallelujah, Fire and Rain**

Jane entered her apartment, alone. She needed to be alone. She was still trying to deal with everything that had happened that day. She'd helped that girl and then buried a friend. It was surreal.

She made her way into her bedroom and stripped out of her dress. She sat on the end of the bed and just stared at the wall. She willed herself to not cry, but she couldn't help it. She tried to not think about Frost, but she still wasn't ready to say goodbye. Every time, she closed her eyes she could still see the pain in Maura's and his mother's eyes.

She unconsciously wrapped her hand around her stomach as she looked down at the carpet underneath her feet. She didn't know what she would do if she lost anyone else. She felt so utterly alone. She hugged herself tighter.

She had wanted to be alone. She asked Maura to let her go home. She wanted to work through everything that she was feeling before she drug anyone else into her world. She was thankful for the support from both her mother, Korsak and Maura, but she felt lost. She needed to ground herself before she could be any good for anyone else.

She had to admit that the case earlier that day helped, but it was enough. It helped her not think about the funeral. But, she could still feel his absence. It was like a gaping hole, a bleeding, seeping wound that wouldn't close anytime soon. She knew that they all felt it while they were working, but for some reason it was more acute for her. She didn't know if it was because he was her partner or just because they were co-workers and friends. She just felt empty, numb, confused, angry and she didn't know that she would ever feel peace again.

She sighed as she fell back on the bed. She stared at the ceiling. Her arms fell against her stomach again. She hugged herself.

"I promise that I will do everything in my power to always be there for you," she told the growing life inside her as she rubbed her stomach. "I won't let you wonder about life and love. I'll make sure that you always know my love for you and that you enjoy life and everything that it has to offer. I love you so much. I promise you that we will be okay together. We can make it, because we'll have each other."

She rolled onto her side and began to cry again. She knew that she was more emotional now that she was pregnant, but that didn't mean that she had to like it. She was tired of crying. It had been days and she still hadn't stopped. It wasn't that she was ashamed of crying over the loss of Frost. She was really wasn't. She was just tired of crying period. She was tired of being so damn emotional and trying to hide it. The only person that understood and dealt with it without any crazy looks or speeches was Maura and that was only because she knew that Jane was pregnant.

It hit her then. She needed Maura. She needed to be held. She needed the comfort of the one person that could handle all her moods and emotional crap. She needed to feel like she was in control again and she knew that Maura could actually help her get there.

She grabbed her cell and called Maura. She wasn't sure that Maura would answer, being upset herself, but she hoped she would. She didn't have to wait long. Maura picked up the call on the first ring.

"Jane?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm fine, Maur."

"Don't lie to me, Jane," Maura told her.

"Well, no, I am not okay. I don't think that I will be for awhile. I can't stop crying," Jane replied.

"That is to be expected, Jane. You're grieving. Your hormones are also fluctuating due to the pregnancy which is making you have more mood swings and deeper emotional states. It will pass when your mind and heart are ready to move forward because you know that Frost won't be back."

"I know that. I don't like it, but I know that. I know that tomorrow or the next day, I'll go into the bullpen and expect to see his smiling face sitting across from me. I know that it is going to take awhile before I won't be waiting for him to be coming in with coffee, a case, or smile for me."

"What do you need, Jane?" Maura asked trying to get to root of her call.

"Would it be selfish of me to ask you to come over?"

"Not at all."

"I'm sorry I pushed you away earlier."

"You needed some time, Jane. I understood that. We all grieve in our own ways. But, you also knew that I would be here for you regardless of what you've said to me. I'll be over shortly. Get undressed and into something more comfortable. And, don't argue. I know that you are lying on your bed, either half out of your dress or barely out of it. Finish changing. I'll be over soon. I'll get some food, because I am sure that you haven't eaten either," Maura explained.

"Italian?" Jane stated with a little bit of hope in her voice.

"Of course, whatever you need," Maura answered.

Jane sat up. She knew that Maura was right. She needed to get comfortable. She stripped out of her bra and hose. She grabbed a pair of sweats and a BPD T-shirt, forgoing more underwear. She was opting for home comfort and functionality. She was covering what needed to be covered. She didn't care how she looked.

Once she was dressed, she went into the kitchen. She knew that they would more than likely need to eat on something. Maura wasn't one for eating out of containers, unless it was a self-contained meal. She grabbed some plates and some cups, hoping that Maura was getting drinks, too.

Thirty minutes later, Maura was at her door. She looked at the bags and then at Maura. She moved out of the way to let her in. As she was shutting and locking the door, Maura was already pulling the dishes out of the bags and had started serving up the food by the time that Jane made it back to the counter top separating her kitchen and living room.

"Where did you go?" Jane asked as she looked at the amazing dishes before her.

"Sorellia," Maura stated as she continued to plate the food.

Jane took a plate and moved to a stool at the counter. She sat down after she cleared more of the countertop off. She waited to start eating for Maura to join her. As soon as Maura sat down, she dug in, realizing as soon as she smelled the food that she was actually hungry.

"It'll get better, Jane."

Jane sighed. She didn't answer. She just continued to eat. She was suddenly ravenous. Maura just gave her more when she asked for it. She didn't question her friend. She knew that Jane wasn't a compulsive eater, so if she was hungry, she wasn't going to deny her.

After they had their fill, Maura cleaned up. She put the food away in the fridge and the dishes in the sink for the time being. She did rinse them off because she didn't know when they would be properly washed and dealt with. She knew that Jane was emotional and trying to deal with the loss of Frost and becoming a single mother. Both were very trying for her, and she knew that Jane needed time to process it all. She just hoped that she wouldn't push her away. She hoped that Jane knew that she was there for her and that she would always be there for her.

She joined Maura on the couch. They sat quietly for a few minutes, before Jane started crying again. Maura moved across the couch and gathered her into her arms. Jane didn't willingly surrender to the comfort at first, but then her sheer exhaustion took over.

She molded herself to Maura's frame and it made her angry. She was mad because she got some comfort from her, some happiness, and it made her feel alive. She didn't want to feel alive. Frost was dead and he wasn't coming back. He wasn't going to be at work the next day with his goofy smile and a cup of coffee. He wasn't going to ask Jane or Korsak some random question about a case because he didn't understand why they were doing things the way that they did. No, he wasn't going to be there to tease her about Frankie or her mother. She would be there and she would be alone. She didn't think that it was right that Maura was there with her, when Barry Frost was in the ground, alone. Why was she allowed to have warmth and life when he didn't?

"You can't be mad about his death, Jane. It was an accident. There was nothing that you could have done for him. He died as he lived, full of life. Don't cheapen his memory with your anger. Let it out. Don't be mad at him or yourself."

"I am not mad at him or myself," Jane told her.

"Then who are you mad at?" Maura asked her.

"God," Jane said quietly.

Maura just held her tighter. She knew that Jane really didn't mean it. She knew that Jane still had her faith, but she was torn apart right now emotionally. It didn't make sense to either of them that someone so vibrant and so full of life would be gone so soon. It didn't seem fair, but they both worked with death on a daily basis. They knew that Death was an equal opportunity enforcer. It didn't care about age, race, nationality, gender or sexual preference. It didn't matter. Death was final and absolute. And, Maura knew that there was nothing that she could say that would make Jane feel any better about the situation. She could only hold her and hope that it would be enough for the both of them.

"Maura?"

"What is it, Jane?"

"Will you hold me in bed?" Jane asked.

"You're tired?"

"Exhausted," Jane replied.

"Sure, Jane, I will. Come on. Let's get you to bed. I'll borrow a shirt and some shorts."

"Thank you," Jane stated.

Maura stood up and held her hand out for Jane to take. She did and Maura escorted her to the bedroom. She got Jane settled in the bed, before she raided her chest of drawers to find a shirt and boxer shorts for her to wear. Once she had her selections, she moved to Jane's bathroom and changed. She came back into her bedroom a few moments later.

"Please hold me," Jane said and Maura could her voice break with the request.

She immediately got into the bed. She pulled Jane closer to her. Jane melted into her. She brushed her hand across Jane's head and moved her hair out of her face. Jane burrowed into Maura's neck and shoulder. She nuzzled the doctor and sighed. She immediately felt some relief and her tears finally started to taper off.

"Shh, Jane. I've got you. I'll be here for you whenever you need me."

"Maura?"

"Yes, Jane?"

"Don't leave me," Jane whispered.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Don't let me go," Jane whined.

"I won't go until you tell me to leave."

"Stay with me."

"Always, Jane, always."

Maura held her closer. She felt Jane tighten her arms around her as well. She bent her head slightly and kissed Jane's head. Jane, in turn, kissed her neck.

"Go to sleep, Jane. I'll be here when you wake. I promise."

"Thank you," Jane replied as she started to drifted off to sleep.


	13. In the Cold Light of Day

**In the Cold Light of Day  
**

The sun was coming through the mini-blinds. It was bathing Jane's room in a warm glow. She turned her head to see that the brunette was fast asleep still. Jane was on her side, turned towards her, with one arm curled under her head and the other draped between them.

Maura turned over. She softly ran her hand across Jane's brow, moving her dark hair out of her face. Jane gave a small smile, but was still asleep. Maura just watched her. She was so taken with her beauty and her strength. She knew what it meant last night for Jane to call her and she was proud that she was the one that Jane called.

Sure, they had been through a lot together, but she was sure that it made them stronger. She was glad that Jane knew she needed someone. She knew that she was so fiercely independent and she hated to appear weak, but she knew that Maura didn't care about any of that. She was the one that Jane always turned to, even when they were angry with each other. No matter what, they still cared for each other. And, it showed in their interactions, their conversations, and their demeanor around each other. How they didn't realize that they were perfect for each other before now, Maura wasn't sure.

Jane whimpered and her face contorted in pain. Maura immediately moved closer, pulling her back into her arms and holding her tight. She felt Jane stir just a little before she physically calmed completely into Maura. She smiled as she burrowed further into Maura's warmth.

Maura couldn't help the smile that happened. She bent her head down to kiss Jane's head, again. The touching gesture felt so common and right that Maura couldn't stop herself. She left her lips on her hair and smelled the floral shampoo. She rolled slightly on to her back and pulled Jane with her. Jane came willingly and burrowed even more into her neck once she was settled.

Maura felt herself starting to drift off again when she thought that she was imagining Jane's lips on her neck. The third or fourth time that she felt it, her eyes opened and she tilted her head down to look at Jane. Her green-hazel eyes met warm dark brown. Jane was smiling up at her. She moved her head back some more so that neither of them would get a neck cramp.

"Morning," Jane said.

"Good morning, Jane. Did you sleep well? How are you feeling?" Maura asked her.

"I'm fine, I guess. I feel drained but that is to be expected with all the crying and being pregnant, right? As for sleep, it was pretty good. I had a good cuddle buddy."

"No nightmares?"

"Not that I can remember," Jane stated.

"Good," Maura replied.

"Thanks for coming over last night."

"You don't have to thank me for that, Jane. I would have come home with you, if you'd wished. I knew that you needed some time to yourself, though," Maura stated.

"I am sorry, again, that I pushed you away," Jane said.

"Stop apologizing, Jane. It's fine," she told her as she brushed her hand down Jane's face. "I spent some time with your mother and brother before you called. We all went to the Dirty Robber. There was a little get together there."

"I missed it?"

"It's okay, Jane. Everyone understood. He was your partner. He was always by your side or a phone call away and now...now he isn't. No one faulted you for not coming," Maura told her.

"Doesn't mean that I don't feel bad," Jane replied.

Maura pulled her closer. She kissed her head again. The gesture this time wasn't lost on Jane. She smiled. She knew that Maura loved her and she was beginning to love her more than she wanted to admit. She knew that it was problem. She was afraid to love Maura, but it wasn't because she'd been hurt in the past or everyone that she had been romantically involved with left her. No, Jane was worried that she wasn't good enough for Maura and she was afraid of what could happen with the job. She knew that it wasn't fair, but she couldn't help it. She wanted to protect her, even if it was from herself.

"Stop thinking so hard," Maura advised her as she hugged her again.

Jane pulled away. She pushed up on the bed and looked down at Maura. Their eyes met. Maura could see the war in her eyes, but she was determined not to let pull away. She could see it in her eyes. She knew what Jane was thinking.

"No, Jane, I am not going to let you go. I think I've proven that to you. We've fought too long and too hard not to have each other. I am not going to let you go without a fight. I know that you are hurting. I am, too. He was my friend and co-worker, too. I miss him just as much as you do. But, if you think that I am going to let you go into some deep, dark, emotional hole because you think you'll feel better, safer, and things won't hurt as much, you're a bigger fool than you act."

Jane laughed. It wasn't in a happy manner and it was almost self-depreciating, but she knew that Maura understood it. She shook her head and her dark hair fell around them casting Maura into shadow. The only sight she had was Jane and her expressive eyes. She reached up and brushed the back of her hand against Jane's cheek. She knew that it wasn't much, but she hoped that it told the detective how much she felt in the moment.

"Maura," Jane stated as she broke away from the kiss.

"What is it, Jane? What do you need? Tell me," she demanded and Jane could see the worry in her eyes.

Jane didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do. She knew that Maura loved her, and oh, how she had loved her the other night. A slight shiver went through her body at the thoughts of Maura pleasing her. She couldn't help it. She'd used the memory of it a few nights when she'd been alone since then, due to their schedules, to help herself take the edge off.

"Are you cold?" Maura asked immediately seeing her shiver and reached for the covers.

"No."

"Are you sick?"

"No."

"Then, what's wrong, Jane?" Maura demanded.

Jane quickly leaned up and looked at the wall. She pulled back until she was sitting across Maura's lap. She couldn't look her eyes. She couldn't see the worry. And, she wasn't sure if she wanted Maura to see the emotion in her eyes at the moment.

It was all for naught, because Maura sat up, too. She wrapped her hands around Jane's waist as she did so and when she was completely up, she found herself a little above eye level with Jane's chest. She looked up at Jane, but Jane looked away. Maura raised her hand to Jane's chin and pulled her head down until she was looking into Maura's worried eyes. Jane tried not to look in her eyes, but she failed.

"Maur…."

"Don't pull away from me, Jane. It won't work. I am not going to let you go," Maura told her.

Jane tried to pull out of her hands, but true to her word, Maura didn't allow it. When their eyes met again, she saw the fresh tears in Jane's eyes. She didn't why they were there. She reached up and brushed them away with her fingers.

"Oh, Jane, don't cry. I am here. I am not going to let anything happen to you. I am here for you. Everything will be alright, dear. I promise," Maura told her.

"Don't make promises that you can't keep," Jane warned.

"I have no intention of failing you, Jane. I love you and you know that. I will do everything in my power to make sure that I will be there for you," Maura stated.

"Maura..."

Maura couldn't stop herself. She didn't know how to alleviate Jane's fears. She knew that she broken up about Frost, but this seemed to be deeper. She wondered if it was because she was pregnant and Casey was back at war. She needed to make Jane feel loved. She needed to make her understand that she was going to leave. She wanted to be there for her, pregnant or not. And, the only way that she could think of at the time to make her feel it, understand it and believe it was to physically love her.

She reached up with both hands and gently held her face. She used her thumbs to brush away her tears, but she never let her gaze leave Jane's eyes. She knew that they both needed that emotional connection. She could see how much Jane was adrift and she was trying to give her a life line. When that wasn't enough, she leaned forward and pulled Jane down towards her. Gently and softly, she kissed her lips, hoping that it would give Jane a new feeling of life.

Jane broke the kiss quickly and sighed. Her eyes were dilating and she was keeping her focus on Maura. Surrendering to the moment, she wrapped her hands around Maura's neck and shoulders and began to play with the hair at the base of her neck. When that didn't seem to be enough, she flattened her hands against the top of the T-shirt that Maura was borrowing so her hands were on top of Maura's shoulder blades. But, even that wasn't enough after a while. She needed more, but she didn't know what.

Her mind and her heart and her body were at war. Each of them having different needs and different emotions at the same time. She didn't know which one she she placate first. She just wanted the pain and sorrow to stop, but she didn't know how. She needed help. She needed someone to show her the way back to the light, because right now, all she saw was darkness.

She leaned into Maura, who graciously took her weight. She pulled Maura as close as she could, but it still wasn't enough. Her hands were desperately trying to find purchase on something, but she didn't know what as she was palming and slightly clawing at Maura's back. Her tears had returned. She needed the closeness and warmth of a body, but she didn't know how to ask. She didn't know that she deserved the adoration and pleasure that Maura could give her. In some ways, the want and desire for her made her feel dirty and ashamed. In others, she felt beautiful, loved and stronger.

As if sensing what Jane needed, she peeled herself slowly from her grasp. Jane's eyes were wild when they met hers and she knew that she needed to calm the detective down. She reached for the bottom hem of the t-shirt and pulled it over her head. Hoping that exposing herself, Jane would start to calm. And, it worked. Jane melted into her again, using her hands up and down her back, trying to feel every inch that she could of Maura's back.

"Jane..."

There was no response. She only held her tighter. Normally, this wouldn't have bothered Maura, but Jane's grip was stronger than she realized.

"Jane..." she said again a little louder this.

Again, there was no response, only sobs as Jane continued to try and burrow into Maura. Finally, Maura couldn't take it. She grabbed at Jane's arms and pulled them between them. She didn't let her go, but she nudged her a little so that Jane would look up and at her.

She could see the desperation in Jane's eyes, but there was more. She wasn't sure what it was because she'd never seen it in her eyes. She couldn't tell what else Jane needed, but she knew that she would give it to her.

"Jane..." she tried again.

"I need..."

"What?"

"I need..."

"What, Jane? What do you need? Tell me what you need," Maura implored her.

"I need..."

"What is it, Jane?"

"I need you..."

"You've got me, Jane. You've always had me. I am not going to let you go."

Maura wasn't sure that it was enough, but Jane kissed her...hard. She took her desperation out on Maura's mouth. She wasn't complaining. Jane was very passionate and unrestrained. She was losing control and adrift, but she knew that Maura would help her find her mooring and her control again. Maura was the only one who could.


	14. Desperation

**Desperation**

Jane wanted to lose herself in Maura. She finally understood what she was feeling. She needed to feel alive and Maura could do that for her. She made her feel so much the other night when Maura had proven her love. She needed that again. She needed Maura to burn herself upon her skin. She needed Maura to bring her back to life and in doing so, bring her back to the safety and control that she was used to having. She knew that Maura could do it. She knew that she loved Maura. And, armed with that knowledge, Jane started her descent into giving in to her desperation completely. Her state of rawness and

She pulled away from the kiss. She saw the love and the briefest amount of hunger reflected in Maura's eyes. She smiled at the strawberry blonde. Pulling her arm from Maura's grasp, she reached up and touched her cheek. She saw a flicker in her hazel eyes. She knew in that instant that Maura wanted her as much as she needed Maura. They kissed, but Maura kept it simple and gentle. Jane pulled back and looked into her softening hazel orbs.

It still wasn't enough. She kissed her again, hard. Her lips were searching and drinking up everything that Maura was giving her, but she needed more. She thrust her tongue in her mouth. She needed to taste her. Their tongues battled for control of the kiss. Maura was trying to slow it down, make it softer and allow them both to feel the pleasure in their touch. But, Jane had other ideas. She was hard and rough, edgy, just like she was on a case. She found something and she was going to explore it until it came to a resolution.

Maura reached up and touched her lightly on the neck. Her fingers grazed across Jane's tan skin. She was hoping that the physical touch, their connection, would make Jane slow down. It wasn't that Maura wasn't ready for her; she was. The more Jane touched her and demanded the closeness of her body, the more that Maura wanted her. But, she wanted to take things slower. They hadn't expressed themselves like this since that night in her bedroom weeks ago, after they got home from Las Vegas. She wasn't sure if Jane was ready to explore their love this way yet. They hadn't been together that long.

This was raw and needy, rough and emotionally driven. She couldn't deny Jane though. But, she knew that if they were going to do this, they needed to set some ground rules and they needed to be on equal footing. She broke the kiss and looked into Jane's fully blown eyes. When she saw her about to protest the move, she simply laid a finger against Jane's mouth.

Jane gave her a look. The hunger and need raging inside her, but before she could blow, Maura grabbed the bottom of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head. Now they were both exposed from the waist up. She gave Maura a sly grin as her head finally realized that Maura wasn't wearing a bra. Jane reached out and touched her tentatively, like she was making sure that it was okay.

"Touch me, Jane. I know you need to feel me. Touch me," Maura encouraged her, pulling Jane's hand towards her breasts.

Her hands were slightly rough, but that didn't bother Maura. She knew that Jane earned every scar, callus, and line on her hands. They were the hands of her lover and she loved the way that they touched her. The quiet reverence as Jane mapped her body. The feelings grew between them and Maura opened her legs, allowing Jane to sink back onto the bed.

As soon as she was settled again, Jane started exploring the medical examiner with a little more gusto. She roughly palmed her breasts. She admired the way that Maura's nipples got impressively harder and the skin of her areola puckered. She squeezed and weighed the mounds with her hands. And, then that wasn't enough for her desire. She squeezed them hard as she leaned in and kissed Maura. She was attacking her mouth.

Their kiss deepened. Tongues were dueling for control. Jane's hands found their way onto Maura's back. Her finger tips dug into her skin and muscle. For Maura, it felt like Jane was literally trying to become one with her. Each pull and tug of her hands, only succeeded in bringing them closer. So close that there wasn't air between them. There was only need and desire, a thirst that couldn't be quenched by calm exploration.

Jane left her mouth. For some primal reason, she had the urge to mark Maura. She knew that it wouldn't be good, especially with work, but she couldn't help herself. She needed to do it so that she would feel alive, so that she would see the life before, and so that mind could move passed the pain she was acutely feeling and trying process through.

She was raw, wounded and exposed. Maura was her balm and her bandages. She was the only thing keeping Jane somewhat sane at the moment. She wouldn't back down and she realized that Maura was keeping up with her need, her want, her blatant desires.

She pushed her down onto the bed. She left Maura's mouth for her throat. She began kissing, nipping and lightly biting at the flesh there. A moan escaped Maura's mouth and Jane popped up to look into her eyes. She needed to reassurance. She wanted to make sure that she wasn't hurting her. Maura answered the unasked question by pushing Jane back into the crook of her neck. Jane affixed her lips back to the sensitive skin. She licked and bit. She teased and kissed. And for each stroke of her lips and tongue, Maura gave her a small moan.

Finally it was too much. There was too much need and want and Jane bit down, harder than she meant to, into the cords of Maura's neck, right where her throat met her shoulder. Maura cried out in pain, but it was only a whimper. As Jane began to lave the area with her tongue, that whimper turned into a deep groan of pleasure.

Maura could tell what Jane needed. They had never talked about sex in depth between them, but Maura was a very attentive lover. She knew that Jane was exploring, but that her primal needs were driving her for the most part. She needed to help her rein that desire or they might both get more than they bargained for in the bed.

She wrapped her arms around Jane's back, slowly rubbing her fingers up and down the warm flesh. The sensation caused Jane to moan. She realized that she needed to be touched as bad as she needed to touch Maura. She arched her body into Maura's hands, wanting more to the sensation, the contact, and the feeling that her fingers were inducing.

She felt Jane start to give into her own pleasure and that is when she made her move. She shifted her legs just enough to wrap them around hers. Once she had her lower body in position, she grabbed on to Jane's back and successfully rolled them over. As she hovered over the brunette, she looked down her body in awe.

Sure it wasn't the first time that she had seen Jane naked, but this was different. Last time she had adored her body. She had kissed her almost from head to toe and back again. This time the ancient need to feel, to be complete, to give in to their base desires was overwhelming and absolute. There was no denying their passion and their driving, wanton need. Maura felt herself letting go and allowing the intense and visceral want to control their movements. Her hands were on Jane's body, kneading, touching, loving, demanding more and more.

Jane was below her, moaning. The heat between them was building to a fever pitch. And, in that moment, they both knew that this wasn't going to be long and soft. This was going to be fast and rough. Jane smiled at the thought as the neediness grew for them both.

Maura nipped at her skin. She mapped her body, learning every nook and every spot that made Jane cry out for more. She knew where to push and where to linger, but this was different. She could feel the wet warmth building at their cores and it only spurred them on more. Her fingers danced across heated and flushed skin. Her lips traced scars and wounds, and with each kiss, Jane felt her body healing, the wounds in her mind scabbing over, and her heart beating again.

"Touch me!" Jane demanded when she thought that Maura was going soft again.

And, touch her she did. She squeezed her hips as she moved Jane's body beneath hers. Finding the right angles and the right grasp, they rolled over each other. They weren't sure if the other was trying to dominate, but hands and mouths sought every possible inch of the other's body. Moans and whimpers were answered with more and more touches and kisses, nips and squeezes, until they hit that fever pitch. Jane needed to fall over the precipice and she let out a guttural grunt as Maura's hand skimmed across her hip and towards her center, testing and teasing her.

"Yes," Jane stated.

"Yes, what?"

"Make me feel, Maur…make me feel alive. Take the pain away. Make me whole again."

And, Maura did. Her fingers that had been slightly teasing Jane sunk into her body. Jane rose up to meet her. As they began to try to find a rhythm, it became obvious that Jane needed things harder, deeper. It was like she was trying to fuck the numb away. Maura read her body like a medical textbook and drove her higher. Each thrust was stronger than before, but Maura was still holding back because she didn't want to hurt Jane. She just wanted her to feel. She wanted her to find the oblivion that she was seeking so wonderfully desperate in another's hands, hoping that she would realize that Maura would be there to catch her when she fell and she would always be there to build her back up if she did fall.

"Yes…yes…more…harder…harder…more…" Jane cried out.

Maura moved her knee so that it was just behind her hand. This way she could use her own body weight to push harder and deeper with each thrust of her hand into Jane. With each stroke, Jane dug her fingers into Maura's back, but neither of them cared if there would be marks later. They were both so lost in the intensity of Jane's need that nothing besides what was happening between them mattered. A few more thrusts and a few wiggles of fingers, Jane cried out her exclamation as she found her few blissful moments of oblivion. Maura tried to help her hold onto the feeling, but Jane crashed through it, needing to find light and sanity at the end of it all.

Once she regained some semblance "right," Jane pulled Maura down for a kiss. It wasn't as hard or as rough, but it was still very thorough and deep. She was silently thanking Maura for her love and her compassion, but most of all for knowing what Jane needed, even when she couldn't vocalize it. She held on to Maura, not because she was afraid that she would leave, but because she didn't want to let go. She realized that the longer she held her; the more that Maura knew that she loved her. They complemented each other. They completed each other and Jane didn't want to give that up. She needed that completion to feel okay again.

As she held her, though, she realized that Maura hadn't found her ecstasy. Shifting just enough, she rolled them both over and looked down into her burning hazel orbs again. The smile she received was answered with her own lecherous grin. She needed to give Maura the same amount of passion that she had just received. She wanted Maura. She wanted her in ways that she'd possibly only dreamed of and now, Maura was in her bed, naked and ready, open and willing, and very, very able.

She couldn't remember them getting naked. Hell, a few minutes ago she couldn't even remember her name. But looking into Maura's eyes, she knew that she wanted to give her the same feeling. She wanted to make her come. She needed to make her come. It wasn't just about completion and need. No, making her come would be her absolution. It would give her the control that she was so desperately trying to reattain. She would be whole again.


	15. Absolution

**Episode Fifteen: Absolution**

Jane studied the beauty before her. Her dark eyes roamed over the stunning woman underneath her. She, even in her hazy mind, couldn't believe that it was Maura, that she was willing, and that she wanted Jane the same way that Jane wanted her.

The state of oblivion that she'd found minutes before became a catalyst between them. Jane needed to know. She needed to prove herself and her love to Maura. Twice now, Maura had seen what she needed and taken care of her needs without any respite of her own. She couldn't let that stand. Maura needed to feel the same passion that she had. She could see it in the dilation of her eyes, the flush of her skin, and the murmurs in her panting breath.

As Jane settled above her, she planned her route of attack. She wasn't going to physically be as demanding as before but she still wanted Maura to know the same passion, the same ecstasy that she had. She smiled down at her as she reached down and touched Maura's face. She didn't know if Maura needed the connection, the touch, the soft feel of her lover. She wanted to love her right. She wanted to give her the same amount of pleasure that she had received, but she realized that she didn't know what Maura liked.

Then, she smiled, again. It was going to be an adventure. She was going to learn more about her best friend than she ever had before. She was going to know how she would whimper with just a kiss right behind her ear. She was going to find out how and where Maura liked to be touched. Jane was going to enjoy it.

Cautiously and slowly, she moved until she was straddling Maura's thigh. She could feel the subtle musculature defined between her legs. She knew that it was from all the running that they both did. Suddenly, she was enraptured looking at Maura's body. She knew how lithe and svelte her friend was, but now, actually paying attention to it was heavenly. Jane almost lost her breath as she continued to stare down at Maura.

Maura, who was used to heavy inspections and study, was starting to get a little shy under Jane's impeccable gaze. She reached up and grazed her fingers against Jane's cheek. Jane shook her head and leaned into the touch. Need pushed Jane further. She reached up and took Maura's hand, holding it to her face before leaning down to kiss the beauty below her.

As they kissed, Jane felt herself getting lighter. Her worries were leaving her. Her heart was mending even more and she could start to feel again. The numbness was leaving and she starting to feel...normal.

She deepened the kiss. It was rough, but she couldn't help her desire. She still wanted to give Maura the same amount of pleasure that she'd received, but part of her, that primal base part of her, wanted to devour her, claim her, mark her as her own so everyone would know that Maura was hers now. She couldn't stop that train of thought and the more she kissed Maura, the more she didn't want to, either.

Her thoughts moved to fucking Maura completely. She moved from her mouth to her neck. Earlier, she'd bit her. Now, she nipped and ran her tongue over it. She cataloged each sigh, each moan, and each whimper. She memorized where Maura seemed to like her to linger, and linger she did. She knew that she was doing something right when Maura's hands buried themselves in her hair, effectively holding her to one spot. She continued to love that spot until she felt the need to move on. Then, she gave it a quick nip before pulling back.

She looked back up into Maura's eyes. She saw the answers to questions that she didn't even know that she wanted to ask. She was captivated.

"Jane?" Maura asked, when she didn't keep moving.

Jane didn't reply. She just gave her a smile before giving her a quick kiss. The need to touch her took over now. She sat back up onto her haunches, still straddling Maura's thigh. She heard Maura's quick intake of breath as she finally let her eyes roam over Jane. Sitting like that, she was on display, and she knew that it gave Maura a sense of togetherness. They could both gaze at each other without restraint or worry in that position.

For a few moments, Jane let her hands rest on her own thighs as she continued to appreciate Maura below her. She watched as her hazel eyes blew completely. She knew that her own senses were hyper-aware, and she could only wonder what Maura was feeling. She needed to know. She needed to hear it.

"Tell me..."

"Tell you what Jane?" Maura asked.

"Tell me how you feel?"

Maura smiled. She knew that Jane was trying to calm herself and enjoy their encounter. She was trying to ground herself in the moment and not give in completely to need to fuck someone so roughly. Maura wasn't opposed to it, but she had hoped that their first time together, pleasing each other, wouldn't be so...desperate.

"I feel beautiful in your eyes."

"You are gorgeous."

"I feel warm and amazing after each and every kiss."

"You are so calm about this," Jane said suddenly.

"Would you rather I was upset about earlier?"

"No...no...I am sorry about that."

"Jane, there is nothing to be sorry about. You needed that. We both did to a degree. Never feel bad about needing someone to love you."

"I don't...not about that."

"Then, what do you feel bad about?" Maura asked.

"I was...it was...I bit you."

"And?"

"You have a bruise," Jane replied.

"It's called makeup, Jane. I can cover it. It isn't my first love bite and with you, I am sure that it won't be my last," Maura explained.

Jane gave her a slight giggle, which Maura joined in on. She reached out and took Jane's hands, threading her fingers through Jane's. Jane leaned back over and kissed her again. The kiss deepened quickly and they were quickly fighting over control. Jane thrust her tongue into Maura's mouth. She licked everything and teased the roof of her mouth a few times before breaking the kiss to breathe deeply.

Once she caught her breath, she began down her throat again. She didn't nip or bite. She just kissed and ran her tongue down as she made her way to Maura's shoulders. She covered those with kisses and then continued her descent. She made her way slowly and with small kisses and nips to Maura's breasts. She was amazed with them. It wasn't like she didn't know what to try, because she had them, too. It was just daunting for her for a few seconds, because not only was she making love to a woman, but that woman happened to be her best friend.

She decided to take her time. The need and the want were pushing her to the final goal, but she needed to slow things down for her own sanity. She didn't want to rush this. She wanted Maura to be able to saver the experience.

She ran her tongue down between the valley of her breasts. She kissed her way over to her left side. She stopped, hovering just above Maura's right nipple with her mouth. The skin of her lips barely touching the harden tip. She let out a breath and felt the nub harden more. She smiled around it as she slowly sucked it into her mouth. As she suckled on Maura's nipple, she flicked her tongue against it. Maura moaned. She grabbed Jane's hand and held her closer. Jane moaned as she continued to suck.

After a few more minutes, Jane switched breasts. She took the other one in her mouth and began to suck on it. She moaned as she continued to lick and suck on the breast and nipple. While she was doing that, she let her hands rub up and down Maura's sides. She felt every inch of delicious skin that she could without stopping or letting up with her laving of her breasts. She started moving from one to the other, blowing and teasing them to hardened points.

"Jane...more...please," Maura begged.

Hearing the need in her voice set Jane on fire. She started kissing every inch of skin that she could reach. She didn't move down her body. She wanted to worship it, learn it, love it, like Maura had days before to her own. She wanted to make her so wet with desire that it wouldn't take long for her to fall, and then she would make fall again and again, until she begged Jane to stop. That was her plan.

Well, it was the perfect plan for her until her hips started moving on their own accord. She didn't realize that she was moving until she felt Maura's hands on her hips. They were guiding her back and forth. Then she realized that Maura was helping her find her own passion as her clit rubbed back and forth on Maura's leg. She didn't realize that she was losing herself in the sensations until Maura spoke again.

"Jane...touch me," Maura stated.

Jane opened her eyes and looked down at her. She didn't stop moving, but she reached down between them. She found the warm wetness pooling between Maura's legs. She teased her clit with a few strokes. She ran her fingers up and down Maura's slit. She whimpered with each touch and each new sound that Maura gave her. She locked her eyes with the examiner's. She looked right into her eyes and tried to lose herself in them as she continued rub against Maura. She wanted Maura to feel the immensity of the pleasure that she was receiving as well.

Her fingers dove a little more until they sunk deep inside. She scissored her fingers, trying to get a feel for the woman beneath her. She found that nice spot deep insider her that was spongy and ribbed. She let her fingers dance across it and she was rewarded with a deep groan.

"Yes, Jane...yes...oh, yes," Maura cried out.

The more Maura cried out, the more Jane rode her leg. She couldn't believe that she was about to climax all over her best friend's leg. She didn't really care because the sensations were becoming so intense that she was losing herself in the moment. She barely had enough focus to continue her plunging into Maura. She closed her eyes for a second until the feelings threatened to take over. She didn't want be a selfish lover. She wanted Maura to cum first. She needed her to do it. She opened her eyes and watched as Maura flailed beneath her, but somehow still had enough forthought to keep Jane rocking against her.

"Jane...oh, Jane..."

"Maur...Maur..."

She kept up her rubbing and thrusting, driving them both higher and higher. But finally, she couldn't back anymore. When she was about to cry out her ecstasy, Maura beat her to it. Hearing Maura, Jane fell over the cliff...hard...again.

"Oh, Jane...yes...yes...OH...JANE!"

She grunted and moaned, determined to let her ears and eyes drink up Maura's passion as she watched her. She cried out when it became too much, but she didn't stop. It wasn't enough. She still needed more.

She moved down Maura's body. She put her head between her legs and took a deep breath. She could smell the desire. She could almost taste it and then primal urge to stick her tongue in Maura's slit took over. She lapped and licked at her. She could feel Maura thrashing, like she was trying to hold on to something to keep her grounded in reality. Jane knew that feeling all to well from Maura's tongue.

Maura grabbed her body. Only catching her shoulders, she pushed on one until Jane shifted her position slightly. With each move, Maura would change from pushing and pulling until she got Jane to look up over her torso and into her eyes. It was then that she knew that Jane understood.

Jane slowly maneuvered her body until her core was over Maura's mouth. She'd hadn't even thought about having a "69" with Maura until that very moment, but it seemed utterly delicious. As soon as she felt Maura's tongue on her already wet thigh, she moaned onto Maura's clit sending vibrating sensations deep into her partner's core. When Maura lightly bit Jane's clit, she came hard as a scream tore through her mouth and into Maura's slit.

Maura came again as well. It was all too much for them both. They were loving each other, exploring each other and taking each other to new heights. In that moment, nothing outside of the room existed. Only their desire and passion did. And, neither of them were planning on stopping any time soon. Maura had found a lover that could keep up with her and love her deeply, passionately, completely. She found someone that understood the job and all that it could possibly entail.

Jane hadn't lost count at the number of time that Maura had made her scream. She didn't mind. She hadn't felt so loved and cared for, safe and sane, since before Casey left. And, now, she was grounded. She felt whole. She had found her strength to carry on and fight another day. She knew that she had the support of a wonderful woman who would leave her, who loved her unborn child even though it wasn't hers, and someone that wasn't going to hurt. She also got the job and the hours, so that was an added bonus. Loving Maura was her saving grace, her absolution, and the smartest thing that Jane had done in quiet some time.

They were laying bed, finally spent, panting when the tale-tell signs that Boston wasn't going to let them go so easily. Their bubble had burst. Their salvation in each other would have to wait as Jane reached for her phone to stop its shrill ring.

"Rizzoli...yeah...yeah, I'll be right there. Give me time to change. Yeah...yeah...I'll let her know...I got it, Korsak. We'll both be there as soon as we can."

"Case?"

"Yeah," Jane replied.

"Time for a shower?"

"We'll make time."

"We don't have time for that, Jane. We need to go. Time is crucial, you know that," Maura chided her.

"I wasn't talking about that. It'll be quicker if we shower together. Come on," Jane told her as she got out of the bed, feeling lighter, better, and ready to face the world.


	16. Thinking Louder Than Feeling

**Thinking Louder Than Feeling**

Jane sat in Maura's office. She was avoiding her mother. She knew that if she went up to the cafe that her mother would figure out that something was going on with her and possibly that something was going on with her and Maura. She wasn't ready for that. She needed time to process what was happening to herself before she started sharing any news with anyone else.

She knew that Maura would understand. They were best friends, now lovers, but they kept their word Maura would only talk about her pregnancy behind closed doors and when no one else was around. She wouldn't bring up their relationship until Jane was ready. And, while she had to admit that she enjoyed waking up with Maura in the morning, she wasn't sure if she was ready to pursue anything with her. She didn't know if Maura would understand that, but she would talk to her. She needed time and she hoped that Maura would give it to her.

She sighed and she started rubbing her hands. She knew that Maura would know that something was wrong as soon as she came in, but Jane wasn't sure what her hang up was. She loved Maura. She knew that, but she wondered about them actually having a relationship. And, then there was the fact that she was pregnant. It wasn't fair to Maura. She didn't sign up for a kid when she fell for Jane.

"You know normally people ask to get comfortable or they are invited to get comfortable before they do so in someone else's office," Maura said as she came in and sat behind her desk.

Jane looked down her feet as they rest on Maura's coffee table. She hadn't realized that she had put them up. She was tired. She was drained and she was about to do battle with Maura. And, she knew that Maura had no idea that they might be about to fight.

"Hiding from your mother again?" Maura asked as she opened her laptop and grabbed a file.

She began processing her notes on the latest case she was working. She was focused on the file and the computer that she didn't notice the distress on Jane's face. She just figured that Jane was hiding from Angela to keep the pregnancy a secret a little while longer. Maura knew that Angela would figure it out soon, especially since Jane had started drinking tea instead of her coffee.

She was hiding the morning sickness well, but Maura knew it was only a matter of time before she started showing. They had a few weeks, and she hoped that Jane would ask her to go with her to her next doctor's appointment. She wanted to make sure that the baby was developing as scheduled. She wasn't just invested in Jane's health, but the baby's as well. She wanted them both to be healthy.

"Jane?" Maura asked looking over the top of her laptop as she pushed the file away from her.

Jane looked up at her. Now, Maura could see the emotion in her eyes. She jumped up and crossed the room, sitting down on the couch beside her and taking her hand. She didn't know what was wrong. All she knew was that Jane needed her and that was all that mattered.

"Jane, what's wrong?"

Jane looked up at her, the tears threatening to spill over. Maura was taken aback. She didn't know where all this emotion was coming from. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what was wrong, so she didn't know how to help. She hated being helpless but that is how she felt. She was supposed to help Jane when she was in distress, but she couldn't. All she could do was hold her.

She reached out to take Jane into her arms. Jane started to go with it, but as soon as she felt Maura's warmth, she pulled back away. She tried to put some more distance between herself and Maura, but there was only so far that she could go on the couch. She felt bad about doing this, but she figured that she needed to nip this in the bud now. She didn't want Maura getting too invested in anything with her.

"Jane, talk to me. You promised me the other night that you would do this. You wouldn't pull away. Talk to me. You know that I am not going to judge you. Please tell me what's wrong," Maura pleaded.

Jane took a deep breath and turned to face her. The emotion evident on her face. The worry evident in Maura's eyes. She could see that Maura was still reaching out to her. She wanted to take the offered hand, but she was afraid that if she did, she'd break down further. She needed to put the distance between them. She needed to make Maura see her point of view. She needed space for a while.

"Maur..."

"What is it, Jane? You can tell me anything. Did something happen to the baby? To Casey? What is it?" Maura questioned, sounding more and more concerned with each question.

"No, nothing's happened as far as I know. Casey is still in Afghanistan and the baby is fine. My next appointment is a few weeks. I feel fine, so I don't think there is anything wrong on that front."

"Then, what is it?"

"I don't know what to say..."

"About?" Maura pushed.

"Us..."

There, it was in the open. Jane felt a little lighter, but she was hurting for Maura. She knew that this wasn't Maura was thinking or what she was prepared to hear. Their eyes met and it was as if Maura suddenly had an epiphany. She saw the words that Jane was scared to say in her dark eyes.

"I see," Maura replied.

"Maur..."

"What do you want me to say, Jane?"

"I don't know."

"What do you want me to do?" Maura asked her.

"I don't know."

"Well, how about you tell me what you know and we'll try to go from there?" Maura suggested hoping that they could work through whatever Jane was feeling.

"I don't know what to do. Everything is just so overwhelming. I thought I could do this, but I don't know that I can. I don't know what to say, Maura. I don't want to hurt you," Jane stated.

"Then, don't. Talk to me. Tell me what you are thinking."

"It isn't fair."

"What isn't fair?" Maura asked.

Jane jumped off the couch. She began pacing. Maura just let her, knowing that she was trying to get her thoughts together. She hadn't seen her this agitated in a while, so she was content to let Jane work through it until she couldn't. She sat, prim and proper with her perfect posture, and it just seemed to agitate Jane more. She couldn't understand why Maura wouldn't just fight with her about this.

"You never asked for of any of this, Maura. I am a mess. I am pregnant. I work odd hours. I am difficult and stubborn. I don't eat right. And, all we have in common is death. We both work with death. How is this going to work? I can't ask you to be my partner when I am like this. I am mess."

"Yes, you are, but that doesn't matter."

"Why not?!" Jane exclaimed inquiry.

"Did you not think that I knew about all of that before the other night, Jane?"

"I don't know… Maybe. How could I? I've been so freaked out about being pregnant and then Frost dying that I haven't had time to process anything, really. I … I just, Maura... I don't know what I am doing right now except for work. My personal life if shit and I don't want to bring you down in it with me. You don't deserve that. No one does. Hell, there are days that I don't know how to deal with myself. How can I ask you to be with me like that?"

Maura waited a few seconds to see if she was actually done. When Jane didn't start up again, she took in her pacing. She counted five to the left and the six to the right. She wasn't keeping a steady pace. This told Maura all she needed to know. Jane needed some time. She needed to be able to work through the last few weeks. Maura understood that. She could give her time. She would give Jane whatever she needed. She had hoped that she'd already proven that to her, but seeing Jane like this was proving that Jane wasn't just being difficult, she wasn't ready for a relationship either.

"What do you need, Jane?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do. You're just afraid to say it. You're afraid that after we had a few good days that everything is going to fall apart. If you need to take things slow, we can. I am not opposed to that. I understand that we may be moving faster together than we have in other relationships. Besides, we haven't decided anything together, Jane. I told you that I would be there for you and I aim to do that. I am not going to let you push me away," Maura told her.

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because you are my friend and because you care about me. This entire conversation proves that, Jane, whether you want to believe it or not. You're afraid to tell me that you are scared. I get that. I am scared, too. But, for some reason, you hate to appear weak. It is why you asked for a new partner after everything with Korsak and Hoyt…"

"Don't go there, Maura…" Jane warned.

"It is why you don't want a new partner now that Frost has died."

"Maura…"

"What, Jane? What? Am I not allowed to be upset as well? Can I not tell you that I care about you and that I want you to be happy? Even it isn't with me? I want you to be happy. I want you to be healthy. I want the same for the child growing inside of you. If things don't work out between us, I won't be sorry for the time we've spent together, Jane. We've been friends for a long time. I am not going to let something happen to you if I can help it."

"Maura, that isn't what I am saying at all."

"If you need time, I'll give you time, Jane. I don't want to pressure you into anything. I know that we have both been attracted to each other for a long time. We were in Vegas when we first kissed. It wasn't the most the romantic thing, but it was nice. We started going out together. We made out like high school kids, or so you told me. Look, I get that things have compounded greatly since then. I would be a fool to deny that, so I won't. You've got a lot that you need to deal with. So deal with it and then come find me. I still be waiting, for a while at least," Maura told her as she grabbed the files and headed out of her office.

She left because she knew that Jane needed a place to think without anyone else bothering her. She couldn't hide in her own apartment because Angela, Korsak or her brother Frankie would show up to talk to her. If Jane stayed in her office, then people would leave her alone. They would just assume that she was there with Maura. It was enough for Maura. She would go home. She would go for a drive. She had more options. Jane really didn't.

Was she hurt? Yes. Was she going to give up on them? No. She knew that Jane would have doubts. She knew that Jane would fight against it when she finally had time to think about it. She just hoped that she had argued her point. She really didn't care about what other people thought about them. She didn't even care that Jane was pregnant. She would love that child just as much as she loved Jane because the child was a part of Jane. There was nothing else that matter at that moment in Maura's world, but Jane. She just hoped that Jane would see it.

Jane sat in Maura's office. She was staring at the strange tribal masks that she had on the wall. Well, that is what it would look like if anyone checked on her. In all honesty, she was trying to figure out what the hell just happened between her and Maura. The discussion hadn't gone like she had planned. She wasn't even sure that she made her point.

She walked back across the office and fell onto the couch. She wasn't sure what she was feeling at the moment, except empty. She needed Maura. She knew that, but she needed to figure things out for herself. She didn't want to hurt her. She didn't want to push her away. She … she just needed space to think and when Maura was around she couldn't…didn't think clearly.

"Oh, fuck me. What have I done?" she asked the empty office as she got up to go find Maura, and ran into her mother instead. "Hey ya, Ma."

"Janie, is there something that you need to tell me?"

"Uh, no?"

"I know," Angela told her.

"Know what?"

"About the baby," Angela stated.

"Ma, I can't do this right now. I need to go. I have a case…something I need to see about. I…"

"We'll talk later!" Angela called out to Jane's retreating form.


	17. Bob and Weave

**Bob and Weave  
**

Maura sits in her room in Vegas. She stares at the strip. She is still upset, but she had agreed to come to the conference, not only to learn some more procedures and find out about new tech, but also to speak at a few of the symposiums. She had a coffee cup in her hand, of course it was full of tea, but it wasn't calming her like she hoped.

She hadn't wanted to leave the way she had. She knew that Jane was still hurting, which is only one of the reasons that she didn't want to leave. She was trying to give Jane the berth that she needed. She knew that she wasn't ready to talk yet. It had only been two weeks, but they had been tense. Before she left, she could tell that Korsak knew something was wrong between them. She asked Jane, in one of the brief conversations that they had before she left, if she would be okay with her being there and Jane assured her that she would.

It wasn't that she didn't believe Jane. She did. She just felt bad for not being there with her. She knew that they would be able to handle things while she was out, but she felt like she was leaving Jane vulnerable, like she was working with only one hand. It didn't sit well with her.

She was watching the strip as people moved around. It was a dichotomy of the world and she could see the difference between the locals and the tourists. She found that watching them her mind started to calm. She knew that she would fully calm down until she talked to Jane, but she needed to try and not be worried about her before today's lectures started. She needed to focus on why she was in Las Vegas, again, and not be worried about Jane.

She gave up not worrying. She decided that it was time to take a shower and head down to the conference. She would call Suzie later to see how things were going in the office and to possibly see what she could find out about Jane. She knew that it was wrong, but she was worried. She wasn't sure how many people knew that Jane was pregnant and she wanted to make sure that her friend was taking care of herself. It wasn't that she didn't trust Jane, it was because she knew Jane and how she acted.

An hour later, she was in the hotel's restaurant thinking about what she wanted for breakfast. She grabbed a plate and hit the buffet. She wasn't surprised as soon as she sat down that she was joined with ME's from other areas of the country. She smiled as they joined her.

"Hey, Doctor Isles, how are things in Massachusetts?" one the men who had joined her asked.

"I have a good crew of people working for me. We have gotten some new equipment and it is already helping us and the Boston PD. How are things for you in Montana?" she asked when she realized who he was and that they had met last year at a conference in Chicago.

"I convinced the governor to give me some more money, so we are getting some newer equipment. I am sure that it isn't as good as what you have, but it works for us. I am just happy that he lets me get to all the conferences and trainings that I can. He's never question my budget for it," he told her.

"That's great. What are you going to see first today? Organized killings with Doctors Foster and Wang, or new protocols on diseases with the CDC director and FBI coroner Doctor Timmons?"

"I was thinking that I needed to brush up on protocols. What about you? Protocols or organized crime deaths? Which sounds more important for you?" Maura inquired.

"Protocols sounds good to me. I hope that I never have to really deal with organized death. I can always read up on it. Besides, I am sure that if it comes to that, I can call the FBI to come in and handle the situation. I'll just assist like I always do," he replied.

"Mind some company then, Charlie?" she questioned when she finally realized his name.

"Not at all, Doctor Isles. Shall we go then? I want to get a good seat."

"Sounds great. And, Charlie, call me Maura. Doctor Isles seems so formal here," she told him.

"As you wish, ma'am," he stated as he offered her his hand.

She took it and allowed him to escort her to the auditorium that was holding the lecture on updated protocols on disease handling and testing with the CDC. He took her into the middle of the hall and found them some seats. They took their seats and Maura looked around the conference auditorium. She waved at a few of the other doctors there. They waved back. She settled back into her chair.

Just before Doctor Timmons took the stage, Maura reached into her purse and grabbed her cell phone. She knew that she needed to silence her phone. She didn't want to be rude during the lecture and she doubted that anyone would call her while she was there. If they needed her, she knew that they would email her. She knew that she could and would follow up with them as soon as it was possible for her. They all understood that she was at the conference and they had all agreed to let her be. She would check in with them each night, especially Suzie. She needed to for her own peace of mind.

When the lecture was over, Maura gathered up all the new literature that she had received. She placed it in the CDC tote that she had been given and grabbed the listing for the other lectures and symposiums at the conference. She saw Charlie do the same thing, but before he could ask her what she wanted to go to next, she pulled out her cell phone and checked her email.

She couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. Two of them were from Suzie, one from Korsak, and there was even one from Angela. It was the last one from Jane that actually gave her reason to smile. She was doing her best not to open that one first, but she couldn't stop herself. As soon as she did, she was disappointed. It wasn't a personal email. It was Jane asking her for help on how to deal with Suzie and the case they were working. She had hoped it would have more, but she understood that Jane was under pressure with the case and that she was trying to remain professional. She couldn't fault her for that, but it still hurt that there wasn't any personalization in it, either.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. I need to go back to my room. The detectives I work with have some questions about a case. I need to go talk with them to see if I can help them. I'll catch up with you later?"

"Sure, Maura. Maybe we could do dinner or something. I'm heading to Decomp 101 and then to the tech floor to see what gadgets I can try to ask for," Charlie told her.

"Hopefully, I can catch up to you on the tech floor."

"Hopefully," he stated as he watched her walk away.

Maura made her way back to her room. She started the coffee maker for hot water because she knew that she would need another cup of tea after reading all her emails. When that was started, she moved over to her bags and grabbed her laptop. Once she had it situated and on, she sat down at the table behind it and waited for it to boot up. She reached across the desk and grabbed a new mug and poured some hot water in it. She grabbed a tea bag and began to dunk it as she logged into her systems.

She quickly logged into Skype and called Jane and Suzie. Suzie answered first. So she discussed the case with her. She could see the frustration on Suzie's face at Jane's antics. She talked with her head tech and analyst. She told her how to deal with Jane and if she had any other issues with her that she was to divert her information to Sergeant Korsak instead. It would rankle Jane, but she would hopefully learn a lesson about how to deal with the forensics team when Maura wasn't there to be the go-between.

After thirty minutes of talking with Suzie, Maura logged off. She moved to sit on the end of the bed. She fell back on the bed. She didn't know how long she had been staring at the ceiling when she heard the Skype ring on her computer. She sat up and looked at the screen. It was Jane.

She gave a lopsided grin as she sat up and moved back to the desk chair. She sat down and opened the call. Jane looked haggard, frustrated, and slightly lost. She didn't know what to say to her friend. She wasn't sure what Jane wanted her to say.

But, it wasn't a personal call. Jane wanted someone to bounce ideas off of about the case. Maura humored her and gave her some things to look into. She was glad that she could help, but she could tell that Jane wasn't doing well. She didn't know how to broach the subject. So, she just let Jane lead the conversation.

"Thanks for the help again, Maur. I wish you were here. I think that you would like this case."

"I am sure that it has its own unique issues, but I have learned some more things to help you on future cases. But, I will remind you that harassing Suzie isn't going to make you any friends in the lab. Also, she explained that she has been helping you by making mock scenes," Maura stated.

"Yeah, little 'die-o-ramas.' They are life like miniatures of the crime scenes. They are actually a little helpful, pun intended. But, I miss you being here to help us. She doesn't bounce ideas the same way that you do, Maura. We both know that I don't like change. When will you be back?"

"In a few days," Maura answered.

She watched as Jane just nodded. She could see the forced smile. She knew that Jane was happy for her. She knew what the conferences meant for her and Jane respected her as one of the tops in her field. But, she could see the wariness plainly on her face.

"Jane?"

"Yeah, Maura?"

"You okay?"

"I'm fine, Maura," Jane replied, but it seemed a little forced.

"Are you sure?"

"I'll be okay. I am just trying to deal with Ma being all, well, Ma. Frankie and Korsak are being all protective now that they know as well. I am being careful and taking care of myself, but they are treating me like I'm made of glass and it is really starting to bug me. I was just hoping that you would be home sooner. At least if you're here, it might be bearable because I know that you will make them stop. You will give them facts and tidbits which will keep them busy enough that I can still do my job without being covered head to toe in Kevlar," Jane explained.

"Korsak thinks of you like a kid sister or even a daughter, Jane. He cares about you. As for Frankie and your mother, did you expect any less from them? I am sure that Angela is being fine. She saw how your were with TJ and she just wants you to be happy, Jane. That's all she wants," Maura stated.

"Well, can she do it without being so clingy?" Jane whined.

"No."

"Figures," Jane replied with a sigh.

"Is there anything else, Jane?"

"Did you leave your car at the airport?"

"No, I took a taxi. I'll get another for the ride home. My flight will be getting in pretty late on Friday and I didn't know if anyone would be available. It just made more sense to me," Maura explained.

"I could pick you up," Jane offered.

"Jane, you don't have to. I am perfectly capable of getting taxi home. Besides, you need to rest for the baby's sake," Maura told her.

"Can I pick you up, then?" Jane asked her almost as if she was begging.

"Why?"

"I need to talk to you."

"We are talking, Jane."

"Geezus, Maur, not like this. I need to talk talk to you. I need to do in person."

"About?"

"It doesn't matter right now. Just, will you let me pick you up? We can go to the diner you like on Fifth and eat. I am sure that I'll either still be at the office or working something by the time your flight gets in. We both know that murders don't ever take a holiday."

"That is true, but I don't think that it is acceptable for you to plan your investigations around my flight, Jane. I'll be fine. We can talk after I get home. I promise that I will make time for you."

"Fine," Jane replied and turned of the Skype call.

Maura stared at her computer screen in shook. She hadn't expected Jane to get all emotionally upset by denying her the ability to pick her up at the airport. She wasn't even sure that Jane had her flight information, but she knew that it wouldn't be difficult for her to find it and quickly.

She got back up and walked over to the bed. She laid back down and stared at the ceiling, again. She felt her cellphone vibrate. She grabbed it and saw that it was from Jane.

_I'm sorry._

That was all it said. But, it was enough for Maura. She wasn't sure if she was sorry for "hanging up" abruptly or the way that she had been acting for the last few weeks. Either way, Maura decided that after she got home, she would go to Jane's apartment to talk. It was time for them to talk again, and maybe this time, they could get somewhere with Jane and her emotions.


	18. Inside the Southpaw's Ring

**Inside the Southpaw's Ring**

It was a late Friday night. Jane was sitting on the couch watching the local bout on TV. She proud that the was between two local fighters, a Southie Irishman and an Italian Southpaw. She wanted to be nursing a beer, but knew that she couldn't. She absently rubbed at her stomach, not even realizing that she was doing, as she cussed at the screen. If anyone nearby was actually listening, they would know that she was questioning the legitimacy of the ref's parents' marriage, his ability to see and whether or not he was on the take for the bout.

At that point, she didn't care if anyone heard her. She was just trying to relax and enjoy the fight. She didn't want to think about murder and mayhem. And, she definitely didn't want to be worrying about Maura, but she couldn't help it.

She looked over at the cable box and the clock. She sighed. It would be another thirty minutes until Maura's plane landed and then another thirty or so minutes before she would be heading home, probably. Jane wanted to be there. She had a key, but she was still upset, a little, that Maura hadn't wanted her to pick her up at the airport. She was trying to give her some space, but she didn't know why. She really didn't. She wanted to talk to her and she figured that if they were on neutral ground it would be safer. It was why she suggested the diner, but Maura shot her down. She sighed.

"Ahhh, come on. That was below the belt, even I saw that one. Wake up, ref!" Jane yelled at the TV.

Jane wasn't sure who she was rooting the most for, Seamus "Finn" O'Donahue or Giovanni "Santoro" Ricci. She was happy that they were both Bostonians, but she really didn't care who won. She was just glad for some down time. She was just really watching the fight to waste time until Maura got home. She would call her in about an hour to see if she'd made it home okay, and then she wouldn't worry about Maura until their next case. She knew it wasn't much, but it was all she could do.

She was still trying to work through her issues with possibly dating Maura. Her being pregnant was still the biggest thing. She knew that Maura wouldn't care, but it still bothered her. She still didn't think that it was fair. She was still trying to figure out if that was the only reason. She wasn't sure. She knew that she was pretty liberal because of her job and all the things that she'd seen, but she could help but think that it was her Catholic upbringing that was also giving her doubts. She sighed. She really just needed to talk to Maura. That would be the only thing that would calm her nerves, now.

She turned back to the fight. She knew that she should wait until tomorrow to call Maura. So, she decided in that moment that she would as she gave her attention back to the fight.

"What the... Come on! Oh, sure, right at the bell. Damn, I hope you call the next round better!" Jane called out.

She was just about to throw something at the TV when there was a knock at the door. She looked over at the cable box and it read 11:45. She scrunched up her face as she stood up. She reached over to the table and grabbed her piece. She wasn't expecting anyone and she wanted to be prepared.

She made her way over to the door and looked out the peephole. She stepped back from the door and looked over at the clock on the cable box. Then she looked back out the peephole. She couldn't believe that Maura was standing there. She quickly opened the door and let Maura in.

"Maura?" she questioned, "What are you doing here? Your flight isn't due for another forty-five minutes."

"Do you want me to go?" Maura countered.

"NO," Jane said a little more forcefully than she wanted.

"I figured that I would come here to see you. I know that you were wanting to pick me up and I told you that I could take a taxi. You seemed upset that I wasn't letting you come get me and I know that you wanted to talk, so it just made sense that I would come here. You did tell me that you would be up anyway," Maura explained.

It was then that Jane realized that she was in a tattered Boston Red Sox ringer T-shirt and a utilitarian grey pair of sweat pants. She blushed for a second and the she remembered that Maura had seen in her worse and in nothing. There was no reason for her to be shy now.

"Well, yeah, it was a long week and I haven't been able to sleep long," Jane stated.

"Why not?"

"I've been thinking too much," Jane replied.

"About?" Maura asked, hoping that Jane would actually tell her.

"The baby, work, us, the usual," Jane said with her standard sarcastic flair.

"And, what conclusions have you come to?"

"That I don't like it when we don't talk," Jane replied.

"Then talk to me," Maura added.

"I want to, but I am scared."

"Of what?"

"What if you don't like what I have to say?"

"Jane, it will be okay. I am not going to go running away. I know what you do for a living. Yes, it is stressful and it does have its own hazards, but then again so does being the ME. I would never ask you to stop being you. I couldn't," Maura told her.

Jane smiled and moved over towards her couch. Maura followed her and sat down beside her. She turned and looked at the fight before looking up at Jane with a surprised expression.

"What?"

"Are you seriously watching that?"

"Yes, both boys are from Boston. It's good fight. Well, it would be if the ring ref wasn't so blind."

"I can't believe with all the depravity that you see daily that you would watch this overly barbaric and blatant display of machismo. Pummeling someone like that doesn't prove that you are a better man. It just means that you can take a punch and hit harder."

"Well, yeah, but it can also be a test of strategy and endurance. It can also show how well you can fight through the pain and still be victorious. It can be barbaric, but men have been fighting for years. At least now, these fights are timed, regulated and as safe as they can be," Jane explained.

"Yes, but fighters can still die," Maura stated like it would prove her point.

"That is in anything. It is a hazard of the sport, but it isn't necessarily the outcome of every fight. Hence, why they have rules. If someone gets really punch drunk, the ref will call the fight."

"Jane, I don't want to talk about the fight," Maura said, looking her squarely in the eye.

Jane nodded. She understood what Maura was saying. She reached over and muted the TV at first. The look that Maura gave her told her that it wasn't enough.

"Ahh, come on, Maur. There is only one more round and they are both from Boston. I need to know who wins the fight. Korsak and Frankie won't let me live it down if I don't know tomorrow."

Maura cocked an eyebrow at her, but nodded. She knew how rough Korsak and Frankie could be when they both ganged up on Jane. She figured that she could deal with the pugilists fighting in the background if there was no sound with it. Then she could pretend that she didn't know what a blow to the Supraorbital margin could cause to the recipient. Jane gave her a smile knowing that it was against Maura's semi-pacifist beliefs to see such displays, but allowing Jane to do so anyway.

"So, what is got you so upset with me?" Maura asked her, bringing her back to point at hand.

"I don't know, Maura. I just don't know. It just doesn't seem fair that ... well, we would get together and you would have to deal with a baby straight away. It isn't something that you signed up for. It isn't just me that I have to worry about now. I have to think about the baby and what I am going to do."

"And, do you think that I wouldn't help you?" Maura questioned.

"It isn't that I think you wouldn't help me, I know that you would. I don't want you to feel like you have to help me. This baby isn't your responsibility. It's mine."

"And, you don't think that I wouldn't volunteer to help you with it?"

"You shouldn't have to worry about it at all, Maura. This is Casey's baby. I am not going to terminate it, but he isn't coming back either. I don't want you to feel like you have to step up because he isn't. That isn't fair to you or to him, in a way. He made his decision and so did I. To be honest, you weren't part of that equation."

"And, now that I am, you think that I would help support you and the child. Or, is it that you don't want me to? Are you afraid to ask me for help, Jane?"

"No...yes...no."

"Which is it, Jane?" Maura inquired.

Jane stared at her for a moment. She was trying to get her thoughts together. She didn't honestly have a real reason that she couldn't ask Maura for help besides the fact that she didn't want to because she didn't like to appear weak. But, Maura had never made her feel weak, no matter the situation. She hung her head.

"What is it, Jane? What has you so flustered? Just tell me."

"I don't know how to do this," Jane finally admitted.

"How to do what?"

"How to be with you," Jane offered.

Maura wanted to gather her in her arms. She knew that might push her over the edge tonight and the definitely wasn't something that she wanted to do. She wanted Jane to want to be with her. She wanted Jane to want her, but now she knew that Jane did return her feelings. It was just that Jane didn't know what to do with them all. She could understand that. She, herself, had never entertained being with a woman completely. She hadn't dismissed the idea, but she had never been truly tempted until Jane. Plus, she knew that you couldn't help who you loved.

"Why? Do I scare you? Or, is it something else?"

"It isn't my faith. I am secure enough in it, Maura. I know that the Church doesn't look on our relationship favorably, but I really don't care about that. I know Ma might have something to say about it, but I am not sure that even bothers me. You should know that I don't care what other people think of me, not really anyway."

"Then what is it, Jane?"

"I don't think that I am good enough for you," Jane whispered.

"I'm sorry. What was that? I didn't quite hear you," Maura replied.

"I am not good enough for you. I don't come from money. I have nothing to offer you. I am cop. I could die any day I am on the job. I am not a safe person to bet on. I mean, come on, Maur. I shot myself to get the bad guy. I've put myself in harms way to get information because I didn't want to wait for a warrant. I almost got us killed. How can I be a good partner for someone when they don't know if I'll make it home every night? I don't want to put that burden on you," Jane explained.

"Whether or not you want to believe that, I already share that burden with your mother and family. You all have taken me in like I was one of your own. As for you having money, it doesn't matter to me. You don't need money to please me, Jane. I thought that you understood that. My money has never bothered you before. Why does it now?" Maura asked her.

"Because I can't give you nice things. My apartment is the size of your living room, Maur. How can I compete with someone who could buy you a car, a really, really nice car? I can't. I have nothing to give you."

"You have plenty to give me. And, honestly, you have the one thing that I want the most, but you are refusing to see. I don't need much, Jane. I really don't. I buy things because I can, not because I have to. I give you nice things because I can, but it frustrates me to no end to figure out what to get you. Money is a blessing and burden for me. Yes, I have a nice house, but I don't have anyone to share it with. Yes, I have a nice car, but I don't necessarily need it. I like it, so I bought it. I wear nice clothes because I can and I like the way I feel, but I like the way you dress. You wear what you are comfortable in and what works for you while you are on a scene. Money isn't really a problem for you, either, Jane. You budget and spend wisely. You're good with your money," Maura told her.

"But, I am not as educated as you are. I am not that smart, Maura. Yeah, I am good at my job, but that doesn't mean, I am smart. You're a genius."

"You are smart, Jane. You listen to your gut when you need to because it is usually right. You know when most people are lying to you and you are a brilliant investigator. Just because you didn't have the same education as I did doesn't mean that you aren't smart. You are just smart in a different way. You have smarts that I don't, in things that I don't understand, because you had a different life than I did. And, that is okay. That doesn't make you any less than me," Maura stated.

"You aren't going to let me win this fight are you?"

"Not on your life," Maura replied with a smile.

"What did I do to deserve you?" Jane asked.

"You kissed me back," Maura said as she leaned forward and kissed her, thoroughly, making sure that Jane would never forget it.


	19. Doctor's Visit

**Doctor's Visit**

Jane was pacing in Maura's kitchen. She had been coming over in the mornings for breakfast, especially after their runs, since they made up. Jane was doing better at allowing Maura to care for her and support her out of work. But, today it would be different. Today she was going to the doctor, and she didn't want to go alone.

Maura stopped in the kitchen doorway and leaned against the jamb watching Jane pace. She smiled at the frantic look in Jane's dark eyes. She could only wonder what had Jane so upset this early in the morning, especially after they run.

"Jane?"

"Hey," Jane replied.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, Ma, already left. Something about Korsak needing her to help him with the menu or inventory. It was something to do with the bar," Jane said.

"Then why were you pacing?"

Jane looked at her. She was unsure what to say or do. She needed to ask her if she would go with her to the doctor, but she didn't know if that was going to far so early in the relationship. She turned, still unable to ask Maura something so simple.

" Jane, just ask me," Maura demanded.

Jane sighed. Turning back around, she looked into Maura's vibrant hazel eyes. Finally seeing the support that she needed, she broke down and asked.

" I have an OB appointment today and I don't want to go alone," Jane stated.

"Yes, Jane, I'll go with you. All you had to do was ask. I told you that I will support you and the baby. Besides, this is just a check up. I'm sure that everything is fine. You've been watching your coffee intake and eating better. Why are you scared?" Maura questioned.

"I don't know. I think because this makes it more real, you know? I know I'm pregnant, but this will give me pictures and stuff. I won't be able to wake up and think it's all a dream."

"Oh, Jane..."

"I don't know how to be a mom."

She crossed the room because she couldn't take the look in Jane's eyes. Maura reached out for her. This time Jane actually moved towards her. She held Jane for a few minutes until Jane felt herself calming down. She pulled away and looked into Maura's eyes, grounding herself.

"Maura, I'm going to screw this up. I know I am. How am I going to handle being a mother?" Jane asked her.

"The same way that you do everything else, Jane," Maura answered.

"Which is?"

"You'll go after it until you get the answers you want and the outcome you want. Plus, you already know that you have an excellent support system surrounding you. We aren't going to let you fail. You'll be fine. The baby will be fine. Everything will be okay," Maura told her.

"You're sure?" Jane questioned.

"Yes," Maura replied.

"Thank you."

"When is your appointment today?" Maura inquired.

"At eleven," Jane answered.

"Okay, good. I'll work on a few things from here until we need to go. You need to go sit down and calm down. Everything will be fine later, you'll see."

Jane just nodded at her. She moved out of the kitchen and into the living room. She sat down on the couch and spread out. She knew that Maura was right. She needed to try and calm down. She knew that stress wasn't good for the baby. She leaned back into the couch and relaxed. Her head resting on the back on the couch, she just sprawled out because she knew that Maura would either be on her laptop at the kitchen bar or the dining room table.

Just as she was starting to get comfortable and possibly got to sleep, she heard it. The thunder roared bringing her out of her revere. Her head popped up and she looked out Maura's front picture window. Seconds after the thunder and the lightening, the rain started.

"Of course, because I can't ever just get a simple day off," Jane muttered.

Maura giggled a little at Jane's comment. She looked up to see what Jane was upset about and then she noticed the rain. She shook her head and went back to work on her laptop. Her smile hidden from Jane's views, she glanced at the clock in the corner of the laptop. She realized that it was almost ten fifteen. Her need to be on time or early kicked in, just as she realized that it was Wednesday. She laughed. It was an inside joke between she and Jane about rainy Wednesdays. Her giggle this time prevailed and Jane heard her.

"What?"

"Nothing, Jane. I think that we should be going now, especially with the weather. Do you want something to drink? I can put it in a travel mug for you," Maura told her.

"I guess just some water," Jane replied as she stood up and joined Maura back in the kitchen.

She couldn't believe that she had zoned out that long. It felt good. She had to admit that to herself, but it also worried her. She wondered if she was starting to get "pregnancy brain."

"Come on, Jane. I'll drive. And, everything will be fine," Maura told her handing her a stainless steel tumbler travel mug.

Jane sat back on the medical bed and got as comfortable as she could. She was trying not to sigh as they waited for the Sonogram Tech to come in. This would be her second sonogram, but she talked herself out of believing the first was real. Now, she wouldn't be able to do that because there was someone else with her. It was another reason that she wanted Maura there with her.

The tech came in and smiled at them. She immediately started preparing her gear. Maura just watched her for a few seconds. Then she realized that Jane was upset or nervous. She couldn't tell which, but it didn't matter to her. She reached over and took Jane's hand, knowing that Jane wouldn't ask for the support. She was willing to give it to her silently.

When the tech turned around to face them, she saw Maura holding Jane's hand. Her smile broadened. She spun around and grabbed Jane's chart before turning back around to talk to Jane.

"Ok, ladies, we ready to see the little one?" the tech asked them.

Maura smiled and nodded excitedly. Jane smiled, but she didn't look as happy as Maura did. If the tech noticed, she was good enough not to mention it.

"Alright, well, here we go," the tech said as she grabbed the gel. "This is going to be a little cold."

She squeezed some of the transduction gel on Jane's stomach. Jane did her best not to squeal at the temperature difference. She squeezed Maura's hand tighter, but didn't make a sound. The tech lifted the transducer off the cart and began moving it around on Jane's stomach as she looked for the wee one inside.

The fast heartbeat was suddenly coming through the speakers. Jane turned to look at the monitor. Her eyes were big as she looked at the pictures of the baby inside her. She turned for a second to Maura. She didn't even try to hide the tears in her eyes.

"The heartbeat sounds perfect. Now, let's see if we can get some good measurements for the doctor. And, if we're lucky, since you are just far enough along, we might be able to find out what you're having. That is if you want to know," the tech stated.

Jane turned back to the monitor and then looked up at Maura. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know or if she wanted it to be a surprise. Maura reached over and wiped some of the tears from Jane's face. She leaned closer and kissed her just by her ear.

"Do you want to know, Jane?" Maura asked her as she was still close.

"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. I guess, it would be a good thing, right? I mean, then I would know what sex to prepare for. But, then again..."

"Whatever you want, Jane, whatever you want," Maura told her, still holding her hand, and rubbing her thumb over the back of Jane's hand to let her know that she meant every word that she was saying.

"I think..."

"Go with your gut, Janie," Maura stated.

Jane turned and looked into her eyes. The beautiful hazel orbs were dancing with joy and Jane knew that it was for her. She felt herself smile for the first time with meaning about her pregnancy. She realized that she was happy.

"I think I want to wait for now. I mean, I can always find out later, right? I don't have to make this my final decision on this, right?" Jane asked the tech.

"When you come in for your next scan, we can look then, if you want to wait," the tech answered.

"I want to wait for now. I want to think about it more. I have so much planning that I need to do, with my job, my family and such. I just think I need more time."

"Okay, Miss Rizzoli, that's no problem. I'll put it in your chart along with the scans for today. The doctor won't mention anything about the sex until you are ready. So let's see if I can get the little one to cooperate so we can get some more scans for you. I am assuming that you want some of the scans to take home?" the tech inquired.

"Yes," Maura stated before Jane could.

"Yeah, sure."

The tech finished taking the scans that she needed for the check up. She printed two copies; one went into her chart and she handed the other to Maura. She then grabbed some Kleenex for Jane to use to clean off the transducer's gel.

"Well, to let you know, Miss Rizzoli, everything looks good. Your little one is developing wonderfully and on time. They are healthy. I'll let our scheduler set up your next appointment and scan," the tech told her as she grabbed Jane's chart and left the room to let her finish cleaning up.

Jane started swiping at her stomach to clean up the gel. Maura watched her and grabbed some more tissues off of the sonogram cart before starting to help her. She thought that Jane was beautiful in that moment. She smiled.

While Jane was getting her clothes back in order, Maura stepped out to let them know that they were ready for the doctor. She stepped back into the room and saw that Jane was holding the scans in her hands. She was smiling at the small being growing inside her. Maura's heart swelled. Jane was even more beautiful as tears started to form in her eyes. Maura immediately crossed the room and gave her a solid kiss. She didn't want Jane to believe that she was alone.

"Are you sure that you want to do this, Maura?"

"With you?" Maura questioned in reply.

"Yes," Jane answered.

"Absolutely, Jane. Right now, I can't think of anyone else that I would want to have a family with. You're beautiful. Your child is going to beautiful and smart. And, I am going to make sure that they will want for nothing, and before you protest that, it is because I can. I am not flaunting my money, Jane. Your child will honestly want for nothing."

The tears spilled over. She couldn't believe that Maura was so loving. She couldn't believe that Maura was so perfect. She was stepping up where Casey hadn't and showing her that she was worthy of the love she desired. Now, Jane was even more worried that she wasn't worthy of Maura.

"You are worthy, Jane. You are going to be a wonderful mother. We are going to be happy. Don't worry about the details. We can deal with all that later. Right now, let's focus on dealing with the doctor. I promise that we can talk more about this later."

And, just as Jane was about to reply, the doctor knocked on the exam room door and came in. Maura smiled at her like she had the tech. She didn't personally know the doctor but she looked like she was warm and personable.

"Hello again, Jane. How are you doing today? Any issues?" the doctor asked her.

"Nothing really. Starting to get a few cravings, but the morning sickness seems to be abating some, thankfully. I am just wondering when I am going to start showing."

"That's good to hear, but if it comes back let me know. I can get you something to get through it better. And, don't forget your vitamins. As for showing, any day now. You are starting into your second trimester. You will start to get bigger."

"Are there any restrictions that she should be aware of?" Maura asked the doctor.

"She just needs to be careful at work. I know that you aren't on patrol, but if you do go into the field, just be mindful of your body and your limitations. Don't push yourself and don't put yourself in harms way unnecessarily. Also, I would like if you would try not to shoot yourself in the gut. Other than that, just keep doing what you normally do until your body tells you can't," the doctor told them.

"I'll try not to shoot myself again. It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience for me the last time. But, I will be more mindful in the field. Besides my brother and my sergeant would cover me in Kevlar and bubble wrap if they could. I'll be fine," Jane replied.

"Then, I plan on seeing...the both of you?...in a few weeks. Have a great day, ladies. And, be careful out there in this storm. It just doesn't look like it is going to let up anytime soon," the doctor stated as she left the exam room just before them.

"Will you take me home, Maura?"

"Yes, Jane, I will."

"I'm tired," Jane said.

"I only have one question, though."

"What's that?" Jane asked.

"Your place or mine?"


	20. Mourning After

**Mourning After**

She was sitting on Maura's couch. She was trying not to think about the days before, but it was hard. She was trying to get better, but she was still dealing with the loss and not being able to work. She felt lost and alone. She knew that Maura was there to help her. Her mother was just a call away, but she wasn't helping Jane with her overbearing nature.

She didn't want to be alone, but she really didn't want to be with anyone. She felt lost. She felt like she had failed on so many levels and she didn't know how she was supposed to feel. Was she supposed to mourn for a child that she never really knew? She didn't want to still be on the couch. She wanted to be at work. At least there, she could pretend that it was another normal day at the office. But even the back of her head, she knew that wasn't true.

Korsak wouldn't take her calls. He was trying to give her time. Frankie took her calls, but was wondering how she had any information about the case that they were working on since no one had told her about it. But, like a good detective and a good brother, he wasn't going to look that gift horse in the mouth. He would use Jane's advice and hope that it would lead them to the killer sooner than later. He also knew how tenacious his sister was. He knew that she'd be back as soon as she felt ready, doctor's note or not.

She knew that it had been wrong to look at the case file and take some of the notes, but she was bored. She needed something to keep her mind moving. The more she sat on the couch and thought about what she'd lost, the more her heart hurt. And, thankfully, Maura didn't seem too upset with her when she'd called later after talking to Frankie. Maura of course had figured out that Jane had peaked at the file.

The case was now over and Jane was still on the couch. She was staring at the window in the living, over-looking the front lawn. The sun was shining but there was a small shower. It just seemed like a strange thing to her that it was raining and the sun was still shining. She knew it could happen, but between her faith and her brutal honesty about peopled, Jane wasn't sure what it meant to her. It was like the weather was reflecting her mood. She didn't know what to do.

Maura came in earlier than expected and saw her sitting there. She didn't know what to say to Jane to make her feel better. She didn't know what to do for her. She wanted to hold her, but she was afraid that Jane would just push her away. She wanted to tell her to scream and yell, but Jane seemed content to just let it go.

Maura wanted her to grieve for the loss of life, like she had. She wanted Jane to have some of reaction. She needed Jane to admit that she was human and not Superwoman. She needed to see Jane cry. Then she would know that Jane was healthily moving on from this tragedy.

"Jane?" she questioned quietly as she moved out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"Hey, Maura," Jane replied in greeting.

Jane pulled up her feet on the couch and allowed Maura to join her. There were no words exchanged between them. And, Maura knew that the only reason that Jane was there was because of Angela's insistence. If Jane could have, she'd have driven herself home and been hold up there. As it was, she stayed and Maura wasn't sure who she was staying for: herself or Maura. She just hoped that Jane actually wanted to be there. She wanted the comfort of Maura's house and her company in order to help her mourn.

"How was your day?" Maura asked breaking their silence.

"Boring. Soaps are so unrealistic and I really don't care who is sleeping with who or whatever. I'd rather be at the precinct. I could be behind my desk, helping solve cases. Yeah, it would suck not to be out in the field helping to gather leads and such, but I could help."

"Jane, the doctor wanted you to be on bed rest for a few days. Your body needs times to heal. Sitting at your desk and worrying over cases would just cause your body more stress and it would take longer for you to get back to normal," Maura informed her.

"Normal, ha, what's that?" Jane asked as she turned to look into Maura's hazel eyes. "My life has never been normal, Maur. I am one of the youngest detectives in Boston PD history and I am a woman. I shot myself in the stomach in order to stop a fellow cop turned cop killer because I didn't see any other way out. We've almost died in a river. What part of normal is that?"

"You know what I mean, Jane. You back at work being your normal snarky self and solving cases using your gut, while I try to remind you that science is not ruled by my gut but by fact. You'll be back soon enough and you'll go back at it like you hadn't even left. For now though, you need to rest and let your body deal with the trauma that you went through. There is no shame in that," Maura told her.

"No shame…ha…funny, I am not sure that is even on the spectrum of emotions that I have been dealing with. You would think that it would be, but it hasn't been. But, then again, I don't know how to feel about this. I don't know how I should feel. My emotions make no sense and I don't know how to process this, Maura. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I am supposed to say when someone comes by and tells me that they are sorry. I am not going to know what to do with all the flowers that people have inevitably sent to my condo. I just can't."

"Then don't."

"What am I supposed to do then?" Jane asked her as her dark eyes started to glaze over with tears.

"Do whatever you want, Jane. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. It is your body and your loss. If you want me to go clear away the flowers, I will."

"I just…I talked to Mom in the hospital. She told me that she miscarried before. I never knew. She never told Dad. She dealt with it on her own. She was sad and angry, but she pushed through it and they had kids. She was happy for each of us, but I am sure that she still grieves for the child that never was. I don't know what to do with that. I don't know what I am supposed to do with that information. How am I supposed to move on, Maura? I am the reason that I lost my child. Am I supposed to feel guilty? Shouldn't I feel sad and angry? Shouldn't I being crying my eyes out over this? Why aren't I crying about it?" Jane inquired as Maura could see the emotions building up in Jane's eyes.

"Because you were still unsure how you honestly felt about having the child. And there is nothing wrong that. I think that you were just beginning to believe that you were really pregnant. I think you were still trying to prepare yourself for the new life that you were carrying. I don't think that it all sunk in completely when you went into that building to save your witness. You did your job. You save one life and possibly others, but you lost another. It is hard to not mourn, but I think that you believe that you should be punished for putting yourself in that position. No one is going to punish you, Jane. You didn't do anything wrong. That criminal is being charged with the death of your baby appropriately. I talked to the DA about it. There is no reason that you should be punishing yourself. You didn't cause their death, he did," Maura said.

"I know all of that logically but that doesn't make it any easier for me. I was the one in that building when he swung that metal pipe into my stomach. I was the one that gave my vest to her to save her. I gave up my protection to save her and it cost my baby its life. How is that not my fault?" Jane questioned and turned away Maura because she didn't want to see the emotion in her eyes.

"Because you were still unsure how you honestly felt about having the child. And there is nothing wrong that. I think that you were just beginning to believe that you were really pregnant. I think you were still trying to prepare yourself for the new life that you were carrying. I don't think that it all sunk in completely when you went into that building to save your witness. You did your job. You save one life and possibly others, but you lost another. It is hard to not mourn, but I think that you believe that you should be punished for putting yourself in that position. No one is going to punish you, Jane. You didn't do anything wrong. That criminal is being charged with the death of your baby appropriately. I talked to the DA about it. There is no reason that you should be punishing yourself. You didn't cause their death, he did," Maura said.

"I know all of that logically but that doesn't make it any easier for me. I was the one in that building when he swung that metal pipe into my stomach. I was the one that gave my vest to her to save her. I gave up my protection to save her and it cost my baby its life. How is that not my fault?" Jane questioned and turned away Maura because she didn't want to see the emotion in her eyes.

"Jane," Maura started as she reached out to touch her. She tried again, "Jane." Reaching out until her fingertips brushed against Jane's leg. She didn't give up. "Jane?"

"No, Maura, don't tell me that I'll be okay. I don't want placation. I want to be able to believe that it isn't really my fault," Jane told her.

"And, I already told you that it wasn't your fault, Jane. There was no way that you could have planned for him to beat you in the torso with that pipe. You did what you were trained to do. You protected the witness while trying to get custody of the assailant. It is his fault and not yours. I know it doesn't feel that way for you, but that is the truth," Maura stated.

"Is it?"

"Yes," Maura replied.

"How can you be so sure, Maura?"

"Because, I saw the bruising on your torso. I read the doctor's reports. I read the eye witness reports. You're injuries are consistent with the findings on the report and nothing else."

"But, that's not true," Jane shouted.

"Tell me why," Maura demanded of her wanting to get to the bottom of Jane's anguish.

"Because I was still unsure if I wanted the baby, Maura. It's my fault. I didn't want to be alone and have a baby. I know that you said that you would take care of me, but that isn't what I wanted from you. I didn't want you to feel obligated. And to be honest, in the heat of the moment, I wasn't thinking about the baby or my safety. I was thinking about hers."

"I know that, Jane. You are the most selfless person I know. You would sacrifice everything if you thought that it would save someone or the city. I've seen you do it. And, that is why I told you that I would be there for you and the baby. I wasn't trying to pressure you into having it. I was simply trying to let you know that you wouldn't be alone in caring for it. I know that you weren't that far along, but I knew that you were stressing about the fact that you were pregnant."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because it wasn't my place to say anything, Jane. I love you. I will support you no matter what decision you make. I just thought that after we went to the doctor and you saw the baby for the first time that you would agree to let me be in your life and its life as well. I knew that you were still struggling. I could see it in your eyes," Maura told her.

"I don't deserve you."

"You do. This changes nothing. I still love you. And, one day, maybe when we plan it a little better, we can have children of our own. Or, we can adopt. I know that you've thought about it. Don't worry about it right now, Janie. I'm proud of you," Maura stated as she finally got close enough to Jane on the couch to gather her up into an embrace.

"Don't leave me."

"I am not going anywhere, Jane. I promised you that I would be here for you and I am not leaving. I love you. We can get through this, together," Maura said.

"Maura?"

"Yes, Jane?"

"Did you love the baby like it was your own?"

"Yes, Jane, I did. I did love her. I know that she would have been a beautiful girl that was smart and strong. She would have been a fierce woman. She would have changed the world just like her mother. She would have been perfect and I would have loved to be her other mother, if you had allowed me to be," Maura stated matter-of-factly.

Jane couldn't hold it in anymore. She started to sob because she knew that Maura meant every one of her words. She would have loved the baby. She would have been a great mother to it.

"Wait…her? It was a girl? She would have been our daughter?" Jane asked through the tears.

"Yes, Janie, she would have been our daughter. She would have been very loved and would have wanted for nothing. She would have had dark hair and eyes just like her beautiful mother and she would have been a heartbreaker when she got older."

"And, what would we have named her?" Jane asked holding on to Maura as tight as she could.

"I don't know. I think we should honor your mother somehow, though. It would be nice to have Angela somewhere in her name," Maura answered.

"I think I would have named her Faith," Jane said quietly.

"Not Clementine?"

"Hell no. I agree that I would have named her after Ma though. Faith Angela Rizzoli…"

"It's beautiful, Jane. And, maybe one day, you will have your Faith again," Maura told her as she held her, rocked her quietly and just hoped that she could give her enough love to get through this pain. "I love you, Jane."

"I love you, too, Maura…" she whimpered back.


	21. Confessions of the Heart

**Confessions of the Heart  
**

Jane was sitting on her couch with a Blue Moon beer in her hand. She couldn't help but smile. She was upset that Korsak and Maura went behind her to start the Barry Frost Scholarship Fund, but she knew it was a way that Maura could help Tasha. It was unobtrusive and anonymous. It was a loophole that Jane wouldn't have thought of to help Tasha with her schooling, but she couldn't help but approve of it. She knew that the teenager deserved it after everything that she'd been through, and she was smart.

She laughed at the thought of Korsak and Maura planning the scholarship fund together. She would have paid to have been a fly on the wall as they worked together, both trying to keep it from Jane and actually succeeding. She giggled as she realized that Maura hadn't broken out in hives when they told Tasha about the scholarship, because Korsak was the one that nominated her for it. Jane could only wonder what plans Maura had to continue the scholarship fund and what requirements she would ask for the recipient to have.

She took another swig of her beer, glad that it wasn't her problem to weed through prospective awardees. She would leave that to Maura and Korsak. But, she would be a good sport and go to any fundraisers that they had in order to support the cause and Frost's new legacy. She'd even wear her Blues or a fancy dress and not complain about it. It was the least that she could do for him...now. She would help them keep his memory alive.

It was starting to get warm and Jane was excited about the prospects of summer. She was actually going to take a vacation. It was only because Maura was demanding it and she gave in. Maura kept telling her that she needed a break and the longer the honey blonde talked to her, the more her mother pushed and Jane finally realized that it had been a stressful year...years for her. A break could be a good thing. The added bonus was that Maura was going with her. Well, Maura was planning the trip and Jane didn't have to worry about anything. That was the only point that was stressing Jane, but she knew that Maura was doing this for her. Maura kept telling her it was a gift and not to worry, but Jane was, slightly, because of the amount of money and she didn't know where they were going yet.

She finished her beer and went back into the kitchen to get another one, when she heard her door open. Her hand immediately went to her side only to remember that she didn't have her side arm on her. She grabbed a knife out the butcher block and dropped behind her cupboards. She wasn't going to let herself be an easy target, and she had no idea who would be coming over without calling first.

"Jane?" Maura asked as she closed the door behind herself, locked the deadbolt and set the chain.

Jane felt like an idiot crouching down behind the cabinets, but she wasn't about to stand up yet. She tried to calm her heart and her breathing. She wasn't sure why she was so on edge, but she was. She knew that she shouldn't be hiding behind the cabinets when it was just Maura, but she couldn't shake her weariness.

"Jane?" Maura called out again.

Finally, she knew that she had to do something. She stood up and opened the fridge. She grabbed another beer as she saw Maura coming back into the living room.

"Hey, Maur, whatcha doing here?" Jane asked as she tried to hide her irrational fear.

Maura gave her a look, but didn't comment on the situation. She just smiled at Jane and made her way towards the kitchen. She sat down on a stool by the countertop and looked at Jane.

"Where were you? I've been here for five minutes. I didn't see you," Maura told her.

"I was in the kitchen."

"You didn't answer me," Maura replied with some worry in her voice.

"Sorry, I must have not heard you."

"Are you feeling well?"

"Fine, Maur. I'm fine. What brings you here?" Jane asked her as she pulled out a wine glass and a bottle.

"A little early in the day, isn't it?" Maura questioned as Jane prepared to pour her a glass of red wine.

"It could be, I guess. I am just enjoying my day off. I have nowhere to be and nothing to really do."

"You could clean up or do laundry," Maura suggested.

"I did my laundry last night. I am good for a week, Maur. As for cleaning, I'll do it later. It isn't that bad right now. It's been worse."

"I know. I remember. I think I helped your mother clean up while you were in bed that last time."

Jane gave her a look, but didn't say anything. Maura just waited for her to say something, but she could see the look that Jane was giving her. It was saying enough. She couldn't help herself sometimes with Jane. It was too easy, but she loved her. She knew that Jane wasn't the cleanest but she did try. And it wasn't something that honestly bothered her. It was just part of Jane being Jane. But, she could tell that there was something underneath it all today. She just wanted Jane to tell her so that she could help her get through it.

"Can we leave Ma out of this?" Jane finally replied in question.

"Yes."

"Did you tell her about the trip?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"She would ask too many questions and she would tell you. We both know that your mother can't keep a secret when it comes to her children and as much as I am thankful that she feels that I am like a daughter to her, I am not sure how she would react to me taking you away on a getaway if she knew the extent of our newly formed relationship. I figured that you would rather tell her. Was I wrong?"

"No, Maura, you weren't. I appreciate it. I am sure that she knows that something is going on, but for her credit she hasn't said anything. I think she is actually waiting for us to tell her for once. Which is amazing in itself, but I wonder how long she'll keep quiet," Jane mused.

Maura watched her. She could see the thoughts crossing behind Jane's eyes. She smiled at her lover, the detective and hoped that she would just voice whatever her concerns were.

"Jane?"

"Yes, Maur?"

"Are you happy with me?"

"Wha-? What? Where did that come from?" Jane inquired trying to read Maura's expressive hazel eyes.

Jane abandoned the wine and her new beer. She came around the cabinets of the bartop and stopped in front of Maura. She quirked her brow and cocked an eyebrow as looked deeply into Maura's eyes trying to figure out where the question came from. She, then, scrunched up her face in disbelief and sadness.

"Have I done something wrong?" Jane questioned.

The vulnerability in her eyes showing with the question. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do. She knew that they were still in the infancy of their relationship. They hadn't really talked about it, but they really hadn't had time with all the cases, Jane losing the baby, and helping Tasha. They hadn't really explored anything but each other. They didn't seem to need to, or least Jane thought that they didn't. But, now, she could see that she was wrong.

"No, Maur, you've done nothing wrong."

"Then why?"

"Why what?"

"Why haven't you talked to Angela about us? About me? Are you ashamed of me?"

Jane heard the break in Maura's voice. It hurt her heart to hear that in her voice. She knew then that she needed to reassure Maura and quickly.

"No, Maura, I am not ashamed of you. Far from it. I haven't talk to Ma really about it because she likes to mettle. I want something to be my own for a while. I just want to enjoy you, us, our time together without any familial interference. If anyone should be ashamed of anyone, it should be you of me. I have nothing of value to offer you. I'm a broken woman, Maur. I am not worthy of you. I never have been and I never will be. You just don't see that," Jane stated.

"You just don't understand, do you, Jane?"

"Understand what?"

"I love you and that is all that matters."

Jane looked at her perplexed. Leave it to Jane to have a problem with Maura's emotional reason, even though she was the one that was constantly pushing Maura to be more emotional in her life. Maura would have laughed had she not known that Jane was curious as to what Maura actually meant by her phrase in a more scientific capacity.

"You have some data that proves this?" Jane inquired, her own anxiety about the situation and the discussion reflected in her voice.

"Yes," Maura answered.

"Like?"

Maura smiled at her. She stood up and got closer to Jane. She needed for Jane to understand her. She knew that Jane was one of the few who did. So when Jane asked for more, she was always ready and willing to give it to her.

"Besides your beauty?"

"Yes," Jane replied quickly with denial in her voice.

"You are extremely smart. You trust your 'gut' when you think that something doesn't seem right, even if you don't have proof. But, then you look for the proof. You are an exceptionally gifted detective that is loved and cared for by all of your partners. You are strong and determined and no matter how much that gets you in trouble, you always manage to find a way out of trouble."

Jane laughed. She did have a knack for getting into situations, but somehow she always got out of them. It wasn't always unscathed, but she had a tremendous ability to survive everything that the job threw at her and come out stronger each time.

"You stared death in the face and laughed at it. You sacrifice yourself for the greater good and aren't ashamed to do it. You have faith in a system that is horribly flawed and sometimes not on your side, but you still fight for truth and justice. You don't give up, ever, no matter how high the odds are stacked against you."

"But, I..."

"But, you are still a woman. You are still emotional. You still have feelings and you still need to break down. And, for some reason, you've chosen me to be the one that you break down with. It doesn't matter if crying after losing a baby or trying to laugh off an injury that you've sustained in the line of duty. You've put your faith in me. No one has ever done that for me. No one has ever trusted me with something so important like that. I feel overwhelmed and in awe that I am the one that can give that to you. And, now on top of all that, you've let me hold your heart in my hands. You've shown me the depth of your feelings for me and still you tried to sacrifice your happiness for me. You put me before yourself and you tell me that you aren't worthy of me. Well, Jane Clementine Rizzoli, it is I who am not worthy of such a beautiful gift as your heart.

"I've never had a friendship like yours. I've never been really close to anyone. I've never had many friends, but you've gone out of your way to include me in things and made befriend the other detectives in homicide. You've taught me things about myself that I didn't know about myself. You've given me so much and all I can give you is my heart," Maura answered.

"How do I argue with that?" Jane questioned.

"You don't."

"I don't have money."

"I have plenty for the both of us."

"I not book smart like you," Jane stated.

"You are street smart and people smart."

"I am stubborn and hardheaded."

"But self-sacrificing and humble," Maura added.

"I only have my heart to give you."

"And, that is all I want."

"Then, take it."

"Only if you'll take mine and protect it with your love, Jane."

"Always," Jane replied as she leaned in to Maura and gave her a kiss.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Come home with me. I want to do something for you. I think that you will enjoy it."

"Maur, dear, we could do that here. I have a bed, you know? We don't have to go to your place just have sex," Jane replied.

"I didn't say anything about having sex, Jane. I intend to love you, but I want to prove to you how much you give me. But, I can only do that if you trust me. Will you let me prove it to you?"

"Yes..."


	22. Trust in Me

**Trust In Me  
**

_"...But, I can only do that if you trust me. Will you let me prove it to you?"_

_"Yes..."_

It was the last thing that Maura said that stayed with Jane the entire ride back to Maura's house in Beacon Hill. Maura wanted to prove how much she loved Jane but Jane would have to trust her. Her mind ran through thousands of scenarios but she couldn't come up with one that made sense. Maura was eccentric and exotic some days and others she was completely scientific, but with Jane there was a normalcy that neither of them could explain. Jane brought out a side to Maura that many people didn't get to see and vice versa.

Since they had been working together, Korsak had noticed that the closer they had become the more outgoing that Maura seemed and the friendlier Jane had become. Jane who was used to reading people approached cases differently but with the same tenacity and vigor as always. Maura tended to be a little more "social" with her interactions with those in the office and the families of the people that she autopsied. She seemed more human and less robotic, there was more emotion in her actions and she allowed herself to be more open with the rest of the CSI staff in her office. Jane noted the changes, but she didn't think it was because of her friendship with the good doctor. She figured it was just because someone had finally shown an interest in Maura past her money and brain. Jane was kinder and softer. It was subtle but it was enough for Frankie and Korsak to see it. Some said that it was Frost died, but others knew that it was because of Maura. Frost's death contributed to rounding off her edges, but Jane knew that if Maura hadn't been by her side the last year, she'd've quit.

"I'm losing my touch," she mused barely above a whisper.

"What?" Maura asked as they pulled into her drive.

"Nothing," Jane replied as she shook her hide.

It wasn't that she wanted to hide from Maura. She knew that she couldn't. Maura could always see through her fronts and masks. She could see into the heart of Jane. She saw the parts that were hiding away in the darkness and she brought them to light. She helped Jane be fragile, vulnerable, and weaker when she needed to be. There was a dependence in the Maura that she couldn't explain. Maybe it was because she knew that Maura wouldn't intentionally hurt her or the fact that Maura didn't believe in violence unless it was a must. Jane just didn't know. But, she knew that Maura would keep her safe when she needed to breakdown. She helped to keep the demons at bay and there was an inherent need to be near Maura some days.

"Sit on the couch and get comfortable," Maura commanded as she left Jane to living room and moved into her kitchen.

She knew pushing Jane into what she wanted to do would take finesse and charm, both of which she had in abundance when it came to Jane. She didn't want to scare her though. She wanted to give her an outlet that she'd never previously chose to except. Sure, she trusted Maura to protect her weaker side and keep it from public view, but she knew that Jane needed a deeper outlet. She kept things bottled for too long and then broke down, had nightmares, and became unbearable. She needed to provide Jane with an alternate solution. She just didn't know how Jane would react to her theory. She hoped that it would be positive, but she wasn't sure.

She rummaged around in the kitchen for a few minutes before she came back with two glasses of red wine and the bottle. It was an expensive bottle, but she decided that she should use it for the cause. They were going to celebrate, pass or fail, the test. She uncorked the bottle and allowed it to breathe as she gathered everything in her hands and walked back into the living room.

She found Jane sat on the couch, head lolled back and feet on the floor shoulder width apart. She looked almost at peace, but Maura knew better. She sat the glasses and the bottle of wine down on the coffee table. Jane didn't move. If Maura didn't know any better, she would have assumed that she was asleep.

"Jane?" she asked, only to have Jane roll her head off of the back of the couch and meet her worried hazel eyes with soul-piercing dark brown.

The sight of Jane like that was enough to take Maura's breath away, but she knew that she couldn't be lost in Jane right now. She had to help Jane find her grounding again. This would be a test like the first time that Maura made love to her. The thoughts of that night brought a small smirk to her lips, but she quickly turned it into a full-blown smile when she saw the question in Jane's eyes. She leaned down and gave her a kiss. It was promise, unspoken, that Jane would be alright. No matter what else came tonight, Jane would survive it and probably be better for it in the morning.

"Jane," she said as she gained control of her thoughts.

"Yeah, Maur?"

"I want you to sip this wine slowly and not guzzle it. I am going to get something from my room and then I want to try something. If when I get back, you don't want to. I'll stop, but I want to prove to you how much you can trust me. Will you promise me that you'll at least try?" Maura asked her.

"Yes," Jane said as she took the offered glass of wine and took a tentative sip.

"I'll be back shortly. Do not finish that glass before I return. I shouldn't be gone long, but I want you to try to relax. Just sit there, sip the wine and relax."

"I'll try," Jane replied as she took another sip and let her head fall back onto the back of the couch.

Maura watched her for a second. She saw her close her eyes and try to breathe deeply. She knew that Jane was trying to relax and that is what she wanted. She looked down at Jane's left hand to see the wine glass being carefully handled but secured against the couch cushion. She smiled because Jane was trying. She was listening and trying. Maybe this would be easier than she thought.

She slowly made her way upstairs and into her room. She walked into her closet. She removed her Malono Blahnik heels and put them up. She removed the silk shirt and pencil skirt she'd been wearing, putting them in the appropriate laundry hamper. She picked up her blazer and hung it up back on the hanger. She sighed as she looked around her closet. She knew what she needed to do, but she wasn't sure that Jane would go for it. She shook her head as she removed her hose. Then she took off her bra. She rummaged through her delicate's drawer until she found a matching pair of silk and lace hunter green bra and panty set. She put them on. She exited the closet and headed to the bathroom to grab one of her silk kimonos off the back of the bathroom door. She decided on the short, but matching, hunter green one. She put it on and then loosely tied it around her middle. She went back to the closet and grabbed one her green Hermes scarves because she knew that Jane liked the color on her. Too bad, Jane would be the one wearing tonight. Now, comfortable and prepared to help Jane, she made her way back in hopes that Jane would let her help her relax and maybe there would be a "lovely" reward after.

She slowly came down the stairs. She made sure to go as quietly as she could because she didn't want to disturb Jane. What she found when she made her way into the living room was an almost asleep Jane on the couch, head lolled back, and wine glass on a coaster on the coffee table. She smiled at the Italian woman. This might be simpler than she originally thought.

"Jane," she stated as she made her way into the living room.

"Hmm?"

"I want you to stay relaxed, but will you move to a chair in the dining room?"

"Sure, Maur," Jane told her as she gathered the wine glasses and the bottle of red wine.

She sat down at the table with the chair pulled back. The glasses were within reaching distance, but she didn't make to grab hers. Maura could see that she hadn't finished the glass, almost, but there was still a little left. She walked up behind her and placed her hands on Jane's shoulders.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Close your eyes," Maura commanded.

"Maura..." Jane started to say as she tried to turn around, but Maura held her in place.

"Jane, please. Trust me to care for you. Trust me when I say that you need this. I am going to take care of you tonight. I promise that nothing will happen that you won't like. Please, trust me. Just close your eyes and let me do this," Maura pleaded.

"Okay, Maura," Jane replied as she stopped fighting Maura's hands.

Jane turned her head back away from Maura and let her body relax somewhat. She knew that Maura could feel her shoulders and the tenseness there, but she was trying. She could smell the subtle perfume that Maura used and it grounded her into the moment.

"I'm going to cover your eyes, Jane. But, I promise that I will not be more than an arm's length from you without telling you. Just close your eyes and breathe. You're safe, warm and protected," Maura told her.

"O...Okay."

She knew that Jane would be nervous, but she needed her to allow herself to surrender to Maura if they were going to get through this. She needed Jane to let go of her control and just be for once. She knew it would be hard, but so far, Jane wasn't fighting her. She quickly tied the scarf around Jane's head making sure to cover her eyes only.

"Alright, Jane, can you see anything?"

"No."

"Do you still trust me?"

"Yes."

"Will you let me care for you?"

"Yes," Jane replied and felt her body sink into the chair as it relaxed.

"Can you turn your chair to the left, but leave it next to the table? I want you facing me for this next part. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes," Jane said as she moved just enough to shift the chair into position.

Maura smiled. She took another chair and sat in front of Jane. She moved the wine glasses closer to herself and finally allowed herself a drink. She watched Jane for a few moments.

"Jane?"

"Ya, Maur?"

"I want you to listen to my voice. I only want you to answer when I direct a question to you. Do not voice any opinions or thoughts. Just let your mind wander and know that I am here with you."

"Okay," Jane replied.

"If at any time, the sensations become too overwhelming I want you to tell me."

"Like a safe word?" Jane asked.

"Yes, just like that. I want you to see that you don't need to be in control all the time. And, this is the only way that I can do that."

"But, what about Ma?"

"She's gone away for two weeks. I gave her an early birthday present. Unless someone dies, we will have the house to ourselves for the next few days. Besides, I've already called Korsak and made sure that you have these days off."

"But, Maura..."

"No, Jane, you need it. And, no more talking, remember? I'm going to take care of everything for you. I want you to surrender yourself to my care. Will you?" Maura questioned.

"I don't know that I can," Jane said truthfully.

"Try for me," Maura stated.

"Okay."

Maura moved closer. She took Jane's glass of wine and held it up. She knew that more alcohol would make Jane more pliant, but she didn't want her drunk. If she was pleasantly buzzed, she would still do as Maura asked. She moved closer to Jane and touched her shoulder to let her know where she was.

"Are you thirsty?"

"A little."

"Would you like some more wine?" Maura asked.

"Yes."

"Open your mouth," Maura commanded her.

Jane opened her mouth slightly. She could feel the warmth flowing off of Maura, but she couldn't make herself reach out to touch her. She wasn't sure that she was allowed to or not. She didn't want to push things. She was willing to try for Maura because she did trust her...with everything.

Maura wanted to Jane to remain comfortable as they moved forward with the night. She ran her free hand up Jane's neck to her chin. She cupped her face and ran her thumb slightly over Jane's parted lips. Lifting the glass to her mouth, she allowed some of the rich wine to pass into her mouth. She watched as Jane slowly swallowed the wine. After a few sips, Maura put the glass back on the table.

"Was that enough?"

"Yes," Jane replied.

"How do you feel?"

"Strange."

"Strange how?"

"I can hear the cars outside. I can smell your perfume. I know that Ma made a lasagna for us and it is in the oven still. The house is comfortable. I feel relaxed, but heightened at the same time. I don't know how to explain it."

"Do you still trust me?"

"Yes."

"Will you let me care for you?"

"Yes."

"Do you feel threatened in anyway?" Maura asked her.

"No."

"Are you scared?"

"Yes," there was no hesitation in Jane's voice and Maura knew it was true.

"Why?"

"Because I can't see you."

"Is that the only reason?" Maura asked her.

"No."

"Do you need to be control?"

"I...I...I don't know."

"Do you feel lost?"

"No," Jane stated. "I know where I am. I know where you are. I know I am safe."

"Then, why are you afraid, Jane?"

"I...don't understand."

"Yes, you do," Maura replied.

"I don't know what's happening."

"Will you let care for you?"

"Yes."

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes."

"Will you let me feed you?"

"Maur..."

"Jane," Maura stated in a clipped warning.

"Yes, you can feed me," Jane resigned.

"Alright, then. I am going to get up and get us both a plate of lasagna. Don't move. And, remember you are safe. I am not going to let anything hurt you tonight. And, if you need to stop tell me. Do you want to stop?" Maura inquired as she stood up from the table.

"No, I don't. I want to try. Please."

"Okay, I'll be right back."

Jane cocked her head to the side as she listened to Maura's movements. She could hear her bare feet padding across the hardwoods and onto the tile. She heard the oven open and close. Then, some beeping which she assumed was Maura turning the oven off. She heard her moving around in the kitchen and the gentle swish of silk moving against Maura's body.

Suddenly she became aware of her other senses. She could pick out Maura and the lasagna above the rest of the smells in Maura's house. She used her ears more, so that she could picture Maura moving around in the kitchen before she came back to the table. She found it amazing how much her mind was painting the picture, but she couldn't see any of it. She could only imagine what Maura was doing. She was honestly at Maura's mercy and command. She needed Maura to care for her in this situation because she wasn't prepared to deal with things like this. She really had given up some of her control to Maura and she found that it didn't upset her. It was peaceful and very relaxing. She let herself lean back into the chair and waited for Maura.

Maura gathered the plate that she had prepared. She padded softly back into the living room and back to the table. She sat down as she place the plate beside her. She carefully got a bite on the fork and then moved towards Jane.

"Open your mouth," she told her.

Jane complied as she smiled her mother's lasagna nearing her. Delicately Maura fed her. It took some trial and error, but they eventually got a rhythm going. They ate in silence. Jane would open her mouth when she was ready for more and Maura would feed her. Every few bites, Maura would give her some wine. When they were finished, she told Jane that she was going to clean up before they moved onward.

Jane nodded and waited patiently. She heard Maura moving, but she let herself relax more. She realized that she wasn't afraid. She was actually comfortable. She didn't think that she could do this with anyone else, but Maura, and now she really didn't want to try. She wanted to see what else Maura was going to do. She couldn't explain the calm that was coming over her. She knew that Maura was the only one that she would ever trust to put in this type of scenario. She was the only one that trusted to see her this vulnerable.

"Ready to go upstairs?" Maura asked her.

"Yes."

"Give me your hand," Maura commanded her.

Jane raised her hand. Maura took it and helped her out of the chair. She led her up the stairs and to her bedroom. Once they were inside the room, she led Jane over to the settee.

"Sit here for a moment. I'm going to get you something more comfortable to wear. You may begin to undress if you want, but I can help you when I come back."

"I'll wait for you," Jane told her.

"Just relax, Jane. I promise that everything will be okay. Nothing will happen if you don't want it to."

"I know."


	23. Complete Surrender

**Complete Surrender  
**

_"Just relax, Jane. I promise that everything will be okay. Nothing will happen if you don't want it to."_

_"I know."_

Jane knew immediately when Maura was back. There was a singular warmth that the ME gave off that Jane's body always instinctive reacted to, and not seeing her didn't stop the process. She could barely hear Maura moving across the carpeted floor, but she could hear the gentle swish of her silk robe. Jane could only wonder at the color and if it had a design.

She ached to move, but she promised Maura that she would trust her. She wondered what Maura got for her to wear that was more comfortable. She knew that Maura kept drawers and part of the closet full of clothes for Jane just in case she ended up sleeping over, but now it seemed more practical. They were together and this exercise or test or experiment that Maura was doing with her was just more proof of how much Jane loved her.

"Jane?" Maura asked her as she noticed that her breathing had gotten very deep.

"Yes, Maur?"

"I thought you were asleep."

"No, I am just trying to relax."

"What were you doing?"

"Honestly?" Jane asked with a slight smirk.

"Yes," Maura replied.

"Listening to you move around the room and trying to picture what you were doing."

"I see. So, in your mind what was I wearing, Jane? Will you tell me?" Maura asked her.

Jane's breath hitched. She wasn't prepared for Maura to flirt with her in this scene. This wasn't something that she could control, but maybe that was the point. Maybe Maura wanted her off balance to show her that she wouldn't let her fall. Jane tried to steady her breath but failed. Oh, how deliciously she failed.

"I...well...I..."

"Yes, Jane? Use your words, dear. What am I wearing for you?"

Jane swallowed hard. She felt her body starting to react to Maura and she hadn't even touched her. The loss of her sight was an interesting sensation to begin with, but adding arousal to the mix heightened things for Jane to an unprecedented level.

"I don't know because I can't see you," Jane replied and Maura moved closer.

She ran her hand over Jane's cheek. She leaned close to her mouth and gently brushed her lips against Jane's. Jane left her mouth parted as Maura leaned back, still making sure that only her hands touched Jane.

"What do you think I am wearing for you?" Maura asked with a slight hint in her voice.

Jane raised her hands to the scarf blinding her. She couldn't take the pure sex dripping from Maura's words. She needed to see her. She needed to touch. She needed to know.

Maura reached out and stopped her hands. She gently moved them back to Jane's side. When she felt Jane relax her arms, she let her go.

"Keep them there. I'll let you know when to touch. But, tell me, Jane: what do you think I'm wearing right now? Can you tell me?"

Jane took another quick swallow and let her breath out slowly. She turned her head to the left and then the right like she was trying to figure out where exactly Maura was standing. And, then she let her imagination flow. She knew for certain that Maura wasn't wearing her shirt anymore and at the minimum she was in a silk robe.

"I know that you came up here and changed before we ate. Listening to you move, I know that you are in a silk robe. I debating back and forth as to the color. I am leaning more towards purple or dark green one. Both colors bring out the vibrancy of your eyes. I have felt the warmth of your skin, so I've let my mind wander. But, that was down stairs. Now we are up here in your room, I am not even sure that you have on your robe."

Maura cocked an eyebrow at her. She smiled as she slowly slipped out of the robe and draped it across Jane. She watched her neck and Jane's pulse. She watched as it sped up in time with her breathing.

"And now?" Maura asked, sex dripping from her voice..

"I think that you are teasing me. You know that I can't see you. But, to answer your question, I believe that you are in a wonder matching set of lingerie. It would be something ridiculously expensive and silk."

"Why silk?" Maura inquired as she moved closer to Jane again.

"Because you love the way it feels against your skin," Jane replied with a smirk of her own. "I can see it being something that will highly contrast with your skin tone and make your eyes and hair pop. It will make you look so damn sexy that I would loose my breath and be speechless. The sight of you in it would make me just want to touch you, from head to toe. Am I close?"

"Am I really that predictable?" Maura asked with a pout.

"No...yes...well, I just know you, Maur. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You are wickedly beautiful and stupidly sexy."

"I am not sure that is a good thing," Maura replied.

"Oh, yes, it is. It means that you make people go stupid in your presence because of your beauty. Add the wickedly smart brain of yours and it is an amazing combination making you a force of nature to be reckoned with. You make people strive to be worthy enough to worship your feet and the ground they walk upon, but then you do something awesomely humbling," Jane started.

"Like what?"

"Loving a street smart, rough neck, crass Italian detective from a blue collar family who happens to be a woman," Jane answered.

"Oh, you mean the devastatingly gorgeous woman that all the undercover cops and drug unit detectives want to date, who could out shoot them all, out last them all undercover and out wit them all just by listening to her 'infamous gut' and instincts. The raven hair beauty that became one of the youngest detectives on Boston Police force. The daughter of a brilliant business-wise woman and a hands-on man, who lets her faith and instinct lead her through everything. The woman that was strong enough to sacrifice herself and her gut in order to bring down a corrupt cop turned cop killer. Is that who are talking about?"

"I don't know...maybe..."

"You are beautiful, Jane. You are very intelligent. You are amazingly self-sacrificing for those you love, but especially for your family and colleagues. I feel blessed to know that you love me. I can feel it in every interaction that we have. I can feel it in the way you look at me. I feel it in your touch. I feel it in the way you trust me."

"Maur..."

"No, Jane. Now, are you ready to move on? If you aren't, we can stop here."

"No."

"No, what, Jane?" Maura quipped.

"I want to continue."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am."

"Okay, then we'll undress and head into the other room."

"Other room?"

"Trust me, you need this."

Jane just nodded. Maura leaned forward and reached for her shirt. She slowly undid the buttons of the shirt and let it part. She had fight her want to touch Jane, to kiss every inch of freshly exposed skin, but she did. She slowly removed the shirt and laid it on the settee beside her. Finally she couldn't stop herself, she reached out and touched the soft skin between Jane's breasts. Both of them gasped at the warm and faint touch. She reached out for Jane and bid her to stand. Jane stood up and waited for further instructions, allowing herself to be at Maura's command.

Maura got close enough that her warmth could be felt. She touched Jane only where she needed to as she removed her shoes and then her pants. Each movement painstakingly slow. Jane tried to relax her breathing, but there was something about the gentle sound of the zipper as it scraped down, tooth by tooth, that made her breath catch. Maura helped support her as they both eased the slacks off and to the floor. Jane smirk as she heard Maura pick them up, fold them, and set them on the settee as well. She knew that her shoes were under it, along with her socks. Tomorrow, Maura would put them in the laundry, but for tonight they were out of their way. She left Jane standing there a black bra and panty set.

"Ready?"

"Yes."

"Do you still trust me?"

"Always," Jane said and for once her heart didn't tighten.

Maura reached out to her and took her hand. She pulled Jane against her. She needed her to feel the heat between them. She needed to feel the other woman as well.

"Maur..."

"No speaking, Jane. I haven't asked you a question. Just relax and let me take care of you."

Jane nodded. She lifted her left hand and gestured for Maura to lead the way. Maura knew that the gesture meant more than it was saying. She was slowly surrendering herself to Maura but she couldn't fathom the control that it was costing the surly detective. She just hoped that this didn't cause some deep emotional backlash. Jane needed this outlet. She needed to let go and allow her body to relax and be free even if for a few hours.

Jane could feel the bare hardwoods under her feet. She tried to count the number of steps between rooms, but she knew as soon as she entered the other room which room it was. She could see the pale walls covered with bamboo motifs. She could see the small stereo in the corner on a light brown built-in. A selection of CDs beside it. There were rolls of yoga mats, two...one purple and one green, on the shelf below. There was a faint smell of incense, something beachy.

She was lead to the middle of the room. She felt a table or something with a pad on it. Then, it dawned on her what it was. Maura had bought a PT table after Jane shot herself to help her with therapy. It doubled as a massage table, and she began to wonder if that was what Maura was about to do. She was placed by the end of it. She could feel the cool sheet on top of the pleather covered pad. Maura didn't say a word as she helped her up on the table. Once she was seated on the end of it, Maura asked her one thing.

"What would you like to hear: rain storms or ocean waves?"

"Storms," Jane answered quickly.

Maura crossed the room, selected a CD, put it in the stereo and played it. Jane could hear a match light and she assumed the Maura was lighting some candles to help with the atmosphere she was creating. It was helping. Jane couldn't deny that, but she'd never been one to do any of this. Doing yoga with Maura, not regularly, was the closet that she'd ever come to anything like this. She could hear the faint sounds of thunder and rain. She smiled as heard Maura moving around a little more. There was some cabinets opened and closed. There were some other sounds that she couldn't place, but she wasn't afraid. She had no idea what was going to happen. She didn't know what was happening around her and she wasn't freaking out. Maura was succeeding in getting her to completely surrender and trust her. But, Jane couldn't help but wonder what the rest of her surrender would entail.

"Okay, I am going to give you an oiled massage. If you don't want that, tell me now. If at anytime it becomes too much, tell me. I am just trying to help your relax and let you know that you don't have to be so rigidly in control all the time. Do you want me to continue?"

"Yes..." Jane whispered.

She wasn't sure if it was she was intrigued and wanted to know what was going to happen. Or, she honestly just wanted Maura to give her massage. Either way, it didn't matter. She wasn't going to back down. She saw this as another survival test and she could do it. She was with Maura, so she was safe. She wasn't going to break. She was Jane Clementine Fucking Rizzoli, BPD homicide detective. She could handle this.

Maura stood right beside her and touched her. She ran a hand down her back until she found the clasp of Jane's bra. She popped it and then removed the garment. She helped Jane roll onto her side and then her stomach. Once Jane was semi in position, Maura removed the last bit of barrier that Jane had. Now she was fully exposed, but she knew that was safe and loved where she was. There was no reason to run. She closed her eyes behind the scarf and waited. Then, Maura's hands touched her in order to get her to move.

Jane was surprised to feel a rolled towel just under her hips and a small pillow for her to rest her chest on. Maura eased her into position. She gently lifted and moved Jane's hair to one side, so it was swept off the edge of the table. She spread her legs slightly. Jane just listened to the faint rumble of the bed and the sheet beneath her. Once she knew that Maura was satisfied with her position, she heard her walk away and come back quickly.

Maura put a bowl of warmed body oil between Jane's legs. It was there for easy access. She carefully dipped her hands in the oil and then came up over Jane's lovely ass to her back. Gently and methodically, she spread the oil on Jane's body. The oil was there to keep from hurting Jane as she rubbed her tenseness away, but also to nourish her body at the same time. Slowly the stress of the job melted away. Like the sounds of the rain storm washing away the old and helping to begin life anew, Maura's hands were whisking away the pain and torment, the trials and tribulations, the pain and suffering that Jane saw on a daily basis.

Maura could feel her relaxing. She could see it as Jane's body slowly melded to the table. She moved around the table so that Jane's head was almost nestled in her crotch. She reached out and placed Jane's hands on the end of the table. She massaged them, softly and slowly, knowing how much Jane hated it for people to touch her hands. When she felt the weight of Jane's arms fall into her hands, she delicately laid her arms down on the table so her hands could grasp the end if needed.

She moved down her back to her ass. She circled the globes, constantly touching, constantly rubbing, kneading and massaging. She could hear the labored breaths coming from Jane, but she wasn't worried. The labor wasn't from stress but the lack of it. Jane's body had actually forgotten how to relax completely so it was rebelling. Maura knew this, but she didn't stop. She knew that slowly Jane's brain would tell her body to just enjoy the sensations and to relax. Ten minutes in and her body started to respond.

Spreading her legs a little further, Maura moved to her left side. She did this on purpose. She wanted Jane to feel like she was safe and that Maura was safe. If she was on Jane's dominant side, then Jane could surrender further.

She oiled her hands again. Slowly moving up the back of her thighs, Maura headed straight for her core. She was teasing at first, touching quickly and softly. Never giving Jane anything to directly respond to. Then with her right hand, she started to massage her core. Her left she used as a grounding measure, slowly running it up and down Jane's back. It was a way to let Jane know that Maura wasn't leaving, but it also gave her a sense of intimacy.

As Maura's fingers circled and massaged, she could hear the gasps from Jane's mouth. She was trying not to be loud and lose herself into the mood and sensations that Maura was creating. She had to admit that she'd never had a massage like this before. Quickly two fingers entered her to the hilt and she couldn't stop the quiet moan that escaped. Her hands began to grasp at the table as Maura selected a rhythm and kept to it. She hissed, and moaned, but they were quiet and barely audible above the sounds of the rain storm in the background.

Her whole body was pliant. She was Maura's plaything and she was enjoying it. Maura worked her and continued rubbing until she could feel how close Jane was. Jane bonelessly tried to collapse further into the table. Her hips pushed against the towel, raising her ass further into the air. Her hands gripped the sheet covered table, gripping and relaxing, gripping and relaxing as wave after wave as pleasure started to build in her stomach. A third finger entered her as Jane's entire body began to move on its own, seeking the divine pleasure and relaxation that Maura was offering. Slowly and gently, Maura eased her over the edge and let her find her bliss.

Maura continued to touch her, not satisfied with everything just yet. Oiling her hand again, she dripped it down Jane's ass crack. When she figured there was enough, she plunged softly back inside, pushing the oil into her. This time starting with three fingers, she spread Jane open. Rocking her hand and fingers, she pushed into Jane until she could accept a fourth and then fifth finger. As she fisted her, always softly and gently, she never stopped rubbing her back with her left hand. Jane never stopped gripping the table, but she never asked for Maura to stop.

Maura turned her hand over and extended her pinkie. She sped up her rhythm to an almost hard pace. With each movement, her pinkie caused a delicious friction against Jane's clit. She couldn't help the gasps, whimpers and quiet moans that were now escaping her lips. The more sounds she made, the faster and slightly hard Maura seemed to push her to the edge again. Not wanting to disappoint and certainly unable to help herself, Jane soared. There was no other word for it. She felt like she was flying. She couldn't feel her body. Well, except where Maura was touching.

She felt light. She felt free. There was no stress, no worry. She was safe. She was loved.

Maura leaned down and whispered in her ear to roll over at her convenience. She didn't want Jane to move until she thought she could. As soon as Jane began to move, Maura pulled the rolled towel out and moved the pillow up for Jane to rest up on it.

Now on her back, she waited for Maura to start the process over again. Maura dipped her hands into the oil and began to drip it over Jane's front. This time she started with her legs. Rubbing down her thighs to her feet, she took special care to massage Jane's soles and hit all the right pressure points to help her fall deeper into a stress-free state. Arousal was only an added bonus. She moved from her legs back to her hips. She didn't linger there long. She gathered some oil and let it fall from the cracks between her fingers as she moved around again to the head of the table.

Once again, Jane knew exactly where Maura was as her hand molded her body like clay. Her breasts and chest were amply covered and well massaged. After a few minutes, Maura's ministrations turned to just her breasts. She rolled Jane's nipples and pinched them into hardened peaks. When she heard Jane begin to whimper, she moved on again.

Moving back to Jane's side, she pulled her legs up to give her better access. With a few fingerfuls of oil, she began to explore Jane in earnest. She massage her labia. She wasn't surprised to feel Jane's own wetness mixing with the oil. Her left hand moved down so that her thumb could stroke Jane's clit as she continued to massage her. She didn't penetrate. She just massage and rubbed lips and clit. When Jane's pants became little whimpers, Maura moved her hands.

Using her thumb and forefinger, she began to massage Jane's clit as she use three fingers from her right hand to enter her. She started another slow rhythm letting Jane's body dictate the speed and angle. With both hands working her so expertly, Jane couldn't help but writhe for Maura. Soon she needed more.

"More..." she whimpered.

Maura turned her right hand again and entered her fully with four fingers. She sped up her rhythm of in and out. With each in, she flickered her fingers. With each out, she let her fingertips graze against her spongy spot. Soon Jane couldn't contain her whimpers and they turned into full moans. Her body cried out for more and Maura didn't disappoint. She allowed Jane to cum again.

As she was coming back to her senses, Jane felt Maura rubbing her body down. She was grounding her. Letting her know that she hadn't left and that she wouldn't leave. She was giving Jane promises that only one lover can give to another. There were no words needed. Only touches, whimpers and gasps.

But, Maura wasn't done with her. She wanted her to completely surrender. Cumming wasn't surrendering and Jane knew it. She didn't know how much more she could take. She wondered if Maura was trying to break her down so completely, that she couldn't help but show the deep vulnerability that she locked away.

Once again, she entered her core. Rubbing her clit gently this time, worrying more about the rhythm she was setting and the pleasure that Jane was getting than anything else. She bent her up, to change the angle, and then back to work. Jane had to wrap her arms around her legs to hold the position and as soon as she did, Maura started a fast but gently rhythm. Gasps and whimpers began to fall from her lips again. Desperately she wanted to touch Maura, but she knew that if she did it would break the spell. This wasn't about them tonight. Not really, it was all about Jane.

She pushed and pushed until Jane's whimpers turned to moans. Her entire moved with each thrust, looking for the next and trying to ride the wave into oblivion. That was what Maura wanted, so she continued. And, then she heard it. It was faint at first and then it grew louder.

"Fuck...Fuck...Fuck..." the words falling from Jane's mouth.

She knew that Jane was on the edge. She just needed the right push. Curling her fingers upwards until she found that spongy flesh inside her, she stroked back and forth across it with one hand. The other pushed down on top of her mons as ran her thumb over her clit. The joint sensations did their job and Jane went spiraling into oblivion. Her entire body shook with the force of her orgasm, but Maura didn't relent. She wanted her to ride the wave as long as she could. Whimpers turned to moans, and moans turned to sobs.

When she heard the first sob escape, Maura slowly down and stopped. She gently removed herself from Jane's core and grabbed a towel. She wiped her hands off and then reached for the scarf. She slowly slide it off Jane's face.

Dark eyes took several seconds to orient themselves with the room. She blinked a few times, as Maura continued to rub her. A slight movement across her hips cause Jane to quiver and the tears finally fell. Maura just smiled at her as she leaned down to kiss her. Jane had finally, completely let go and let herself be at the mercy of someone else's wishes. There was no stress. There was no pain. She had been safe and loved.

"Jane?"

Her eyes turned to Maura. She was afraid to speak. Her body was so weak, but strong. She didn't trust her voice in that moment.

"Are you ready for bed?"

She simply shook her head. She allowed Maura to help her into a sitting position on the table. It was then that she noticed that Maura was still somewhat clothed.

"Do you want to take a shower?"

She looked at Maura quizzically, unsure if it was an offer or a command. She didn't know if Maura would let her sleep in the bed so oiled. She just blinked.

"If you don't think that you can handle a shower tonight, we'll shower in the morning. I am not worried about the sheets. I'll change them tomorrow. Right now, I am worried about you. Would you like a shower or do you want to go straight to bed, my Love?"

Jane smiled at her. The term of endearment hadn't escaped her. She just nodded.

"Bed or shower?" Maura asked again with a little more urgency.

"Bed?"

"That's fine, Jane. Come on. Let's get you to bed. You've had a long night."

As they re-entered Maura's bedroom, Maura ushered her to bed. When Maura didn't immediately get in, she gave her a worried look. Maura didn't see it right away and walked back across the room to the settee to get her robe. When she turned back around, she saw the look in Jane's eyes.

"Don't worry, Love. I am going to blow out the candles and lock up the house. I'll be back shortly. Go to sleep if you need to. I promise, I'll be right back."

Jane nodded again and lay down. She stared at the ceiling for a few moments before she closed her eyes. Once they were closed, she listened to Maura moving around the house. Sure enough, she heard the front locks engage and then back. She heard her put in the alarm codes and then come back upstairs. She could hear her moving around in the yoga suite and then coming back into the bedroom. She opened her eyes and watched as Maura shed the robe and the matching bra and panties.

Maura watched as Jane's pupils dilated. She knew what Jane was thinking, but tonight was just about her. Sure she was aroused, but it was nothing that she couldn't handle. She didn't need to cum physically. She had mentally and spiritually with Jane in the other room.

She got into the bed. She pulled Jane close and let Jane rest her head on her breast. As Jane's hands began to wander, she reached down to stop them.

"But..."

"Not tonight, Jane."

"But..."

"I'm fine, Jane. I promise. Tonight was for you. Did you enjoy it?"

"Yes."

"There is nothing to be ashamed of, Jane. You gave yourself over to me completely. It takes a strong person to do that. And, you, my love, are a strong woman."

"Thank you."

"Would you like to do it again?"

"Maybe."

"Are you still afraid?"

"Not really," Jane replied.

"Then, what's wrong?"

"I feel like you are doing more for me than I am for you."

She hugged her hard. She hadn't thought of that stressor. She needed to nip this in the bud, now, before it caused problems for them being together.

"Jane, you do so much for me. Doing this for you is a way that I can help you. I want to be able to take care of you in ways that you take care of me. You make me feel safe and loved. You make me feel cherished and wanted. I want to give you that back."

"Well you succeeded...five times," Jane replied coming back into her element.

"I should hope so. I love you. I want the best for you."

"Maura..."

"Yes, Jane?"

"You are the best for me," Jane replied.


	24. Beacon Hill Green

**Beacon Hill Green  
**

She was tired. She was frustrated. She just wanted peace. Skeet had been a welcome, but unwanted distraction and now Maura was avoiding her. She was just trying to relax, but she didn't think about how it would look to Maura.

She felt stupid and ridiculous at the same time. It was just a drink and she was off duty. Yeah, it was in his boat, but it was parked outside of the station house. It didn't mean anything. She was just trying to be nice. She wouldn't ever see him again. But, she could see Maura's point. She understood it even. If it had been Maura, she'd...

"Shit."

"What?" Korsak asked from his desk.

"I screwed up."

"Care to elaborate on that?"

"I screwed up with Maura."

"Call her."

"It won't work," Jane replied.

"Try?"

"I've tried texting. She won't respond. I don't know what to do. She won't talk to me."

"Maybe because it doesn't seem personal to her. You're texting her. Why don't you go downstairs and see if she's in her office? Try it face to face," Korsak stated. "But, then again, what do I know?"

Jane wanted to look at him like he had three heads, but she knew he was right. She reached across the desk and touched the Barry's action figure. She was asking for his strength as she faced a very pissed off medical examiner. She sighed, gathered herself and headed for the door. All the time she was trying to ignore Korsak's grin.

When she got into the elevator, she released a breath she didn't know that she was holding. She saw her muted reflection in the stainless steel doors. She didn't like what she was seeing. She looked tired. She looked stressed and she didn't like it. She hated feeling this way and she knew that it was her fault. She desperately wanted to fix it.

"Time to suck it up, buttercup," she thought as the doors opened into the morgue and crime lab.

Susie looked up from the equipment that she was working with to see Jane. She shook her head at the detective, but she didn't say anything. When their eyes met, she saw the unasked question and just nodded. She went back to work, hoping that her boss would listen to the dejected looking detective and it would put her in a better mood.

Jane looked over at Maura's office door. She steeled herself and knocked. She waited, not waiting to interrupt Maura if she was busy with some thing, for Maura to acknowledge the knock and either let her in or call out to her telling her to come in. When she didn't get answer right away, she knocked again. Finally, she heard some movement and Maura call out. Slowly she opened the door and headed into her office.

What she saw when she opened the door was enough to jump start her libido. She tried to push it down, but she wasn't sure that she could. Maura was just too beautiful. And, whatever had the honey blonde flushed and somewhat out of sorts made Jane even more lustful.

"Detective," she said in greeting, causing Jane to wince slightly.

"Hey, Maur."

"I don't think that I have anything for you. At least not any results on any of the current cases you are working on. Did Susie call you down with something?" Maura asked her not meeting her eyes.

"No, she didn't," Jane answered.

"Then, what can I help you with, Detective?" Maura inquired, still using an overly professional manner in her demeanor.

"I was hoping that I could speak with you."

"I am sorry, Detective. I am really busy right now. Maybe you should call before you just show up unannounced so that I could make time for you between cases. Wouldn't that be easier for you?"

Jane winced. It hurt, but she knew that she deserved it. She didn't mean to make Maura feel less in her eyes, but she knew that she had. She didn't want her to hurt, so she did. She could feel the anger coming from the other woman and decided that she would wait.

"Okay, Maura, if that's what you want. I'll leave you alone for now, but I would like to talk to you. I think you know what it's about, but I can wait until later. I guess I'll see you later. Call me and we can go to dinner," Jane said as she moved towards the door from the spot on the floor that she had been so awkwardly standing on in the middle of Maura's office.

She got just to the door. Her hand was on the knob. And, something broke on the inside. She felt defeated and lost with Maura talking to her, but this was worse. She was breaking. She could hear it and wondered if Maura could as well. It was that thought that spurred her forward. She couldn't take it anymore. She needed Maura and she needed her to know that she needed her completely.

"No actually, Maura, that isn't going to be okay," she said as she let go of the door knob and turned around to face Maura more squarely.

She watched as Maura dropped her pen on the files in front of her. She didn't look up at Jane immediately. She simply moved her laptop to the side and then folded her hands together before placing them on the files in front of her. Once she was positioned, she looked up at Jane.

It was the first time in two days that their eyes had met. Jane could see the pain and anger in Maura's gorgeous hazel eyes and it caused her to break more. She crumpled to the floor right where she was standing. Her body gave out. She couldn't support herself anymore. There was no point. She'd hurt the one person that she promised she wouldn't. She hurt the woman she loved, the woman who cared for her despite all of her attitude and scars, the woman who loved her back.

She couldn't stop the tears. She didn't want to this time. She needed Maura to know that she meant it. She didn't want to wait until they were possibly back at Maura's place, if she would even let her in the house. She needed for Maura to realize how hurt she was as well. She let the sobs wrack her body.

Maura for her part was stunned by Jane's actions. This wasn't the normally stoic and reserved Detective Rizzoli that she'd fallen in love with. No, this was an emotional mess of a woman before her. She was proud of Jane for actually embracing her emotional side and fighting for them. This wasn't a test, but Maura couldn't help and give Jane a passing grade. She was angry with her, but she knew that it was her own jealousy and her own misgivings that Jane actually wanted her that caused her to be so detached to the situation. She was trying to figure out her own issues that she hadn't realized how bad her shutting Jane out actually hurt her. They were both wrong and now she saw it.

"Jane," Maura started, watching as Jane turned up to face her.

She could see the tracks of tears running down the detective's face. She started to reach out for her, but she stopped herself. She wasn't sure that Jane would even want her to console her considering the way that they had been treating each other of the last few days. She'd had time to process and surmise that she was jealous, but Jane hadn't had that.

"Jane?" she tried again.

When their eyes met this time, Jane let out a gut-wrenching sob. Maura no longer restrained herself. She couldn't. She was around the desk and at Jane's side in seconds. The doctor in her took over and she gave Jane a cursory exam before helping her to her feet and then the couch. Her eyes never left the brokenness in Jane's dark sable eyes.

She remembered losing herself in them just the other morning and a small smile crept across her face. She hadn't just punished Jane; she'd punished herself. She took the detective's face in hers and made Jane look at her. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable and the longer she held her there, the more she could see the old Jane fighting to come back out.

"I'm sorry," Jane whimpered.

Maura's heart broke further. She shook her head, hoping that it could convey the words that were stuck in her throat. She brushed her thumbs across Jane's face, brushing the tears away. She leaned in and gave each cheek a quick kiss before backing up to study her eyes again.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jane. You've done nothing wrong. Well...you didn't do anything to deserve the way I've been treating you," Maura told her.

Jane pulled back and looked at her intently. She was trying to process what Maura was saying, but her brain couldn't make sense of it. She wasn't good at expressing herself when she needed to, not like Maura was. But, they were both emotionally challenged and stunted. Maura tended to go all in, while Jane tried to fight it for everything that she was worth. She was trying with Maura, but then she was just cut off and cut out her life that Jane's head was reeling.

"What do you mean?" Jane asked, still confused.

"I was...Well, I got jealous of Skeet."

"Of the Basshole?"

"Yes, I was."

"Why?" Jane asked still trying to wrap her head about the situation. She figured that it had to do with him, but she thought that she unwittingly flirted with him. She never imagined that the reason that Maura was so upset was because the great Doctor Maura D. Isles was jealous.

"He could be what you want. He wouldn't be here long, so you wouldn't have to completely emotionally invested. He is a man, which would make your mother happy at the possibility of more grandchildren. Something of which that I cannot physically provide for you ever. You could a relationship without worry. He wasn't upset that you were a detective and we both know that he wouldn't ask you to quit," Maura explained.

"And, you would?" Jane probed, still trying to understand.

"No, never. I know that being an officer of the law is part of you. And, if I can be frank, it is rather arousing to see you in uniform. I know the perils of your job and I understand that it would destroy you know to stop unless you medically had to. I would never ask that of you."

"But, you think that little of me, that I would leave you for that over grown boy that likes to fish?"

"Well, when you put it that way..."

"I can't believe this, Maura. You shut me out. You cut me off for over two days because I had a drink with him in his boat just out the station?"

"It was champagne at sunset, Jane," Maura replied like it answered everything.

"I was being nice. I told him that it didn't mean anything. It was a nice gesture and nothing more."

"So, you aren't going to see him again?" Maura asked, her doubt flooding her voice.

"No. He isn't from here. He was only here for the tournament. I told him as I got of his boat that I wished him luck and if he was town to look me up, but that I was happily with someone."

"But, you told him to look you up," Maura stated.

"I did, but only to go fishing. He said that he would help me learn to fish. It would be something that I could learn to do to relax. You could even go with me and sit in the boat," Jane added.

"You're sure?"

"Yes, Maura. I don't want anyone else. I thought I made that clear," Jane said as she ran a hand through her dark wavy locks.

"I am such a fool, Jane. Forgive me. I've hurt us both with this," Maura told her.

"Maura, I've done things with you that I've never done with anyone else. I've given you my body completely. You're the one I run to when things get bad. There is no one else for me."

"Oh, Jane," Maura replied as she started to cry as well.

"I begged you not to leave me, Maura."

"I'm sorry, Jane. Forgive me. I was jealous. I've never been really jealous like that."

"It was a new shade for you, I'll say," Jane stated.

"What's that?" Maura asked cocking her head.

"Beacon Hill Green. I must say that it isn't a lovely color on you. I much rather it be Red Sox Red," Jane said teasingly.

"I think that can be arranged," Maura told her as she took her hands in her own.

"Talk to me next time, Maura. Please. Don't shut me out. I can't take you not talking to me."

"I won't, Jane. I promise. I'll make you talk to me."

"Thank you."

"Come over tonight."

"Okay."

"And, pack for a few days."

"I can do that," Jane responded.

"And, Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't be late," Maura told her.

"Wouldn't dream of it."


	25. Red Sox Red

**Red Sox Red**

Jane was late. She cursed under her breath as she entered Maura's house. She knew that Maura asked her to not be late and she was. It wasn't like she could help. They caught a break in their case and she wanted to chase down the lead while it was still fresh in her mind. She knew that Maura would only be mildly upset, but after the last few days, that was still too upset for Jane.

She didn't know what to expect as she entered the house. She made her way through the front door and towards the kitchen. She didn't see Maura, but she did see a note. It was laying beside two intertwined thornless roses. One was white and the other was red. She picked them up and gave them a quick sniff before setting them back down on the counter. She picked up the note and saw that it was hand written by Maura.

_Jane,_

_I know that something must have come up with work because you didn't make it home for dinner. I also got your text telling me that you found a new lead. I expected that you would follow it until its conclusion. That is why you are such a good detective._

_In the fridge, you'll find some dinner. Don't worry. It isn't only a kale salad. I got you that burger that you like so much from the Dirty Robber. You're mother suggested that you heat it up in the microwave for two minutes max. There is mayo and other toppings on the side in the container. She didn't want the burger to get soggy for you. Please eat before you come upstairs._

_I know that it an odd request, but I must insist that you finish the burger before looking for me. I am in our bedroom, so it shouldn't take you too long. If I am asleep, please wake me and then come to bed. If I am awake, I'll take care of you with a gentle massage to help you sleep before you have to go back to the precinct. But, please take care of yourself and eat the burger. I know that you didn't eat while you chasing down your newest lead._

_I love you,_

_Maura_

She smiled at the perfect, looping handwriting. She couldn't help but wonder how long Maura had stayed up waiting before she penned the note. She went to the fridge, not for the burger mentioned, but for a beer.

She was tired. She wasn't hungry. For once, Korsak made her eat while they were reviewing the evidence from the lead. He'd called down to the Dirty Robber and got them both burgers and fries. They ate on the run and she knew that she'd pay for it later, but she didn't care about that while she was eating it. She took another pull of her beer and decided that it was time for bed.

She meandered around downstairs while she made sure that everything was locked up tight. She turned lights off as she went, happy to see that Maura was indeed waiting for her at home. She sighed as she thought about living in the house with Maura. She was happy to call the Beacon Hill house "their" home as long as Maura would have her. It made her smile again.

She headed back into the kitchen to deal with her beer bottle before heading upstairs for bed. Once that was done, she headed for the stairs. At bottom of the stairs, she stopped. Leaning against the banister, she removed her boots and socks. She was trying to be as quiet as she could be. She turned wrist over and looked at her watch. It was just after one AM. She hoped that Maura was asleep and not still waiting up for her.

She made her way up the stairs and into the guest bedroom. She dropped her boots by the chair just off the bed. Her blazer was tossed down on the bed. She wanted to be comfortable and she wanted to go to sleep. She went to the dresser and pulled out a Red Sox T-shirt jersey and a pair of navy boxer shorts. She changed into the sleep clothes. Before she left the room, she put her gun and badge in the small safe that Maura had installed in the room for her. Once she was somewhat settled and ready for bed, she made her way across the hallway to Maura's room.

The door was shut like normal. This didn't deter Jane from her objective. She wanted to sleep beside Maura. She opened the door slowly as to no wake her. She closed the door carefully and made her way into the room. In the darkness that was only accentuated by a small sliver of light from the moon, Jane could barely make out Maura in the bed. She hoped that she was still asleep and that she hadn't woken her as she had gotten ready for bed.

"Stop thinking so hard and come to bed," Maura said as Jane started to move towards like some sort of gravitational pull.

Jane smiled at her lounging lover doubt that she could see her trademark Rizzoli smirk in the dark. She made her way to "her side" of the bed and pulled the covers back just enough to get in. She was welcomed by Maura's warmth. She could smell her on the sheets. Her body moved closer and closer to Maura as she got settled in the bed. Rolling on her side, she moved almost up against Maura's back, pausing to make sure that Maura was okay with her holding her.

"Hold me, Jane."

She didn't need to be told twice. Her body moved on its own accord until she was flush with Maura's body. Her one hand was resting on her hip as the other was under her head. She was still waiting, but for what she didn't know. Maura had told her to hold her but she didn't want to overstep any boundaries.

"Give me your hand," Maura told her in the darkness.

Jane could just make out a slider pale arm raised in the moonlight. She reached out for it and was surprised when Maura linked their hands and brought them down to circle her waist. As soon as she was hugging Maura, her body leaned in closer like it couldn't get close enough. She could feel the smaller blonde's warmth seeping through her jersey. She longed to feel Maura's skin beneath her fingertips, but she didn't dare push anything tonight. It wasn't the time.

When Maura pushed her hand against some sort of satiny silk, her palm went flat. As soon as it did, Maura moved their hands down just a little and Jane got her wish. She felt skin, warm, delicious skin beneath her fingers. She tried, but she just couldn't stifle the moan that escaped her lips. Maura rubbed the back of hand with her thumbs, knowing that she was the only allowed to touch her hands like this, and turned her head just enough to make out Jane's dark features before she kissed her.

"Mmm...I missed you," Maura said pulling back and pushing her butt against Jane's core.

If she had been tired, she wasn't anymore. Jane wondered if Maura knew what she was doing. Her entire body began to ache for the woman in her arms and she couldn't wait to have her again. Holding her just was never going to be enough; Jane needed...wanted...yearned for more with Maura, every second that they were together. Her body was on fire and there was only one person that could stop the raging inferno.

Maura brought their hands up to her mouth. She kissed Jane's palm, the scar there and then flipped it over to kiss the scar on the back of hand. If it was possible, Jane got closer. Bare legs intertwined. Jane tried to bury her nose into the crook of Maura's neck, but her breath kept tickling Maura, so she moved her head every time. When she finally couldn't take it anymore, Maura reached back with her other hand and moved Jane's head to a new position. She knew that Jane wouldn't move once she had done it and she was right. Jane stayed exactly where Maura had put her.

After a few minutes, she could swear that she heard the distinctive sound of Maura's breathing. It wasn't getting deeper and slower. It was faster and shallower. It wasn't until she heard a sharp intake of breath that she began to wonder if Maura was dreaming. She started to move her hand away from Maura's body in order to position herself at a better angle to look down upon her love's face. As she started to move, Maura gripped her hand hard and brought it up further her torso.

That is when she felt it. It wasn't just some plain silk nightie that Maura was sleeping in. No, this was something more...or something less. There didn't seem to be a lot of fabric as her hands continued their journey up Maura's front, guided by Maura's own hand. And then she was allowed to rest her hand against a very, scantily lace covered breast.

All the air in Jane's lung left her in one silent whoosh. She wasn't sure what to do at that point. She tried to find Maura's eyes in the darkness, but she couldn't. The contact between them was more than enough for Jane to understand what Maura wanted, but she wanted to see and to see her. She wondered if Maura would be upset if she turned on the light, but then she thought better of it.

It was late and the moon was high. She quickly got out of bed, much to Maura's dismay and went to the window. She pulled back the curtains just enough to let the moonlight in. When she turned around to face Maura, she saw her bathed in the ethereal glow.

"You look like an angel," Jane mumbled.

"I'm not angel, Jane."

"You're my angel."

"Come back to bed, Jane."

"I want to look at you."

"Then come look at me in bed," Maura told her as she reached out for Jane.

She moved lithely across the bedroom and got back into the bed. It was then that some perception of color could be seen and she saw exactly what Maura was wearing. Her eyes almost bugged out of her head. It was skimpy. Her hands hadn't lied to her about that. She must have dropped her mouth open, because Maura simply reached up and closed it for her.

"Is it okay?" Maura asked, clearly not realizing how beautiful she was.

"O...k-kay?" Jane stammered as she couldn't take her eyes off her.

"This? Is it okay? I wanted to surprise you."

"Oh, you surprised me alright," Jane husked.

"Does it please you?" Maura questioned bashfully.

"Oh-ho, yeah, it is very pleasing...but-"

"But, what?" Maura inquired, suddenly very self-conscious, as her brow knitted in confusion.

"I would like it better off you and on the floor," Jane told her as she moved in to kiss her...hard.

"Oh," Maura managed to get out between kisses.

Jane quickly pinned her to the bed. She looked down at the beauty below her and got lost in her eyes. The depth of love, support, want, and care that she saw in Maura's brilliant eyes was enough to make her heart want to break. She reached out with a hesitant hand to touch her face. She cupped her cheek.

"God, Maura, you are beautiful," she whispered, not realizing she'd said it out loud.

Maura smiled up to her. The usually mahogany eyes were a deep onyx and blown. She reached up and touched Jane's cheek. The connection was instantaneous. It was like an electric shock between them. They would both later admit that it was never like that with anyone else, just between them. They stared at each other for a few minutes before Maura broke the spell.

"You are the beautiful one," Maura replied finally.

"No, nowhere the beauty that you are," Jane said.

"To me you are," Maura stated.

"You make me feel beautiful, Maura, beautiful and strong. With you, I feel like I could do anything. But, all I want is to be with you. It's never been like this with anyone else. Just you. My body craves yours. I move toward you without thought. I can't lose you, Maura. It would break me."

"I am not going anywhere, Jane. I am right here to stay. So much so that I spent the afternoon shopping," Maura replied.

"Maura, you shop when you get stressed."

"I do. But, I wanted to get you something. So, I did."

"What did you get me?" Jane asked like a kid.

"This lingerie," Maura said.

"I like it, but I..."

"Would like it on the floor, I know. But, can you guess why I got it for you? What color is it?"

"Uh...red?"

"It is Colonial Boston Red better known as..."

"Boston brick red?" Jane inquired.

"No, silly, Red Sox Red. Why would I get something for you the color of bricks? I went all over town until I found a specialty shop that does team colors. They dye it right there in the shop. So, I asked for this in Red Sox Red. Now, do you like it more?" Maura asked her.

"I...yes...but I still want it off you and on the floor," Jane told her as she bent down and kissed her.

"Jane," Maura said pushing her up off her a bit.

"Yeah, Maur?"

"You're off tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good," Maura answered.

"Why?"

"Because, we're staying in bed. Now, get some rest. I'm tired, but I plan on having my way with you as soon as I wake up good. Does that sound okay?"

"Are you sleeping in that?"

"Yes," Maura answered.

"Perfectly fine then," Jane replied as she rolled onto her side and pulled Maura into it.

She fell asleep to the soft sounds of Maura's breathing, a smile on her face because Maura had gone out of her way to find something to please Jane after their brief bout with jealousy. The promise of early morning sex made Jane happy, in more ways than one. She relaxed because she was happy, at home, and had Maura by her side. She couldn't think of a better way to end her day...well, she could, but that could wait until morning.


	26. Lost Genius

**Lost Genius**

Jane wasn't that surprised when she entered Maura's place. It was some what rearranged, and very clean. Her mom hadn't been kidding about Maura cleaning the place up while she was on suspension during Susie's case. This showed her another side to ever complex Maura Dorthea Isles, MD.

She didn't want Maura to think. She didn't want her being sad. It hurt her to see her like that. She knew that she considered Chang a friend, but she wasn't as close to her as Maura was. They were colleagues, friends, coworkers, and Maura was her supervisor. She understood what it meant to lose someone that close to you. It hurt. She wouldn't deny her the pain. She couldn't. Especially after everything Maura did after Barry died. She would be there for her. She would hold her. She would allow her to grieve her friend. And, she would be there for her during the trial when they got the men that caused her death. Yes, she didn't want Maura to think about it because Jane had it all under control.

"Jane?"

"Yes, Maur?" Jane asked in reply as she headed into the kitchen.

"Can we go somewhere?"

"Like?"

"Anywhere," Maura answered quickly.

Jane turned around. She could see the pain in her hazel eyes. It broke her heart. She didn't know how to take the pain away. She'd never seen Maura like this. She was stricken. Even with Barry, she hadn't been this unguarded, but now she wondered if that had been for her own benefit. She needed to do something.

"Any ideas?" Jane asked her.

"I don't know, Jane. I just... I need to get away from Boston for awhile. I don't want to deal with politics. I just want to go."

"Okay...okay. Let me call Cavannaugh and we'll go. Okay. Just give me a few minutes. Think of somewhere you want to go, okay. I'll handle everything," Jane told her as she grabbed at her cell on her hip.

She watched as Maura climbed the stairs. The woman was broken. She knew that Maura had never lost a close friend before Barry. She didn't ever really have friends until Jane came along and pulled her out of the lab. This was something new for both of them. And, she didn't care what Cavannaugh said. She'd been taken a few days, too. She wasn't going to leave Maura alone.

She called Cavannaugh and explained the situation to him. He agreed to give her a few days. He knew that Crowe, Korsak and the "other" Rizzoli could handle things for her. They had Nina to help them out in a pinch, too. He told Jane that he would take care of the crime lab and make sure that Kent took care of the lab and all the autopsies while they were gone. She was glad to have such an understanding boss and someone who make sure that things didn't fall apart. The wheels of justice had to keep turning. When she hung up with him, she knew who she had to call.

She texted Korsak and Frankie to let them know that they were leaving. She would give them more details as soon as she had them. But, for now, they understood that Maura needed Jane. They would cover the House while they were out collecting Maura. Korsak told her to take all the time they needed. Frankie told her to call if she needed anything. He'd find a way to get it to them. She loved her little brother and her partner. They took care of them both.

She let out a sigh. She knew that the next call would be difficult, but necessary. She called her mother. Angela agreed to watch both Jo Friday and Bass while they were out of town. She demanded that Jane give her a full itinerary and locations that they would be staying as soon as they got to wherever it was they were going. Other than that, she just told Jane to take care of Maura. Jane agreed readily and hung up.

Jane made her way upstairs. She slowly opened the door to Maura's bedroom. She found two travel cases on the bed. Both were full of clothes, but she didn't see Maura anywhere. She heard movement and banging in the bathroom. When she checked the in suite, she found her.

Maura was on the floor in front of her vanity. Her eyes were puffy and her mascara had run. It was then that Jane realized that due to the case and the craziness it involved, neither of them had the chance to actually grieve for Chang. She surveyed the scene a little more. There were bottles and boxes all over the room. It looked like Maura had just cleared off her vanity in one stroke, in a fit of rage.

Jane dropped down onto the floor beside her. She didn't say a word to her as she gathered the doctor in her arms. She just held her and hoped that it would be enough. She knew that words wouldn't make it better. Time was the only thing that would help close the wound, but it would never be forgotten. Right now, Jane just needed to help her scab it over.

"Hey," Maura finally said through the sobs.

"Hey."

"Everything good with work?"

"Yeah, Cavannaugh is taking care of it for us. Ma is going to watch the house, Bass, and Jo Friday. Korsak, Frankie, Nina and Kent said that they could handle the cases that come up. Frankie is taking the cases I have open. He'll work them with Korsak."

"They are so good to us," Maura said absentmindedly.

"They are."

"We should do something for them while we are gone," Maura stated.

"Like?"

"I don't know. Maybe, I'll send them fruit baskets or something. But, then again, maybe I'll get them something that they could use. I think that would be better."

"Whatever you want to do, Maur. I'm sure they'll understand the sentiment. It won't really matter what you get them, because they'll know that it is from you and it's from your heart. It will be the thought that counts," Jane told her.

"There is so much that I should have done for Susie, Jane. I should have been a better friend. I should have done something more for her, so she knew that she was my friend and not just a subordinate at work," Maura stated.

"If you believe that she believed that... Oh, Maura, come on. She thought you were the best. She was so glad to be working with you because you taught her so much. She knew that you respected her, but you also understood her. You were the perfect boss for her. She was your friend as much as she was your coworker," Jane told her.

Maura started crying again. Jane gathered her tighter. She didn't know whether it was her words that upset her or they made her feel somewhat better. She knew that Maura would tell her later that crying was a good thing. Not only did it aid in the dispelling of toxins from your body, it help solidify your emotional state by helping the release of hormones. Crying could ultimately help you feel better, so Jane would let her cry as long as she needed.

"Oh, Jane, your shirt. I'm sorry. I'll pay to get it clean. I shouldn't have leaned on you while I am a mess. It's my fault," Maura told her as she tried to stand.

Jane held her arms out to help her stand while shaking her head at Maura's thoughts. She just striped out of her shirt and threw it in Maura's laundry. She knew that if she didn't, Maura would fuss at her for it. She knew that once Maura set her mind on something, she'd do it. Laundering a shirt would be just a little something. Plus, Jane didn't mind when Maura did her laundry because her clothes were always softer and cleaner when Maura did them.

"I'm not worried about the shirt, Maura. It'll clean. I am worried about you."

"I'm experiencing extreme sadness. I've never felt like this, Jane. I feel like part of me is missing. Like I've lost my hand or something necessary body part. I don't know what to do. I can't function like this, " Maura told her.

If it was possible, Jane's heart broke little bit more. She picked her up and walked her towards the bed to sit down. She didn't care that she didn't have her shirt on anymore. She needed to find a way to comfort Maura and fast.

"I know, baby. I know. She was your right hand in the lab and now you don't have that. It's gonna hurt and it's gonna suck when you get back in there. But, I am still here. Korsak and Frankie and Nina are all still here. We miss her, too, but we're still here and we'll help you remember her," Jane stated.

"I just..."

"There is no need to say anything, Maur. I know how you feel. You're lost. You feel alone even though you know that you shouldn't. You're surrounded by love and people who care about you. It's okay hurt. It's okay to be angry. Hell, it's okay to cuss if you want, because it isn't fair. She didn't deserve that. No one does. But, we found the bastards and they are gonna pay. I'll make sure of it. Right now, we need to take care of you. Okay? You wanted to get out of town? Where'd you have in mind? We can go anywhere you want, Maur. Where you wanna go?" Jane asked her.

"You'll go anywhere with me?"

"Anywhere you want to go, Maur, we'll go."

"Even Paris?"

"Even Paris," Jane answered.

Maura cracked a small smile. She hugged Jane's body, tightly like she was afraid if she let go, Jane would disappear. Jane didn't care. She knew that Maura wasn't usually one for contact, especially in emotional situations. This warranted it and frankly, she liked it when Maura hugged.

"I should get us tickets."

"Okay," Jane said, reluctantly letting her go.

"You're serious? You'll go to France with me? You'll really go?" Maura asked.

"Yeah, Maur, I'll go. I'll have to go get my passport, but I'll go. If you want to go there for awhile, I could use a first time European vacation. And, who better to go with than you," Jane told her.

"You don't have a passport?"

"Um...no. Never really needed one. Not much need for me to leave the country when I am cop in Boston."

"Damn it."

"What?" Jane asked.

"It takes six to eight weeks to get a passport, Jane. If you don't have one, we can't go. For one, you wouldn't be allowed in France. And two, you wouldn't be able to get back into the country through customs," Maura explained.

"Oh. I didn't know that. Shit. I'm sorry, Maur. I'll go apply for one right now. That way if you want to go somewhere later, I've got it," Jane said.

"What about Maine?"

"What about Maine?" Jane asked in response.

"Would you go to Maine?"

"Yeah," Jane replied unsure of where Maura was going with this. "I went with you to Las Vegas for your convention, Maura. If you want to go to Maine, we'll go to Maine. If you wanted to go to California, we could go. Since I can't leave the country, where in the USA do you want to go?"

"Maine," Maura answered quickly.

"Then, we'll go to Maine."

"Thank you."

"For?"

"Loving me."

"That's easy."

"Not questioning my sanity."

"You don't question mine...well, at least out loud and to my face," Jane joked.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Maur."

"Go pack."

"Okay?"

"You'll drive. Don't worry. I'll program the GPS for you. Tonight, I want to be in Maine in a cabin on the water with no thoughts of Boston."

"Then, that, my lady, you shall have. I'll be back in under an hour. And, Maur," Jane started.

"Yes?"

"Pack light and comfortable. No dresses. No frills. No designer suits. Jeans, sneakers, t-shirts, a bathing suit and essentials, nothing more, nothing less."

"I shall do my best," Maura told her.

"You always do," Jane state as she gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

She grabbed an old t-shirt, threw it on and was out the door before Maura could say anything. She was on the clock and she wasn't going to disappoint Maura. She needed this. Hell, they both did. A little vacation never hurt anyone.


	27. Divine Province

**Divine Province**

Jane came back upstairs as soon as she got back to the house. She saw where Maura had moved the car and saw a few suitcases in the back. She didn't add hers yet because she wanted to talk to Maura again before they left.

When she got upstairs, she saw the honey blonde sitting on a settee in her room looking out the window to the courtyard. The sun hit her hair causing a halo to form around her and bring out the red highlights. Jane was in awe of the woman before her. She had been so strong for her over the last few years and Jane didn't know what she would have done had Maura not been there. She didn't want to think about it. But, now, it was her turn to return the favor. She wished that it wasn't, but she knew that she had to step up for her.

"You can stop thinking so hard. I know you are there. You aren't exactly quiet, Jane."

Jane huffed in response and crossed the room. She couldn't help but smile when Maura turned around to face her though. She knew that Maura was picking with her. It wasn't something that Maura did often, so it made Jane happy when she did.

"Hey," Jane said as she sat down beside her.

"Hello," Maura replied.

"Did you make the reservations and such?" Jane asked as she pulled Maura closer to her.

"I did."

"And?"

"I changed my mind."

"You don't want to get out of town?" Jane questioned.

"Oh, no, I still do. I just don't want to go to Maine. I want to go somewhere else," Maura answered.

"Like?"

"I was thinking somewhere a little closer."

"Like?" Jane asked again.

"Provincetown," Maura answered.

"Sounds good."

"We're taking the ferry."

"Okay."

Maura was waiting for it to sink in. She knew that it wouldn't take long for Jane to realize where they were going. She wanted a real vacation, not just somewhere to go to forget. She wanted to celebrate Susie's life.

Jane just watched the emotions cross her face. She knew that she wouldn't tell Maura no. At least not now. She needed this. To be honest, they both did.

"Jane?"

"Yeah, Maura?"

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah."

"The last ferry leaves at five thirty and I want to be early to check in on time."

"We have plenty of time, Maur. We're not going to be late. Besides, what are we going to do for a car or something when we get there? The ferries don't carry cars across," Jane told her.

"I have a car waiting for us at the landing."

"You called for a rental?" Jane questioned. "We could have just driven. Traffic would have been crazy, but we could have."

"I know. We could have also chartered a flight, but I wanted to ride the ferry. Is that okay?" Maura asked suddenly very self-conscious of her decision.

"It's fine, Maur. Everything is fine. I am sure that you've made all the arrangements that needed to be done. I know that you are good at planning. I have no doubt that you've taken care of everything that you can think of and I know how you are always prepared for the worst. So, I know we'll be fine," Jane told her.

Maura smiled. Jane took her hand and kissed her knuckles. She knew that the gesture wasn't lost on the ME. Maura stood up and pulled Jane with her.

They made their way downstairs and to the car. Jane laughed when Maura handed her the keys. They got in after Jane put her suitcase in the car. They left and headed for the wharf to catch the ferry. They parked the car, knowing that Frankie would bring Angela by later to get it and take it back to Maura's. Jane grabbed their bags and they headed to the ferry.

Jane was glad for the quick trip. Ninety minutes by the fast ferry was pleasant. She couldn't complain any further when she saw the rental car that Maura had waiting for them either. It was an Audi A3. She looked at Maura, who was just smiling at her reaction.

"I know we are vacation, Jane, but I didn't see any sense on not having the luxury I'm used to having here," Maura stated like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

The rental car agent handed Maura the keys. She smiled and then tipped him. She asked if he needed a ride back, and he told her he didn't. She was a VIP customer, so they brought an extra car to get back. She nodded and smiled at the man.

When she got in the Audi, she reached over onto the console and programmed the address for where they would be staying while in Provincetown. The pulled up to the Crowne Point Historic Inn and Spa. Jane wanted to groan when she saw the sign, but she held it in. If Maura needed the spa, she'd go with her.

It was dinner time, but they didn't feel like going out. Maura handed Jane the room service and menu and told her to order. While Jane was looking over the menu, Maura unpacked and put away their clothes and other items. She knew that they were only going to be there for a week, but watching Maura do that, gave Jane a sense that it might be longer. She seemed to be more at ease there.

Dinner came and went. They both shared a salad and a steak. Maura didn't want anything heavy and for once Jane wasn't that hungry. She was more worried about Maura than she was hungry. She knew that she could make up for it later. She knew that Maura would have every day planned for them, including where they would be eating and she knew that it would be good whatever it was.

Jane cleaned up their dinner and set the tray outside their door. When she came back, Maura was near a window in one of the high-back chair. She had some medical journal or review in her hands that she was reading. To Jane, she finally looked like she was at peace for the first time in days, but she knew that she wasn't. She could see it in her body movements. They weren't fluid. They were practiced decorum. Jane had seen it too much with Maura. It was how Maura's body reacted when she wasn't in a situation that she liked, felt comfortable in, or she felt out of place. Susie's death was all three.

Jane grabbed a book off the shelf where Maura has put them. She wasn't sure what it was until she got into it. It was a new crime novel. She immediately saw what drew Maura to it. It was also a medical drama. It had something for them both in it. She started flipping through the pages and reading it. She was waiting for Maura to tell her that she was ready for bed.

An hour or so later, Maura closed her journal and set it on the table beside her. She looked over at Jane and her heart melted. The once frightened Jane was there with her, no questions asked. She wanted to be there with her, too. They were polar opposites, but they fit together so well. She had to admit that loving Jane was easy. She didn't need the money or the luxury. She just needed her love and Jane gave it to her in spades. Her life was richer because of Jane and her welcoming family and friends.

"Jane?"

"Hmm," Jane replied as she was still reading.

"I'm ready for bed."

"Okay, Maur," she stated, marking her page, closing the book and looking up to look at Maura's beautiful hazel eyes.

She sat the book down on the table and reached out for Maura. She didn't know what Maura wanted that night or what she needed. She would just hold her and be content. She was leaving everything up to Maura. Like Maura had done for her so many times, Jane would let her lead this adventure.

Maura walked over to the bed. It was summer, so Jane knew that Maura would more than likely be sleeping in the nude. Jane wasn't so sure that she would. She still wasn't secure in herself enough after everything that she'd been through to do that unless Maura was beside her. She figured it was also part of her being a cop. She had to be ready to go. She usually had clothes laid out beside her bed at home. She was restraining herself from doing it there.

Maura watched her. She could see the building anxiety in her eyes. She smiled at Jane and walked around the bed to be closer to her. She knew that Jane was uncomfortable with sleeping nude and she didn't have a problem with that.

"Jane, I'll wear something if it will make you feel better," Maura offered.

"I want you to be comfortable, Maur. Sleep naked if you want. I'll just sleep in boxers and a beater," Jane told her.

Maura shook her head, but smiled. She reached out for Jane and started to undo the buttons of her blouse. Jane moved to stop her, but Maura looked up at her.

"Let me," she stated, and Jane did.

Maura went back to undoing the buttons until the shirt was completely open. She pushed the shirt open a little more, but didn't push it all the way off. She ran her hands across Jane's tight and well-formed abs, before circling her waist. She pulled her forward and further into her own personal space. When she could feel the heat coming from Jane's body, she kissed her chest. It wasn't sloppy or needy. It was almost chaste and reverent. As she continued to kiss, she finally pushed the blouse off of her tan shoulders. Jane's breath hitched as she continued to touch her.

It wasn't until Maura grabbed at her jean covered waist and started on the fly, that Jane actually stopped her. She didn't know what Maura was thinking and her body soooo did not want Maura to stop, but she knew that this wasn't the way. She smiled down at her.

"Get undressed, Maura," Jane said thickly as she tried to keep her libido in check.

Maura's eyes were dancing with mirth and mischief. Jane knew she was in trouble and it would be glorious if she gave in, at least until morning. She took a few steps back to give them both some room and finished undressing. She stripped out of her tight jeans and underwear. When she was naked, she heard Maura's sharp intake of breath as she crossed the room. She grabbed a pair of boxers and a beater, putting them on as she checked the door to make sure it was locked.

She double checked the nightstand for her badge and gun. It was habit and she didn't want to leave them at home. Tomorrow, she'd put them in the safe while they were in Provincetown. But, tonight, they would stay close.

She crossed the room again to the bed. She looked down and saw Maura already there, naked, and in between the sheets. She gave Maura a grin as she got in the bed, too.

"Jane?"

"Hmm?"

"Take off the shirt," Maura told her.

"Why?"

"Because I want to feel you," Maura replied.

Jane sat up and took off the beater. She dropped it on the floor. She laid back down and rolled on her side to face Maura. She could see the tears starting again. She gathered her up and pulled her close, making sure that her ear was near enough to her heart.

"I'm hear, Maur. Just let it out. I've got you," Jane told her.

She knew that they were in for a long night and she was okay with that. She just held Maura until she went to sleep. Every so often, she'd hear Maura whimper and she'd kiss her head, promising her that things would be better in the morning. After an hour or so, Jane fell asleep, too.


	28. Sweet Dreams

**Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)  
**

Jane moaned. She felt wonderful. She couldn't place it. She knew that she was asleep and in Maura's bed, but it felt good. She always slept better when she was with Maura, especially if it was at Maura's.

She felt warm and loved. It wasn't unfamiliar to her, but it was different. She felt safe and content. That was unfamiliar. But, then that was the feeling that she got from Maura. Maura always made her feel wanted, loved, cared for and unbroken. Maura never judged her. She just picked her up, dusted her off, and made her feel strong again. She was glad that she could do the same for Maura.

She was bathing herself in the warmth she felt. It was intoxicating. She realized that she was nude a few minutes later, but she didn't care. She could feel Maura next to her. As long as Maura was there, the scars didn't matter. The demons were kept at bay and she slept like an innocent baby new to the world. Maura gave her that, so when Maura wanted to feel her, she'd let her. It was odd at first, but the more that they slept that way, the more her body craved the delicious feeling of Maura's skin against her own.

Sometimes, even during the day, Jane's body cried out to touch her. Maura was like a blanket and balm wrapped into one. And, Jane could lose herself in Maura's body.

She had been slow to reciprocate anything with Maura, still believing that she was unworthy of the ME's touch or her love. But, Maura gave it to her willingly and it was something that Jane vowed never to abuse. Maura was her light in this dark and lonely world. She would do anything for her, except give up being a cop, and she knew that Maura would never ask her to do that. Now, when she looked at the honey blonde, she couldn't help buy smile and want to kiss her. It was new and it was exciting. Jane had never felt like that with any of her other lovers. There was just something about Maura that just drew her in and kept her there. And, for once, Jane liked it.

She felt the brush of lips against her skin. She smiled. With her eyes still closed against the morning, she reached out to touch Maura. Her hands met the silken, spun gold. She moaned again.

The softness in Maura's touch was almost too much. It was too loving, too desirous, too needy. She didn't want Maura to want for anything. She would willingly give it to her, but Maura's touch could be her undoing. She stroke the blonde's face and went to say something to her when she felt a finger against her mouth.

She kissed the digit and kept quiet as asked. The smile on her face grew bigger. She'd kept her eyes closed as she felt Maura touch her all over. The warmth of her hands drifting over her slowly warming skin as it erupted in goosebumps. She wanted to writhe, but she realized that Maura was on top of her.

She could feel her body nestled in between her legs. The heat was building between them as Maura mapped her body with her hands. Jane felt her breath catch and heard Maura's giggle. She cocked an eyebrow, but kept both her mouth and her eyes closed.

She could feel herself getting wet. She knew that Maura was smiling at her. She could feel Maura's hips moving against her. She moved her hands down until she was guiding Maura's hips in a rhythm against her. She heard both of their breathing getting quicker and more labored.

When Maura's hands cupped her breasts, she felt her soft lips in the valley between them. Roughly she massaged and tweaked them. Her lips moved from the valley to Jane's left side. She nipped and licked, never once giving her time to adjust, but only to feel and enjoy. Jane writhed beneath her trying to find some comfort, some latitude that would give her the release that her body was so desperately craving now.

"Jane," Maura stated as she bit down on her nipple.

Jane stirred. She let the sigh that was building escape between her lips. She wanted to open her eyes. She did. She wanted to see Maura's beautiful hazel eyes as she teased her body into a frenzy.

"Jane, sweetheart," Maura said again as she licked and flicked at the abused nipple under her lips.

Jane felt her body floating like it did in a dream. Her hands were on Maura trying to anchor herself to the bed while Maura continued to drive her to new heights. Maura rubbed her body against her creating the most delicious friction between them, but it just wasn't enough.

"Maur..." she moaned out, almost pleading for her to take her over the edge.

"Jane...love...wake up," Maura told her.

Her breath brushed over Jane's ear and she shivered. She could feel her arousal getting stronger, deeper, wetter. Maura's hands were all over her body again. She was grounding herself in her touch, losing herself in Maura's soft embrace.

"Jane...love...wake up for me," Maura said.

Jane felt her heavy eyes starting to flutter. She could feel the warmth of the summer sun as it came through the windows on her skin. Then, her memory started to catch up with her. She wasn't at Maura's house. They were in Provincetown, in a hotel, and she was semi-naked. Her eyes fluttered harder as Maura pulled on her nipples. Her pleasure/pain threshold grew with each second of delicious and rapturous torture.

"Jane, my love, open those pretty baby browns for me," Maura begged as she rubbed her body against Jane's.

It was in that moment that Jane fell out of that limbo state of being awake and being asleep. She could feel every movement that Maura was making against her. She realized that the boxers she'd put on before bed were missing. She was completely naked and she didn't know how it happened.

Suddenly, her walls were up as her emotions began to dam themselves. Demons were attacking her from the inside, but she knew that she was safe and sound in Maura's arms. There was nothing to be afraid of. She just couldn't help herself. Too many things made her self-conscious when she was naked.

"Jane, I'm here with you," Maura told her.

She woke with a start. First thing she noticed was that Maura really was between her legs. When her eyes met Maura's, she saw the want, the desire, her pure unadulterated lust and desire there. It made Jane gulp in anticipation.

"Are you with me, now?" Maura asked her as she blinked a few times, wondering if it all had been a dream.

"Y-y-yeah, Maur, I'm with you," she stammered out as her hands found purchase on Maura's lower back.

"Good, I was getting lonely playing all by myself," Maura told her as she changed breasts and bit down on the other nipple, hard, before looking back up into Jane's eyes.

"Mmmm...Mauraaa..." Jane moaned.

"Yes, my love?" Maura asked back in response.

"What are our plans for the day?" Jane asked trying to break the spell she was under.

"I figure it was obvious what I want to do...right now," Maura told her as she started licking and biting at Jane's chest.

Jane smiled down at her. She couldn't believe what Maura was suggesting. She looked at Maura with the question in her eyes and was rewarded with a thorough kiss. Maura wasn't letting up and she didn't seem like she was going to stop anytime soon.

Maura thrust her tongue into Jane's mouth. Jane moaned into the kiss and returned the favor. They were both getting lost in their lust and the need for each other. It was then that Jane realized that Maura didn't want soft and sweet. She wanted it rough and hard. She wasn't sure that she could do that, but she would try. She wanted to make Maura happy. She wanted to give her pleasure and if she wanted it rough, then she would do her damnedest to give her that.

"Jane..."

"Hmm?"

"Stop thinking so hard," Maura told her as she started to attack her neck with kisses, licks and bites.

"Who could think with you doing that?" Jane countered.

Maura laughed. It was light and almost jovial. That was when Jane knew that this was more than just an expression of love. This was also an expulsion of emotion. Maura needed this to ground herself. She needed this to feel like she was back in control of her life. She needed to feel alive, desired, and...

"Jane?"

"Hmm?"

"I want you to fuck me."

"Wha-what?"

"I think you heard me, detective. I want you to fuck me. I want you to take me from behind and I want you to do it, now," Maura told her calmly, like she was giving her the results from some report in the crime lab.

Jane looked suffiecently flabbergasted. She didn't know what to do. She was having a sexual awakening with Maura, but this...this was way out of her comfort zone. Maura had been the one that initiated most of their encounters. Maura had been the one to touch her and push her to admit her feelings. But, this...this was the one thing that she wasn't sure that she could give her lover. She didn't want to just fuck Maura. She wanted to love her. She respected her too much just to fuck her.

"Jesus, Jane, there isn't anything to think about right now," Maura huffed as she leaned back to sit on Jane's thighs.

She looked down into Jane's troubled dark chocolate eyes. She could see the worry and the love that she so admired from Jane, but that isn't what she wanted right now. She began to touch herself in hopes that it would spur Jane on. She figured that Jane wouldn't give her what she wanted without being thoroughly and completely turned on, almost to the point of no return. She didn't want Compassionate Jane, right now. She wanted Caveman Jane, Jealous Jane.

"Fuck me, Jane," she told her as she squeezed her own breasts.

Jane's mouth dropped open. Watching Maura touch herself was definitely making her wetter. Her hands, however, didn't move from Maura's waist. She just held her...tighter.

"Take what is yours," Maura urged her.

She was getting over heated. She was hallucinating. She had to be. The prim and proper, but very sexually aware, Maura wouldn't be saying these things to her in bed.

Maura reached over, under the pillow, and grabbed something. She held it up for Jane to see. It was a black leather harness, complete with dildo and plugs. Jane's mind blew.

"Fuck me with this," Maura demanded as she dropped it on Jane's stomach.

_Nope, I am not asleep. This is real. This is very real. She wants me to fuck her. God, that's hot. It's really hot when she says it. But..._

"You aren't going to hurt me, Jane. I know that. You won't let yourself. But, I need you, Jane. I need you to take me. I need you to fuck me."

"Fuuuucccckkkkk..." Jane whispered.

Maura moved just enough for Jane to sit up. As Jane worked her way off the bed, she held the harness with a strange look on her face. She wasn't sure where to put what and how it exactly went on. She had just recently been talking with Maura about toys, but they hadn't gotten to the point. She wasn't even sure when and where Maura got it.

"I can help you," Maura stated as she moved across the bed.

Maura scooted to the edge of the bed and helped Jane as she stepped into the harness. She leisurely ran her fingers through Jane's folds to make sure that she was ready to accept the plug. Once it was seated, Jane pulled the harness up the rest of the way to have it rest on her thin hips. When it was in place, Maura reached out and helped her buckle the straps.

Jane looked down. The sight of Maura on her knees in front of her triggered something primal inside her. Just as she was about to reach down to touch her, Maura looked up into her eyes. She could see the change in Jane's face. They both swallowed hard.

"Jane?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you ready?" Maura asked.

"You still want me to fuck you?"

"Yes, Jane, I do."

"Say it again."

"Say what again."

"Tell me what you want, Maura. Tell me how you want me to take you. Tell me how you want me to fuck you, Maura. Talk to me. I need you tell me," Jane told her, trying to hold on to her integrity and control.

"I want you to fuck me...hard...from behind."

Maura watched her. She saw what her words were doing. She could smell Jane's arousal mixing with her own musk. She knew that she was beyond wet at the moment, but she knew that Jane might need a more visceral push.

She reached out with her right hand and touched the phallus appendage of the strap on. Jane's eyes went wide and wild. With her left hand, she steadied both herself and Jane on Jane's hip. Wrapping her fingers around, she started a slow pump, up and down, making sure to push hard against Jane's core. She knew that it would make the plug go deep, but it would also make the clit stimulation bumps rub just right.

Jane groaned. She was quickly losing her balance because she was getting light headed from the sight before her. Maura on her knees like that wasn't just a fantasy anymore. But, it was something that she promised herself that she would never do to Maura. She wouldn't degrade her that way. But of course, Maura was on her knees, of her own free will, and holding Jane by her dick. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head.

When she opened them, she saw the glint in Maura's eyes and knew that she was in for it. Maura was going to take what she wanted and she was willingly going to give it to her. She didn't care how it looked, because damn it looked fucking hot from her perspective.

Maura continued to pump her. Every time she neared Jane's core, it made Jane's hips move forward. Spurred by Jane's reaction, she leaned forward and took the phallus in her mouth. Her eyes were fixed on Jane's.

"Fuuuccckkk...Maur-aaa..." Jane hissed at the sight.

Finally, she couldn't take it. It was too much, too soon. She knew what Maura wanted, but she wouldn't let her continue to do that.

She reached down and pulled Maura off her. She summoned strength she didn't know she had at the moment. She pulled her off the floor and set her on the bed. Maura looked at her confused for a second and then rolled over. She lifted her ass into the air as she rested on her elbows.

As Jane mounted the bed, Maura told her once again, "Fuck me."

Jane roughly grabbed her hips. She lined herself up behind Maura. Grabbing the strap on with her left hand, she positioned near Maura's clit. She rubbed it against the hard nub a few times and Maura moaned. Her hips were dancing with Jane's beat.

Then, suddenly, and without any preamble, Jane buried herself in Maura as deep as she could. Her fingers dug into Maura's hips and they started a bruising rhythm. Maura moaned and sighed with each stroke in and out. Her voice cracking slightly with fulfillment with each piston in and with need on each down stroke. Jane was doing the best to hang on to her sanity. The sight was too much and she was afraid of cumming before Maura did. She thought of lots of things to stop it and make it hold off as she continued to bury that black phallus in her lover's body.

Over and over she pounded into Maura's body. Loving every stroke, every moan, every delicious rub against her body, Jane was quickly losing her sanity. She gripped Maura's hips tighter. In order to alleviate some of the pressure on her own clit, she leaned down over Maura's back. She moved her left hand up Maura's side to her shoulder where it found purchase between Maura's shoulder and neck. Gripping her tighter, she pulled and pushed with each stroke, throwing her lithe frame and body weight into the action. Maura cried out in pleasure with each movement. The pace was grueling and steady. She never gave Maura time to adjust or to set a more appropriate rhythm. By this point, Jane was so far gone in her pleasure that she didn't realize how hard she was holding onto Maura. She also didn't realize how much Maura was enjoying this.

"That's it, baby, fuck me!" she yelled out as Jane shifted angles again.

Jane's eyes rolled in the back of her head. She let go of Maura's hip and rolled her hand up to her plentiful breast. She squeezed and roughly palmed them, hoping that this would help Maura the absolution and oblivion that she was seeking. It seemed to do the trick. Maura began to buck underneath her, but she didn't stop.

"Yes...yes...fuck me, Jane. Fuck me!"

Jane sped up her pace. She could feel the sweat pooling between them as it rolled of her super heated body. She just kept going. Her pleasure no longer mattered.

"Fuck, Jane. Yes. Yes. Fuck me. Fuck me, baby. Fuuucccckkkkk!" Maura cried out as she came hard against the strap on buried inside her.

Jane thrust forward again, burying it as deep as she could. The sounds of Maura cumming, mixed with the feelings that she causing on the strap on, and Jane's own body's need for release, Jane came with a primal scream before she bit Maura's right shoulder. She buried her head in the crook of Maura's shoulder as they both fell to the bed, spent. Maura didn't want to move. She didn't care that Jane was still inside her. It felt so wonderful to be so close to Jane that way that she didn't want it to end. She wanted to remember this moment for ever.

"Thank you, love," Maura said after she regained her breath.

Jane just nodded. She pulled back and pulled out slowly. After she'd removed herself from Maura, she took the strap on off and dumped it on the floor. She fell onto the bed beside her and gathered her up. For Jane's own sanity, she needed to cuddle. She needed to hold Maura and Maura seemed to understand and need that, too. She allowed Jane to pull her close. Maura put her head in Jane's chest and kissed it. She didn't care that Jane was still sweaty. Jane was hers as much as she was Jane's.

"Go to sleep, Jane. It's still early. We have time before we need to actually start our day," Maura said breaking their panting and silence.

"Huh?"

"It's only seven thirty."

"I think I wouldn't mind waking early if that happened, again," Jane mumbled.

"So, you fuck me and make me yours whenever I ask you to, Jane? Is that what you are saying? Or, are you asking for me to wake you up like that again?"

"Yeah, that..." Jane said before she fell asleep, knowing that her lover, her salvation, was in her arms and there wasn't any other place that she wanted to be at the moment.

Maura leaned up and kiss her softly on the mouth. She smiled when she saw Jane smile back at her. Maybe, she could try something else tomorrow morning if Jane was going to be so eager to please her. She smiled at the thoughts of what they could try together as she fell back asleep in her lover's, her Jane's, arms.


	29. Morning Monsters

**Morning Monsters  
**

Jane woke up feeling rested and well satiated. She was happy. The sun was coming in through the sheers in the window. She couldn't believe that she was in Provincetown with Maura. They were away from Boston and trying to relax. She was relaxed, but she was still upset because of Chang's murder. She knew that she shouldn't feel so happy, but she couldn't help it. She was wrapped up in Maura.

She sighed as she felt Maura melt into her a little more. Her honey gold hair was glowing in the early morning light. It made her look like an angel. And, for Jane, she was. Maura had become her personal angel, her avenger, her lover, her advocate, her challenger, her everything. She turned her head to bury it in Maura's hair and her neck. She used her nose to move Maura's hair a little from her neck and then she saw it.

It wasn't hard to miss. There was no way that she could. She knew that she marked her, but she had no idea that it was so massive and purple. She tried to remember what they had been doing the night before that would have caused her to make such a mark, but she couldn't think of anything.

It had been different, primal even, and she hated to admit that enjoyed taking Maura that way, but if this was a result of such a union, it was something that she wouldn't be doing again. She could only wonder if it hurt. She leaned down to get a closer look at the deep plum, mauled skin before her and she saw the marks within the bruising.

"I bit you?" Jane asked aloud not realizing.

Maura stirred and then turned over. She could see the worry in Jane's face. Her body hurt in a the most delicious way. She smiled up at Jane, but Jane didn't smile back.

"What's wrong, Jane?" she asked immediately.

"I bit you," Jane said again but more as statement this time.

"You did."

"I hurt you," Jane replied.

"No, you didn't."

"You have seen this massive thing, Maur. It's huge. I can see my teeth marks in it."

"It is a sub-dermal hematoma."

"Yeah, I know that it is a bruise. I am the one that gave it to you. I can't believe that I bit you," Jane stated as she rolled over and got out of the bed.

She couldn't face Maura anymore. She'd marked her. She'd hurt her. She'd promised herself that she would never do that and then she went and did it. She couldn't stand herself right now. She needed to get away. She needed to run.

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her wrist. It tightened the more that she pulled to get away. Finally, not able to leave and forgetting how strong Maura could be when she wanted, she was pulled back into the honey blonde's body and held there. Maura wrapped her hands around Jane's torso effectively holding them together, nude.

"Don't run from me, Jane," Maura demanded.

Jane hung her head. She promised that she wouldn't do that either. She was failing Maura in so many ways. She didn't know how to make it better. She couldn't. She wasn't worthy of her. She never had been. She didn't know why she had deluded herself into believing that she was. She just understand why Maura didn't see it. She was broken. She was battered. She was damaged. And, it wasn't just from Hoyt. It was just her life. She wasn't meant to be with anyone for a long period of time. She couldn't keep anyone happy because she would lose interest because she was more worried about the job. Her job was her life.

"Stop!" Maura commanded softly.

Her tone was enough for Jane to collapse. Her body gave out, but Maura held her. She pulled them both back towards the bed. She knew that Jane hated to be naked when she didn't have to be. She was still very self-conscious about her body, her scars, her supposed brokenness. Maura knew better than to let her go. She knew that if she did, Jane would try to run again. No, they needed to talk.

"Yes, you bit me, Jane. I asked you to do it. There is nothing that you did to me that hurt. We had a romp and I enjoyed it. Did you not?"

"A romp? Come on, Maura. It was more than that and we both know it," Jane countered.

"Fine, then use a colloquialism that you are fond of saying so much, we fucked. Is that better? Is that what you needed to hear?" Maura questioned her.

"No, but it is the truth," Jane replied as she hung her head.

Maura grabbed her hands. She knew that Jane wanted to start picking at her scars. It was a tell. It was what she did when she was in an uncomfortable and personal situation. By holding her hands and keeping her from picking at them, she made Jane look at her.

"So we fucked, Jane. There is nothing wrong with that. It was what I needed. You weren't alone in the action. You didn't do anything to hurt me. I actually quite thoroughly enjoyed it. And, seeing as you are upset by the marks on my body, it is something that we will have to work up to doing together again. Because, I am not going to let this stop us or damage our relationship. I love you too much to let you go after something like this. Now, you are going to sit here and you are going to talk to me," Maura told her and when Jane started to object, she reached up and placed one well manicured finger on her lips. "Don't shut me out, Jane. Talk to me. Tell me why you are afraid of what happened. Because I know you are."

"I hurt you."

"Do I look hurt to you?" Maura inquired.

"Well...your skin does."

"They are just bruises, Jane. They will fade. And, the bite didn't hurt. It still doesn't hurt. And, to be honest, I am proud to have it," Maura stated.

"Proud to have it?"

"You've marked me as your own, Jane. No one has every really done that for me. You made it very apparent that I am spoken for and that I am happy with our arrangement. I feel very privileged that you are willing to let everyone know that I am yours, Jane. I know that it isn't very dignified or classy, but it is how I feel. We shared a very primal moment, Jane. There is nothing wrong with that. I also know that it isn't something that we are going to do every time we have intercourse. So, you don't need to worry about the bruises," Maura told her.

"You're sure that I didn't hurt you?"

"Positive, Jane. I cannot lie, remember? Do you see any hives?" Maura asked her as she leaned back enough for Jane to get a full view of her entire body.

"No."

"Then, there is your answer, detective," she teased.

Jane just looked at her. She couldn't believe what Maura was telling her. She held her hands. She brushed her thumbs over Maura's hands.

"Jane, you don't have to be afraid of me."

"I am not afraid of you," Jane told her.

"But, you're still afraid of what we could be together."

"I am not really. I am just waiting for you to realize that I am not worthy of you. I am waiting for me to do something to screw this up."

"Jane..."

"No, Maura, I am just a police officer. I am not worthy of someone of your stature. I'm just a blue collar North End girl," Jane stated.

"So what? I am a doctor. Who cares? I live in Beacon Hill. That's never been a secret. But, I am the daughter of a mob boss and a doctor. I was adopted and raised by a man that was never home and mother that was more worried about her art and causes than she was with me. I am emotionally stunted and socially inept. I have money, but I don't flaunt it. I use it when I need to, but for nothing more. I do enjoy the finer things, but I don't have to have it. I don't care where you're from. I don't care that you are detective. It is you that I care about, Jane. It is only you. You are who I want," Maura told her. "I love you, Jane, the person and everything that makes you up. I don't love you for just one thing."

"I love you, too."

"I want you to listen to me. I know that you aren't going to forget that there are bruises on my body, so I am not going to ask you to. I want you to know that they will fade with time and you didn't hurt me. Marking me while we were sharing a moment was very intimate and not something that I want you to shy away from. If you feel the need to mark me, then mark me, Jane. I am yours to love as I hope that you are mine," Maura said.

"I am."

"Then don't worry about this. I can cover it up with some make up. It looks bad today, but I am sure that it will heal. I am not afraid of you and that is the biggest thing that you need to learn from this. You didn't abuse me. You loved me. There is a huge difference in that. Do you understand that, Jane? I want you to realize that you aren't the monster that you believe you are. Just because you hunt them doesn't mean you are like them," Maura explained.

"Doesn't it?"

"No, it doesn't. You are a strong woman. You are resilient and kind. And, as much as you don't want people to know, you can be soft. But, you are still the badass detective that you try to make everyone see. You project this rough and tumbled exterior, but I know the truth."

"Which is?"

"That you are fiercely loyal and loving. You are selfless to a fault and most of the time to your pain and detriment. You will do anything for the ones that you love, but cross your family and heaven itself wouldn't be able to help who did hurt them. You erected these walls to protect yourself not only because you were youngest and a female to make detective and moved to homicide, but also because of what you've seen and been involved in. Hoyt didn't destroy you like you think he did. He made you more cautious, more loving, more fierce...he made you more. He took the parts of your that made you a good detective and made you better, and do you know why?" Maura asked still rubbing her hands.

"No, why?"

"Because after your pity party for one, you refused to let him keep you down. Sure the thought of him gives you nightmares and that is understandable. But, he didn't beat you. You didn't let him win, Jane. You fought back and you won. You're alive. He isn't. You're better."

"I don't feel better."

"Spoken like a true hero," Maura told her.

"I am not a hero."

"Well, we'll have to agree to disagree on that point."

"Why?" Jane asked.

"I seem to remember a few times where you saved me and when you saved others," Maura answered.

Jane laughed. She knew what Maura meant. She didn't consider herself a hero. She never had. So what that she had a few medals because of the stuff she had done? It didn't mean anything to her, because she was just doing her job. Her job was to protect and serve, so she did even to her own peril. She knew that.

"Now, come back to bed and hold me for a while. I like the feel of you against me...especially when you're naked. It's very...soothing," Maura purred as she pulled her further back into bed and made her lay down beside her.

Jane laughed again as she got settled beside her. Maura snuggled up against her and started to kiss her neck. Jane couldn't help but moan at the contact.

"Don't start something, Doctor, that you can't finish."

"Who said I wasn't planning on finishing?" Maura asked her with a cocked eyebrow and a voice dripping full of sex.


	30. Finesse and Control

**Finesse and Control**

They were back in Boston and things were already worse than before they went on their mini-vacation. Jane was being hunted and they didn't know why or by who. Maura had been kidnapped and Jane blamed herself. She'd moved out and moved in with Frankie, but the nightmares didn't stop. She couldn't bring herself to face Maura. It had been too much for her and there was no amount of talking that Maura was going to do that would make her see reason. Everyone that was near her got hurt and she was determined not to let it happen again. She contemplated quitting for a moment, but quickly decided against it. She realized that she didn't know how to be anything but who she was and she was a damn fine detective.

Maura for her part wasn't giving up on Jane. She knew that she was scared. Hell, if Maura wasn't so busy trying to prove that to Jane that she was safe and sound, she would admit to everyone that she was terrified. But she wasn't afraid for herself, but for Jane. Jane was closing off everyone again. She was angry. She was pissed and she was looking for someone's head to bash in. Whoever was after her wasn't going to survive once Jane got a hold of them. She was slowly turning in front of them all and not even Maura could rein her back in. It was very frightening.

But, Maura wasn't going to let her go without a fight. And, she had hoped that Jane knew that. But, Jane wasn't cooperating. So, Maura knew that she had to take things into her own hands. Jane wasn't going to come willingly and appreciate what she had, then Maura would make her.

She knew that convincing her to come back at stay at Maura's house was going to be a chore. Especially after she'd made a big deal about the cameras and privacy, but Maura knew how to appeal to Jane's protective side. It was all she needed. She would just tell her that she felt more comfortable with Jane there and Jane would stay. It was simple and she could watch over Jane to make sure that she was sleeping regularly and enough.

Korsak and Frankie happily jumped on to this band wagon. They both agreed to drive Angela home at night and make sure that she made it into the guest house safe and sound after her shifts at The Dirty Robber. They had arranged for undercover, plain clothes cops to watch the house from different points on the street and made sure that police presence was beefed up. A patrolman would drive by every half hour and check the street. It was something little, but they knew that Jane appreciated it. Hell all of Boston PD had volunteered in some sort of way to help find out who was after Jane. She might not have a lot of friends but her brothers in blue were going to let her go without one helluva fight. And, neither was the crime lab. They were working every angle they could think of, rational and irrational in hopes that they would find something that would lead them to the maniac after Jane.

Maura knew that she needed more than that. She needed more than just support and loyalty. She needed an outlet. She needed a place to vent and the bag at the station gym wasn't enough. Jane needed to break down. She needed to let it all out so that Maura could help her build it back stronger, better, and ready to tackle the monster that was trying to destroy everything that Jane held dear. And, Maura only knew one way to do that. She needed to give up control to Jane and let Jane know that she could do anything that she wanted. She hadn't given her that, but she knew that Jane needed her control.

She talked with Korsak about making sure that Angela got home that night and to make sure that they weren't disturbed. She didn't know how Jane would react, but she knew that she needed it. Things were out of hand in Jane's life. She needed something to let her remember that she was cared for, loved, and safe at home. Maura didn't give Angela or Korsak the details, but she told them that she was going to take care of Jane.

Jane's frustrations and her need to protect those around her were making her a loose cannon. She hadn't slept properly in days and she hadn't really spent any quality time with Maura. That ended tonight. For one Maura couldn't take that look in her eyes.

Just about time for Jane to leave the precinct for the day, Maura made her way upstairs from the morgue. She saw Jane, half-asleep at her desk. She had case files everywhere and she was desperately searching for a connection between them all and herself. Except for the person that was taunting her and obviously after her, there was no connection that she could find except that whoever it was knew police procedure and information about the BPD.

"Jane," Maura stated as she neared her at the desk.

"Hmm?" Jane responded, most likely automatically rather than realizing that Maura was actually right there beside her.

"Come on. We're going home. I'll make us dinner and then we are going to bed."

"Okay," she replied.

Maura helped her up. When her dark eyes met those of the worried blonde, Jane not only sobered up, but woke fully. She hated to see that look in Maura's eyes.

She just nodded in ascension as Maura helped her into her blazer and towards the elevators. She was honestly too tire to protest. Jane followed her to her car and got in the passenger seat without any fuss. The drive back to Maura's house in Beacon Hill was quiet. Maura knew that Jane was still trying to process things and she was still sorta angry with Korsak for keeping her in the dark about the person after her. Maura however understood both of their reasons. Korsak was trying to protect the case, while Jane was trying to protect everyone. It wasn't that she didn't trust Korsak, she did. She just didn't trust herself or whoever was after her to make the right decision. It hadn't been until Frankie and Maura had told her to back down that she finally relented. Her consolation was that Maura was letting her stay at the house to protect her. Sure, she was staying in the guest room for the time being, even though they were dating, but it was something. She got a little bit of control back.

When they got home, Maura had her sit at the bar while she made dinner. It was something simple and quick. She knew that Jane needed sleep. And, she knew that Jane wasn't really sleeping even though she was staying her guest room.

After dinner, she sent Jane to bed. She knew that she would shower and change, but more than likely, she would be lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling, still trying to solve the case. Maura knew that she had to help her sleep. She needed to help her relax and let some of the tension in her body go. But, she needed to do so in a way that would give Jane back her power and control. She knew that was the main thing that was keeping her so far on edge.

Maura went upstairs to check on Jane. She heard her in the shower, but she wasn't in the guest room. She was in Maura's shower using all the jets trying to relax her body. This made Maura smile because now she knew that even Jane realized how tense she was.

When Jane came out of the bathroom, she was dressed in one of Maura's silk bathrobes. Her hairs was very wavy and obviously towel dried as the water stains on the robe indicated. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Maura in front of her. There was a gleam in Maura's eyes that she couldn't place. She was tired and she wasn't really in the mood for any of Maura's lectures or talks. She tried to shake her off and go to the guest room to sleep. But, Maura stopped her at the end of the bed.

It wasn't a look. It wasn't anything that Maura said. It was what she did. She reached up to the top button on her blouse and slowly undid it. Jane was transfixed by the movement. Maura knew that she had her then. From that button, she moved on to the next, and so on and so forth, until her blouse was completely unbuttoned. Then Maura removed her the blouse and let it fall to the floor. Jane stood there slack jawed. Maura reached behind her back and removed her bra. Jane's eyes followed the movement. The next thing that Jane knew, Maura's hands were on the sash of the robe, but she didn't untie it. She followed the edges of the robe up and pulled them apart exposing Jane's chest. Jane watched as she did this and heard the hitch in her breath. She couldn't take her eyes off of Maura. She wasn't exactly sure what Maura was doing, but she wasn't going to stop her. Thoughts of sleep were becoming a memory.

"Jane?"

"Hmm?" was all she manage.

"Touch me."

Jane reached up and slowly ran her hand across Maura's bare shoulder. She admired the difference between Maura's pale skin and freckles versus her deep tanned, olive Italian coloring. They were polar opposites in every way, from thinking to build. But their contrasts made them perfect for each other, beautiful, and complete.

As her fingers moved slowly up Maura's shoulder to her neck, she leaned forward to kiss her. Maura met her and let her lead the kiss. Maura knew as soon as their lips touched that she was going to let Jane lead this dance. For both their sakes and their mindsets, this is what they needed. To love and to be loved. To cherish and to be cherished. To forget the outside world and all it's troubles. To live inside their own love bubble for just an hour or more. It was cleansing, healing, and very loving.

Her hand stopped just when her thumb was beside her ear, fingers wrapped around her strong Irish chin. She looked deeply into those hazel-green eyes and saw forever. And, for a spit second all her worries disappeared. But, she still felt the need to love the honey blonde in such a way that she would never forget her. She didn't want to mark her. She wanted this to be the softest and most memorable coupling that they had ever had together. She needed this for her own sanity and she knew as their lips brushed one another again that Maura was giving it to her. She was surrendering control in their love making to Jane for the night and that was enough to make Jane wetter than she thought possible.

Jane pushed off the sleeves of the robe until just the sash held it on her body. She pulled Maura into her. The feeling of the ME's skin against her own was powerful and calming. She didn't feel the need to rush. She didn't want to disappoint her. The world outside them and that room just disappeared.

Maura kissed her again and Jane quickly took control. She felt her hands over her exposed back and around to her front. She was losing herself in the softness of Jane's touch. So much so, that she didn't realize when Jane completely undressed her or herself, until Jane was laying down beside her on the bed.

Jane's hands were still. They were rubbing, lightly, softly, against Maura's skin. Touching and memorizing every inch that she could from the position she was in. Her fingers would pause as she neared Maura's breast. Maura didn't think it was possible, but her touch got even lighter. Jane ghosted her fingers across the sensitive flesh of her bosom with her left hand.

It was almost like they were having their first time again. Emotions were high. Touches were soft. And, Jane was going at her pace.

She stayed to the side for a while. Touching softly and memorizing Maura's skin. Watching it as it goose-bumped and then watching her eyes. She felt her soul bonding with Maura in that moment. It didn't matter how close they were ever again. This night that actually became one.

She kissed her way around Maura's shoulders and neck. She could feel the need in Maura's fingertips as they ran over her back, but she never sped up. She sucked on her left earlobe as she moved her body on top of Maura. Kissing her thoroughly again, she pushed herself against Maura's mound. They were both wet and wanting, but Jane never wavered from her speed or her destination. They would get there, but tonight it was on her terms.

Slowly she moved down only to allow her hands to caress Maura's stomach. As her fingers danced across her skin, her lips found purchase on a very hardened nipple. She kissed and she sucked with a feathery tenderness. Maura couldn't help by writhe beneath her. She moaned, more like whined, with each touch closer to her desire, but she never asked for it. She never begged. She gave herself over to Jane to be loved at Jane's leisure.

Jane intertwined their fingers. Pulling one hand up by their heads, she buried it under the pillows. Pushing the other one down, she opened her hand at the last second and placed Maura's hand on her hip. She gave her a gentle nudge and Maura understood that she wanted her to guide their rhythm. As Maura would pull on Jane's hip, Jane would rock forward into her center. Their kiss was getting feverish, but Jane never deepened it. Lips on lips with no tongue, she continued her slow, sensual, sexual dance against Maura's burning body.

When Jane finally made a move to move down her body, Maura's hands buried themselves in Jane's lush, dark locks. At this point, Maura's emotions were very close to the surface and she thought that she was going to burst with love. She knew that it wasn't possible, but her body had other thoughts. Jane came up for a second and looked into her eyes. Again, their souls danced for one another.

As much sex as Maura had and as many times as she and Jane had made love, nothing compared to this. She'd never felt so completely cherished and loved just by the brush of someone's fingers across her skin. Her body was so overcome with emotion that she didn't know if Jane would even have to touch her directly to make her cum. That would be a first for her. And, it was. Minutes later, as Jane was still worshiping her torso and Maura kept kneading her back with aching fingers that were dying to reciprocate, Maura came.

Jane might not have known what she had done had it not been for the small whimper and the smile that Maura gave her. She smiled back at her, but she didn't stop. Slowly, her hand moved further and further down Maura's right side until she found her core. She entered her while never breaking their gaze. She could see the emotion in Maura's eyes and it pushed her further.

Due to her heightened senses and her overwhelming emotions, and the fact that she had just cum, Maura took no time in cumming again. Jane's eyes were dancing as she took her over the cliff again. It was slow and steady. No rush and no roughness in her hands as she urged Maura to oblivion again. When that wasn't enough, she kissed her thoroughly on the mouth and began her descension. Kissing her way down until she met her goal. Then she softly licked at her core. It wasn't about being rushed or making her cum again. It was about making her feel good, Letting her know how much she cared, and giving her everything that Jane could.

As Jane made love to her core, Maura needed something to hold. She reached down and took Jane's left hand in her own. She needed grounding as Jane took her to heights that she'd never had before. She came again with a silent scream and series of whimpers. Knowing that she had succeeded in giving Maura what she wanted, Jane moved up next to her again, to hold her.

It was then that she saw the tears in Maura's eyes. She kissed her and held her. Maura couldn't have asked for more. There was nothing else to give. They were one. They shared their souls. Jane knew that they were happy tears. And, as they drifted off in each other's arms, Jane felt invincible and light. Tomorrow they would deal with the horrors of the world. Tonight they would have each other and that was all they needed.


	31. For Whom the Bell Tolls

**For Whom the Bells Toll**

Maura was in her office with a cup of tea. She held her laptop on her lap and looked over at the table in front of her. There sat a monitor to a GPS tracker. She drank some more of her tea as she stared at the item. She didn't really need it. She'd already been in BRIC and had Nina help her find an cellphone app that she could use on her phone. Once they'd done that, she found the similar program for her laptop. The program was open and running. A blip was blinking on the screen. She sat down her cup of tea and wondered just exactly how she'd gotten to this point. Then it all came rushing back to her.

Jane hadn't taken the new of her brain bleed well. Of course, Jane had had concussion, but nothing to the exstint that Maura's was this time. Maura had seen the murderous look in Jane's eyes and she knew that it mean that Jane was reverting. She was pushing her family away for their own protection while she didn't think about her own. She was fixated on the one person that wanted her dead...Alice Sands.

But, Maura was sidelined, as they say, and she knew it. Her own worries about her brain bleed had made her slow down. No matter how much she wanted to help in the lab, in the field, with Jane, she knew that she couldn't yet. Her brain wasn't ready. It was still trying to heal.

Which is why Kent had become her lackey. He'd placed the tracker on Jane's unmarked car. It had only taken five minutes to convince him to do it. And, in the end, Maura wasn't sure why he agreed, but she didn't care. They were all worried about Jane. The tracker was just another way to make sure that she was safe and not doing anything stupid or terribly "Jane" like.

Maura wasn't sure who she what she was more worried about: Jane's personal safety, Alice's safety and coming justice, or Jane going off the deep end. She also knew that she wasn't the only worried about her. Frankie had taken to making patrols on his off time around Jane's new place since she moved out. Korsak had been looking over Angela at the bar and making sure that she made it home. There were unmarked cars and patrols around all their houses. Even, Kiki, God bless her, had her own tail to make sure that she was safe. The BPD weren't taking any chances. They had seen something like this before with Hoyt. They weren't going to let Alice Sands get Jane without one helluva fight, and that was if Jane didn't take the fight fully to her instead.

And, that is what they were afraid of. Jane was hot headed. She was a cop and she knew the City better than most. She had connections on the street. She had connections with Paddy Doyle, but even Maura was sure that she hadn't gone that far...yet.

But, Jane hadn't been home. She hadn't gone to stay with Maura either. It hurt, but on some level she understood it. The few times that Maura had been able to convince Jane to go home and rest, she'd been with her and they'd gone to Jane's new place. It didn't upset her, but she knew that Jane was pulling away. She could see it in her eyes. She could feel it in her touch. She was losing Jane and this time, she wasn't sure how to fight to get her back.

She rang the bell and Kent came running. She gave him some instruction on the cases that they were working on and left him in charge of the lab. She'd been slowly giving him more responsibility in the lab, but it had been more forceful since her concussion. She trusted him enough to let him be on his own and in charge when she wasn't there. He was also one of the few that could do an autopsy without her permission if the case dictated it. He wasn't just another lab rat. He was her assistant ME, and she thought it was high time he started acting like it. She'd write out new roles for him to follow later. Right now, he was focused on the tasks at hand at that was enough for her. Only because she couldn't. She needed to get out. She needed to talk to someone.

She took a cab, because no one wanted her driving in her condition, least of all herself, to the Dirty Robber. She figured that she could see Angela and things would be okay again. Angela would avert her fears and she would realize that she was just stressed because of the situation.

Angela however didn't share that sentiment when she got there. She was worried about Jane, too. And, she gave Maura some more information that worried her. It was then that she was glad that she'd put the tracker on Jane's car.

"She went to church the other day, Maura," Angela told her. "I don't know that last time that I got her in a church without begging her, much less her going on her own. I think...well...it was when we got TJ baptized. You were there, remember? That was ages ago."

"Why does it bother you that she is going to church all the sudden?" Maura asked her.

"Why doesn't it bother you?"

"I know that Jane has her faith and that has never bothered me. I choose to have science and facts. She believes in God and her gut. Even if I understand the rationale behind it, I don't have to agree with her reasoning. I know that her faith has given her peace and helps her to look for the good in the world. Why would I take that from her?" Maura questioned.

"She isn't going to mass, Maura. She's going to confession, late at night. Father Murphy said she'd been in every night the past few nights. He's worried about her."

"But he can't break the sanctity of the confessional," Maura stated.

"Unless it would cause harm to the parishioner or others, they'd confessed to a crime of murder or rape, no, he can't. And, he hasn't. He just told me that Jane had been in... a lot. And, that he was happy that she was finding her faith again. He hoped that it would help her through her time of need."

"And, this worries you? I would think that it would make you happy. You are from a very Italian Catholic family. Her going back to church would be a good thing, right? Why are you so worried about it?"

"Because she isn't going to be forgiven for something she's done. She's looking for forgiveness for something she is going to do. Maura, she's looking for absolution so she can kill Alice Sands without a guilty conscience. She's hunting the woman down and she wants to know that she has God on her side even if the law isn't."

Maura gasped. She hadn't thought about that. She could tell that Jane was on a downward spiral, but the thought of her seeking God's permission hadn't occurred to her. Her worry went tenfold. Jane was actually out there hunting down this woman. She was no longer thinking rationally about it.

Alice had her kidnapped because she knew what Maura meant to Jane. It was a way to get into Jane's head and to see how she would react. Everything that Alice had done was to set Jane on edge. And, it worked beautifully. But over the last few days, Maura had noticed the change in her behavior. She'd seen the old detective, the brash, young Rizzoli that gung-ho about her job come out again. She hadn't realized that it was a character flaw and a troublesome thing that she should have been worried about. Now, Maura wanted to go out in full panic mode.

She called Frankie to come pick her up from the Robber. He didn't ask and she didn't explain. She knew that he would help her do whatever needed to be done to make sure that Jane was safe and didn't throw away her life.

She shook her head as she waited for him to come get her. The lack of evidence in the case was evidence in itself, but it didn't help Maura. She'd tried every test she could think of. Gotten consults from MIT and the Massachusetts State Crime Lab. Hell, she'd even called the FBI, and she hated doing that considering how much pain they had caused not only herself but Jane in past cases. But, still, they had nothing. She wasn't giving up. She was still looking and she wouldn't stop until they had something that she could say would put Alice Sands away for life.

Just before Frankie pulled up, Maura checked her phone. Jane was at a church once again. She would have Frankie take her there, but they wouldn't go in. She knew that if Jane saw her in the church, she would know. She would know that Maura was losing her trust her about the case. She would know that she was been tracked or followed and Jane would go into hiding. She knew that it was risky, but she needed to know that Jane was still thinking clearly and rationally, even if she wasn't going home to rest like she should.

They pulled up outside St. Vincent's. Frankie looked worried, but he didn't say anything. He simply got out of the car and went inside. He didn't see Jane. He sat down on the side and in the back of the church where he could see most everything, but still no Jane. They'd seen her car, so they knew that this is where she'd come. Why she came to a church so far from home was lost on Frankie, but he was glad that she was at least safe and at church.

He watched all the parishioners. No one stuck out. They all just looked like regular church goers.

He watched her come out of the confessional. Her head was hanging and the father had come out as well. He took her hand and then blessed her. Frankie couldn't make out what he was saying to her, but he watched as Jane just nodded along with what he was saying. He crossed Jane again and then she crossed herself. Whatever blessings he'd bestowed upon his sister, Frankie hoped they'd help. He prayed himself while he watched the private moment between the priest and his sister. When he opened his eyes, Jane was gone and the priest was staring down into the narthex like he was waiting for something to happen.

Frankie took that as his cue to get up and go ask the priest about his sister. He knew that he wouldn't get much because of sanctity of the confessional, but he would just skirt that by asking about his sister's well-being and her state of mind. He didn't care what Jane confessed to. He really didn't. Because even after everything, Frankie still looked up to his big sister. And, now it was his turn to protect her.

"Excuse me, Father, may we talk?" he asked the priest.

"Sure, my son, what can I help you with?"

"The woman you were just speaking with, she's my sister. Is she okay? I know you can't tell me what she talked about, Father, but I am worried about her."

"She is troubled, my son. She is looking for something that no priest can give her. She is looking for something that no one can actually give her."

"Absolution?" Frankie questioned.

"She would get that if she had something to confess, as well you know, my son. But, no, she has nothing to confess. At least not yet, anyway."

"She's going after her, isn't she?" Frankie asked.

"I am not sure what you are referring to, but she did mention that she was going hunting. And something odd about bells. I am not sure that the two are related, but that is all I can tell, my son," the Father told him before turning to walk away.

"Did she say anything about not wanting to hear the bells anymore?" Frankie inquired, suddenly very nervous.

"Yes, why? Is that important? What is it?"

"She came to get absolution for a murder she is going to do. She's a cop. She's looking for vindication. She needs someone to tell her that it will be okay for her to kill the woman that is after her. She needs it in order for her to go out and find her. And, from what I've gathered, you aren't the only priest she's asked."

"I told you, my son, that no priest can give her that. Plus, all I can give her absolution on would be impure thoughts, not the act itself because the act hasn't been committed. And, if it had, I would tell. I am legally bound to tell you. But, that doesn't tell me about the bells," the Father stated.

"She doesn't want to go to another funeral, Father. She is tired of the bells tolling for those she couldn't save. She is tired of being the survivor and a the hero."

And, just then, the bells started ringing marking the hour. They were ominous and torturous for many. But, for Frankie and Maura, they marked the beginning of Jane's descent into madness if they couldn't find her. Each ringing was joyous. It was like a death knell, but they didn't know for who: Jane or Alice.


	32. Run to You

**Run to You**

Maura awoke with a start. She quickly looked around her room. She could see anything that would have disturbed her. She glanced down at her cell. It was still dark and charging. She woke it just to see the time. It was just a little after three thirty. She blinked and laid back down. Her thoughts were everywhere and she doubted that she would go back to sleep anytime soon. With a huff, she got up and prepared to start her day.

After she got out of the shower, she still couldn't shake the feeling that was bothering her. She couldn't name, but something was niggling her. She touched her forehead. The scratch hurt, but that was it. She wondered if besides the minor bleed and the loss of cognitive functions that she'd been experiencing, there was something that the doctors missed. She resigned to go have another CAT scan later that day just to make sure. But, the more she thought about her head, the more she realized that it wasn't what was worrying her. It was Jane. She was still worried about Jane. So much so, that it woke her up.

She tried to push the feeling away, but she couldn't. It was like she knew that something was wrong with the other woman. She decided that it was still too early to call her, so she'd wait.

She went down stairs to make herself something to eat, but the feeling came back. Dropping a spoon on the counter, she leaned over. She touched her head again. She couldn't think of a reasonable reason that she was so worried about Jane. Alice Sands was dead. They'd proven that she'd orchestrated everything to go after Jane, to punish her for being better at being a cop than she was. It was over. There was nothing that Maura could think of that would cause Jane more agitation. She'd been cleared for a good shoot. All the evidence they'd collected finally made all the "witnesses" recant their stories and tell police the truth. Alice Sands had manipulated them all.

After Maura had heard the news that morning, she sent Kent to remove the tracking device from Jane's unmarked car. Frankie told her that Jane was heading back to church. Korsak didn't seemed to worried about her. He knew that shooting her would bother Jane for a while, but she'd get over it as soon as she was cleared. He knew that Jane never took a life without reason. And, until IAD cleared her, Jane would overthink it all until she drove herself crazy. Thankfully, IAD didn't drag their feet. They had already been investigating Jane due to the accusations that Alice had raised after the probable cause hearing. Korsak and Frankie decided not to let that tidbit out because they knew that Jane would come back clean. They had no worries about it, so why was Maura stressing so much about her?

Then, it hit her. She hadn't spent any real quality time with Jane. She'd let Jane keep her distance. She knew that Frankie was looking after her and she had the tracking device. Frankie had told her every time that he caught Jane in the gym beating the bag. He'd even noticed the extra hours she'd been at the range. It was like Jane went into HYPER mode. And, now that she didn't need to be so hyper-vigilant, Jane was alone in the professor's house. No one was with her. They'd all abandoned her as soon as she'd been cleared.

Maura gasped. She ran up stairs. She changed quickly deciding that a shower was not really in order. She needed to get to Jane. Jane needed her. She ran back downstairs and grabbed her purse from the day before and her keys. She was in her Prius and on the way to her friend before she realized that it was nearing four AM.

When she got to the professor house, she let herself in with the key that Jane had given her. Thoughts of asking Jane to move in with her again floated through her mind as she began to make coffee. She knew that Jane would probably be up soon anyway. The stress of the case wouldn't allow her to sleep long, if she did at all. She rummaged through the fridge for the makings of a healthy breakfast and found herself surprised that found something that she would actually make for them both. Then, she'd remembered that she'd done the grocery shopping for Jane a few days earlier.

Jane woke up to smells of bacon, eggs, and coffee. She rolled over and looked at the clock. It was four fifteen and there was breakfast. Her mind ran through the last few days quickly trying to ascertain if she was dreaming or if she was actually awake. She pinched herself and when she felt the pain, she winced. She reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a hair tie. She quickly pulled her hair up and grabbed her Glock before heading downstairs. She was still a little wary of everything due to Alice's case...or cases.

She laughed at herself a little as she caught her reflection in the mirror in the hallway upstairs. She looked like a mess. She was obviously tired. The bags under her eyes had bags of their own. Her hair was messy and unruly, well, more so than usual. She was in a beater and boxers. She had no protection besides her Glock and then it hit her. It was Maura. Maura was the one downstairs making her breakfast.

She gave a quick, self-depreciating laugh. Lowering the Glock to her left side, she started down the stairs into the kitchen again. Maura had been on her to eat, rest and find a way to get her frustrations out due to Alice. She gave Jane the room that she'd demanded with little fight. It was like Maura knew that Jane needed to push everyone away in order to function. She'd been so worried about her family and friends that she hadn't been taking care of herself. She knew that she did that. Her tunnel vision would kick in and nothing mattered but the case. Her health suffered, but she always got her man.

When she rounded the corner of the stairs into the kitchen, Maura was indeed at the stove cooking something. She couldn't help but smile. The honey blonde was so selfless in her love that she gave Jane whatever she needed even if she didn't agree with it. She knew that she needed to make it up to her. Possibly with another trip, but she doubted that Cavannaugh would let her take some more time so soon. Maybe they could swing a long weekend at the Cape or something.

"Maur?" Jane inquired just slightly above a whisper because she didn't want to startle the other woman.

Maura turned around. Her smile lit up the darkened room, but she didn't say anything. She was trying to hold herself together at the sight of a bed-headed but more relaxed Jane.

"Maur?"

"I am sorry if I woke you, Jane. I couldn't sleep and I wanted to...rather, I needed to make sure that you had a good meal this morning. After everything that happened, I just needed to make sure you were eating right. I know how you get during a case, but if you want me to go, I'll go," Maura told her.

"No, don't go. I am glad you're here. It's early, but I don't think that I was sleeping fully anyway," Jane replied.

Jane watched as Maura moved the skillet off the hot eye. Once she was happy with the situation at the stove, Maura crossed the kitchen to Jane. She wanted to take her into her arms, but she didn't want to push Jane too much. She knew that Jane would push back if she did and she already felt far enough away. She didn't want to make the distance between them greater. When she got closer to Jane, she finally noticed the weapon in Jane's hand by her left hip.

"Uh, Jane," Maura started as her eyes stayed on the Glock in Jane's hand.

Jane looked down and around. When she looked back at Maura's eyes, she followed them down to her left hand. Then she realized that Maura was staring at her left hand and the Glock. Jane reached over to the table and sat it down.

"Sorry, habit. I didn't know who was here, so I came prepared," Jane told her as she reached out for Maura, suddenly needing to feel her closer. "I'm sorry that I pushed you away. I told you I wouldn't do that again, and I did. I was just so worried about you."

"I know, Jane. I was worried about you. I think I just needed to see that you were still okay. I am sorry for intruding. I should have called first," Maura told her, hanging her head.

"Is there something else?"

"Not right now, no, there isn't. I just needed to see you. I know that might sound selfish considering everything that we've been through, but I think I honestly didn't want to be alone," Maura answered.

Jane wrapped her arms around her. She didn't know how to make Maura feel better except be there for her. She caused this and she needed to make it better. Maura was her best friend, her lover, the one she loved the most and the one that she couldn't live without.

"Maura..." she said as she kissed her head, pulling her in tighter.

"I just...I'm starting to listen to my intestines," Maura mused.

Jane couldn't help but laugh. She held Maura and didn't let her go. She looked over at the stove.

"Finish breakfast. We'll eat and before the sun gets too high, we'll go for a run. We haven't done that in a while. We'll spend the day together."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, Maura, I am sure."

"And after our run?" Maura asked as she leaned away from Jane still trying to read her face.

"I figured that we could either come back here or go back to your place and take a well deserved nap."

Maura smiled and leaned back into Jane's body. She was enjoying the warmth between them. She'd missed this more than she wanted to say. As much as she healed Jane, Jane did the same for her. She felt herself starting to pull away from crowds and people. Jane was the life of the room. She gave Maura life and to lose it now after so long with it, Maura had felt empty.

She went back to the stove. She placed the pan back on the eye and turned the heat on. She went back to cooking while she heard Jane behind her at the counter. After some opening and closing of drawers and cupboards, she turned to find out that Jane had pulled two plates and some silverware. She'd set the table in anticipation of Maura's breakfast feast. Maura quickly plated the items and sat down.

"So, where did you want to run? Around here or back towards your place?" Jane asked her between bites.

"Which would be more challenging for you?"

"Beckon Hill," Jane offered.

"Then, we'll head back over that way."

"You know if we do that that we'll have to eat again. Ma will make a huge breakfast as soon as she knows that I am there. Are you prepared to eat second breakfast?" Jane inquired.

"Second breakfast?"

"Yeah, the meal between breakfast and lunch. The meal that tides you over until lunch. Sometimes I think you use it instead of lunch," Jane teased.

"You mean brunch?" Maura asked.

"No, I mean second breakfast," Jane replied shaking her head. "We are so going to have to watch the Hobbit now. I can't believe that you didn't get that. But, you know that Ma is going to feed us. She doesn't think that we eat enough."

"In that case, then second breakfast does seem a little tedious. Let's just run here. I am sure that I can find something to exercise in," Maura told her.

"I think I can think of something better than a run to burn some calories and help us release some endorphins, too," Jane suggested with a waggle of her eyebrows.


	33. Easing Fears

**Easing Fears**

Jane lay in bed naked and curled up to Maura. She was scared. Hell, she was terrified. She felt like she was losing Maura and there was nothing that she could do. She put on a brave face, but it was getting exhausting. She buried her head into the crook of Maura's neck and sniffed. She loved her scent. She loved everything about Maura. She loved her fingers. She loved her quick whit and human. It didn't matter anymore for Jane, she loved her. But to see the worry on Maura's face, it scared her to no end. And, early in the day when Maura handed her the typed letter of resignation, all Jane wanted to do was burn it. She didn't though. She took it and she hid it in the back of Maura's chest of drawers. She didn't want it and she wasn't going to turn it end...unless things got really bad for Maura.

She still wasn't sure what to do. She just held her closer. Breathing in her scent again, Jane laid a kiss on her neck. Her mind was racing and she was trying to quieten it with Maura's silent strength. Jane had been doing her own research into Maura's condition. She tried to brush it all off like it was nothing, but she was afraid. She couldn't show it though. She needed to be strong for Maura. So, it was moments like this, where she let her guard down and let Maura's beauty and poise, even in her sleep, fill her up for the day.

She was worried about Maura's surgery, but she didn't want anyone to know. She figured that if she hid it, then it wasn't real. She knew that it didn't work in other parts of her life, but she was still trying. She didn't want Maura to know how scared she was.

But, she knew that Maura was more scared than she wanted to admit. Her mother coming made it a bigger deal than she wanted. Hope made it more real for them both. Maura told Hope not to come but she couldn't stop it from happening. They both knew that Hope was going to show up and hang around. Hope was also going to check into the doctors that were doing the surgery. She would want to make sure that Maura was cared for. It would be weird for them. Their relationship was strained and almost non-existent. It was added stress, but Maura would welcome it only because she was her birth mother. She would give her the olive branch.

The fact that she caught a case on the same day that Maura was having her surgery was a God send. She wouldn't tell Maura that. She didn't have the courage to, because she didn't want to make Maura worry more. The case would help her focus on something else until she could be with Maura again and she would got full course until then. It was what she did.

Jane used the case like she always did when she didn't want to deal. She was good in the zone, and then she saw Maura back at the precinct like nothing had happened the day before. Maura was still Dr. Smartypants. Nothing had really changed and that was the best outcome.

She was still worried because Maura was. She knew that surgery had gone well and Maura wasn't having as many symptoms as before, but Maura couldn't shake her fears. So, Jane resolved that she would help her anyway she could. If Maura feared losing her memories, Jane would document everything that she could. If she was afraid of losing skills, then Jane would help her practice as much as possible. Jane had started looking into things. She wanted Maura to be safe, happy, and care for no matter what happened with her brain.

Jane had even been looking into fencing lessons. She was planning a trip for them to take together. Jane had even agreed with Hope's overture to have Maura work with her in the clinics. She was happier when Maura started actually thinking about it. Using her medical knowledge to help living was something new for Maura to do. It would help with her building new neural pathways.

"Jane?" Maura asked as she rolled over and noticed that Jane was holding her so tightly in bed.

Jane quickly looked at the clock. It was still early. They had time before they had to get up.

"Sorry if I woke you," Jane told her.

"Are you still worried about going to the FBI Academy, Jane?"

"No, I am not. I know what I am going to say. I know what I am going to do with them. I am just surprised that they want me to come there and talk," Jane answered as she rolled over onto her back.

"It's okay if you are, Jane. But, it is an honor that they've asked you. Your arrest record to conviction rate is a good indicator of your detective skills. Maybe you can teach the new generation how to be better agents by your example. If they can learn one bit of what you know, then they'll be extremely lucky. Who knows, you might even have to help consult on a case with one of them later? Or, they might come here because of case and knowing you would help the BPD and FBI relations," Maura suggested.

"That is definitely not going to happen. We both know that FBI doesn't like to share. Almost as much as I don't, so there shouldn't be a problem," Jane replied.

Maura had to giggle at that. She knew that Jane didn't like to share, especially when it came to a case. Agent Dean had made all of BPD angry, but more importantly he'd messed with a good thing when it came to Rizzoli and Isles, during the crazy case where Doyle got shot. That was a bad time for all. So the when the FBI was involved, they were all a little on edge and waiting for something to happen that would derail a case or cause problems amongst the detectives.

"So, why are you really up so early if you aren't worried about teaching with the FBI?" Maura asked as she reached over to stroke Jane's face.

"I was just watching you sleep. I know its creepy, but I like seeing you like that. You're so peaceful and relaxed. I know you do the same to me. You are the only person that I let see me like that. And, I am extremely proud that you trust me enough to see you like that," Jane said.

"That is very sweet, Jane, but it doesn't answer my question. What is bothering you? It isn't me sleeping. It isn't the FBI. Is it something at work?"

"No, no...that's not it."

Maura rolled up further on her side so she could look down into Jane's eyes. Her usually dark eyes were, but they see seemed to be happy. She brushed Jane's hair away from her forehead. She leaned down and kissed her. It was soft and sweet and very loving.

Jane kissed her back. She pulled Maura fully on top of her. She held her delicately. As their kiss deepened, Jane rolled them both over so she was on top. She gazed down into Maura's eyes. Watching the brilliant green turn darker, she just smiled. It wasn't like she didn't want to kiss her. She did...so much.

"Are you sure that you want to be with me?" Jane asked her.

Maura just stared at her. She knew that Jane would need reassurance. She reached up and held Jane's cheek.

"Jane, if I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't. Why are you asking me this? What happened?"

"I am cop, Maura. I get into situations that I can't control. I get hurt. Things happen," Jane told her.

"I know that, Jane. I've worked with you on cases. I've patched you up more times than I want to talk about," Maura replied.

Jane rolled her eyes. She kept herself up over Maura on her arms. Maura held onto her. She knew that Jane needed to seem more powerful. It gave her a sense of completion and control. It was something that Maura allowed her to have when she needed. It was also something that she took from Jane when she needed to. And right now, she wasn't sure what Jane needed and it bothered her.

"What do you need me to do?" Maura asked her.

Jane fell down on to Maura. She kept herself up just enough to keep most of weight off of Jane. She buried her head into Maura's neck. She sniffed hard and then began kissing her again. She needed the closeness. She needed to feel Maura beneath her. She needed to know that Maura loved her and she needed for Maura to know that she loved her. Maura understood then. Jane needed to be held. She didn't need sex. She just needed love.

"I love you," Maura said.

Jane mumbled as she continued to kiss and lick at Maura's neck. Her hands moved down the bed and grabbed Maura's hips. She held her to the bed. She pushed her into the mattress as she started moving further down her neck to her collar area. She kissed her way across her shoulders. It was like she was trying to kiss every freckle on Maura's shoulders.

As Jane kissed her, Maura moved beneath her. She knew that Jane didn't need sex, but with every kiss that Jane made, Maura got hotter. She wasn't going to push Jane to go faster, but she wasn't _not_ going to react. She ran her hands down Jane's back until she hit the sheet. She pushed it down to Jane's ass. She dug her fingertips into Jane's back. She felt her muscled rippling beneath the tips of her fingers. The warmth of Jane's skin burned her hands, but she never stopped touching. She needed the connection as much as Jane did.

"I love you, too," Jane replied taking a quick breath before she moved down some more.

Maura smiled and gasped. She couldn't stop herself as Jane took a breast into her mouth. She lathed it with her tongue. She bathed it with her love. Maura was just holding on as Jane drove her to new heights. She raised her hips up into Jane's. She moaned and she rocked.

"Maura..."

"Yes?" she moaned out as Jane continued to torture her chest with kisses, licks, and small bites.

"I don't want to go to Quantico. I want to stay here with you," Jane wined.

"Then you shouldn't have committed to teaching at the Academy, Jane. I know that you might not see yourself as a good teacher, but you are. Look at Frankie. You've helped him develop as a detective. You are one of the most decorated cops in Boston. You've brought down serial killers and your own personal stalker. You are an amazing person and they are lucky to have you. But, right now, I don't care about any of that and I doubt that you do either," Maura told her.

"I'm not?"

"No, you're not. You wanted loving and I'm more than happy to give it you. But, right now, I want you to take me. I don't care how you do it, but make me cum."

Jane leaned up with a large smile on her face. She was more than happy at that point to prove her want to more. So, she took a quick look at the clock. She had time and she would. She smiled and then kissed Maura thoroughly again.

"As you wish," Jane said as she kissed her way down Maura's body.


	34. Things Fall Apart

**Things Fall Apart**

Jane sat on the front steps of Maura's house. She was wringing her hands and picking at her scars. She was worried. She wasn't upset about what happened while she was at the FBI. She wasn't even phased by the stint she did in county lock up. She was more worried about what she was thinking when it came to Maura. She was scared to death that Maura was actually going to say something that she couldn't be prepared for and that was the worst. Jane knew that Maura was always a wild card. She was known to be unpredictable when it came to certain topics, and Jane was one of her worst.

She just sat there. She rubbed her arm. She watched her hand and it ran up and down her arm. The tattoo was still there and if what Maura told was right, it would be there for another week or less. Jane thought about rubbing it off, scrubbing until it was gone, but she had to admire it at the same time. It did make her look a little more bad ass. And, she didn't need to feel more bad ass at the moment. She wanted to just be with Maura and know that everything was going to work out in her favor. The world seemed to be tilting on a new axis and she wasn't sure that she could hang on anymore.

Maura pulled up in her Prius. She saw Jane on her front steps and it made her pause. She could tell that Jane was thinking and she seemed to be thinking very hard. She knew that it was something important if Jane was there. It made her heart drop. She thought that this was it. Jane was breaking up with her and she was doing it because she didn't want either one of them to worry about the feelings of the other. It had been a constant fight they'd had. She'd hoped that they were past it, but she wasn't sure that her arguments had worked. Jane seemed to have agreed with her, but it could have been wishful thinking on Maura's part. She still wasn't that great with social cues and Jane knew it. Had Jane just been nice to her? She gathered her things and instead of walking to the back door to enter her house, she went to the front door where Jane was sitting.

"Hey," Jane said as she stood up to greet Maura.

"Hello. Been here long?"

"No, just a few minutes. Korsak said he saw you leave the station and that he didn't need me to come back, so I headed over here. I hope you don't mind. I wanted to talk to you. I need to talk to you," Jane told her.

Maura just nodded as she reached into her purse and pulled out her key. She didn't know what to say in reply, so she didn't. She just opened the door and walked inside knowing that Jane would follow her. She would let Jane do this at her pace. She wasn't going to push her because pushing her would make Jane angry. And, when Jane was angry, she didn't always think straight. She lashed out as she tried to hold herself in check. And, as volatile as Maura thought the situation might be, she didn't want to make it any worse.

"Would you like something to eat or drink?" Maura asked as she moved through the house to her kitchen.

The question was more for herself than for Jane. She was afraid as they were in the house that if she turned and looked at Jane her heart would break. So she found something to busy herself. It was late enough in the day for her to make a quick supper if Jane was hungry. She would probably just have a salad if Jane didn't, or once Jane left. Jane followed her into the kitchen and stopped her as she opened the fridge.

"Maura..."

She spun her around and kissed her furiously. Maura seemed to be surprised but she eventually gave in and kissed Jane back. Jane reached over and held her hips tighter. She wanted to memorize what Maura felt like in her hands. She was taken the job with the FBI and she wouldn't have Maura with her. She needed Maura. And, she hoped that Maura still needed her.

As their kiss progressed, Jane felt her need grow. She picked Maura up and placed her on the counter. She waited for the normal admonishment, but it didn't come. Maura instead moved her skirt up to allow Jane to stand between her legs. Jane placed her hands on Maura's thighs. She did so that she wouldn't rip Maura's blouse open. Maura just looked into her eyes as soon as she Jane looked up into her face. Her dark eyes were so full of emotion and so expressive. Maura reached down to Jane's hands and pulled them up to her blouse. She just stared up into Maura's beautiful eyes. She lost herself for a moment. They were just lost in each other.

"Jane?"

"Maura..."

Maura leaned forward and kissed her again. That is when Jane lost it. She grabbed the two side of Maura's blouse and ripped it apart. The buttons scattered around the kitchen, but in that moment, Maura could bring herself to care. She wanted Jane's touch and she didn't care that they were in her kitchen or on her counter. Jane couldn't resist. She leaned into the kiss. She quickly escalated it.

The need to feel overwhelmed them both. Jane tore her short sleeved, light blue, v-neck from her body. Then, she removed Maura's blouse completely. She needed the feel of Maura's skin beneath her fingertips. She ran her hands all over Maura's torso like she was trying to memorize the way she felt under her touch. Maura responded by arching towards her and moaning.

Jane needed more. She pulled at Maura's thighs until they were off the counter. As soon as she had Maura high enough, she shoved her skirt up over her hips. She tore at her thong until it broke and she pulled it free. She leaned in and took a deep breath. She buried her head in Maura's neck. She kissed her there and took as many deep breaths as she could as she continued to love on her. Finally, Jane pushed two fingers into her and started pumping.

"Jane..." Maura moaned in surprise.

She grabbed a hold of Jane's shoulders and pulled her closer. Dropping her head back between her own shoulders, Maura continued to moan as Jane pistoned inside her. Pushing and pulling, Jane didn't stop. She couldn't. She needed to hear Maura cum. She needed to know that she was the one bringing her to pleasure, that it was her touch that made Maura wet, that it was her kiss that Maura yearned for, and that she was the one that Maura loved.

"Yes, Jane...yes..." she panted.

It was that sound that made Jane slow down. She wanted Maura to cum, but she wasn't sure that she wanted it to be so fast. She wanted to give her pleasure and make her sated. So, she sought out that one spot that she knew would drive Maura wild and made her that her slow strokes hit it every time. Maura gripped her tighter. Her hands slipped down Jane's arms and dug into her biceps. She knew that there would be bruises later, but neither of them cared at the moment. They were both too busy seeking Maura's pleasure.

"Jane..." Maura moaned.

"Yes, Maura...let me hear you. Cum for me, baby. Let go," Jane told her.

And, she did. Maura let out a primal cry as she fell into Jane further. Jane took her weight and held her as tightly as she could with one arm. Kissing her neck, the side of her face, and temples, Jane waited for her to come back to Earth.

"I love you," Jane told her as soon as she saw her clear hazel eyes looking into hers.

"I love you, too."

Jane smiled. She helped ease Maura off the counter, but held on to her until she knew that Maura was steady enough on her own. Holding her, Jane stared into her eyes and lost herself, again.

"What is it, Jane?"

Jane didn't answer. She just leaned in and kissed her. Holding her tight, remembering everything that they shared, she couldn't let go. She didn't want to, but she knew that she would.

"Is this about the job offer from the FBI?"

"Yes," Jane whispered.

She buried her head in Maura's neck again. She didn't want to see the hurt in her eyes. She hated herself in that moment, but she knew that it was a good opportunity. It was safer.

"You took it?" Maura asked her, voice breaking.

"Yes, I did."

"Okay," Maura replied, her voice steadying.

"You're mad?"

"No, I am not. I know that it is a safer job. I know that you would be able to help with the newer generations of investigators. I know that your mother has been constantly on you about finding a new job. This gives you that."

"But, what about us?" Jane asked her.

"What about us, Jane? You've made your decision. Besides, you know that I wouldn't talk you out of it anyway."

"I don't want to lose you."

"You aren't going to lose me, Jane. I promised you that. No matter what happened between us, you were never going to lose me. I wasn't going to let you out of my life. I don't care that you are moving to DC. I will come down there and visit. I am not going to let you go that easily," Maura told her.

Jane just stared at her. She didn't know what to say. Maura still wanted her, but she was going to be miles away, hours away. She would miss Maura so much, but she needed to do this. It wasn't just for her, but her family and friends. Jane could be reckless and this was a way for her to prove that she didn't have to be on the streets to help stop the criminals. She would still be helping without being in the field all the time.

"I know why you did it, Jane."

"But, you're still upset," Jane replied.

"Wouldn't you be upset if I made a decision like that without your input. Unfortunately, I know that you used my input. I also know that you didn't come to this choice lightly. I know that you thought about it for a long time before you told them an answer. I also know that after everything with Alice Sands, that you've spent more time at church. So, it is safe to say that you've prayed over it, too. I am not going to stop you, Jane, but like I said before, I am not going to let you go willingly. I will come see you every chance that I get. I am also aware that you will have most weekends off, which means that I will make sure that I have weekends off. So at the very least, I will see you every weekend no matter what," Maura told her quite succinctly.

"You promise?"

"Of course, I promise, Jane. You know I cannot lie. But, you are going to have to tell your mother and Frankie. And, Korsak, too, but I don't think that he'll be that upset with you, either," Maura stated.

"Why is that?"

"Because I know that he has been talking with Kiki about retiring. Maybe, it's time. Maybe it's time for all of us to close this chapter and open another one. I've been working on my book. So, we'll see how that goes. But, never forget that I love you, Jane. And, I want you to be happy," Maura told her.

"I never could forget that you love me, Maura. No matter what happens, I will always love you. Here or there, you are the one for me," Jane told her.


	35. Closing Time

**Closing Time**

Maura sat on her couch with one of her latest medical journals. She was flipping through it and looking at the names of those published. Soon, she knew, that this wouldn't matter to her anymore. Being a published medical examiner was great and a lot of her work was peer reviewed and validated world wide, but that didn't mean that it gave her the same satisfaction that it used to. When it was suggested that she write about her experiences as the Chief Medical Examiner of the Common Wealth and the cases that she'd worked on in Boston, she seemed anxious and thrilled at the same time. Writing fiction based on fact had never occurred to her because of her issues with lying. She was finding that writing the stories helped her deal with her sense of loss. It was a form of nostalgia that kept her memories alive. Of course, she didn't embellish as much as she was sure her editor would like her to, but she tried to keep everything believable.

As she continued to flip through the pages of the journal, she realized that she was humming a song. It seemed fitting for the moment. Korsak had retired and gave his last "Ocean Frank" over the radio after thirty-two years of service on the force. She was glad that she could help him find the killer in a case that he'd been following since he was a teenager. She helped give him closure in the case that made him want to be a detective. Now, he was running the Dirty Robber full time with Kiki and Angela's help. And honestly, she couldn't be happier for him.

The news of Frankie and Nina getting engaged was a shock, but not that big of one. They had been getting closer and they were good for each other. She knew that Angela approved and Frankie was happy. That was the biggest thing. Jane was happy for him, too. And, even though Nina was on the force and did field work sometimes with the detectives in homicide, her real station was within the BRIC, so there was no conflict of interest for the brass. Maura was happy for Frankie, or Frank as he was going by now. He'd grown up into a wonderful man and was settling down into his own life.

The radio in the background for once wasn't playing classical music. She had taken to listening to different music, mostly some older pop and rock, thanks to Jane's intervention. It gave her the sense that Jane was still near by. And with that thought, she could make it through her the day until her nightly Skype call with the Jane. They spoke regularly through chats and emails, but it was that nightly call that helped Maura know that Jane had the right decision in going to work for the FBI. It was still hard. She wouldn't say it wasn't, but Angela, Frankie, and Tommy were looking out for her. She still had the family that Jane helped her build in Boston. Jane was the only thing missing.

She sat back on the couch and reached to the side table to pick up her glass of wine. She took a measured sip and sat it back down. She let out a sigh she didn't know that she was holding. She had to admit that she was lonely. She missed Jane more than she wanted to let on. And, not that Frankie hadn't become a great detective, thanks in part to the teachings of Jane and Korsak, he wasn't them. He tried. And, so did Nina, but they both knew that it wasn't the same for Maura. And, no one blamed Maura for having bad days or stopping to call Jane in the middle of a case to bounce an idea off her. Hell, Maura heard Frankie do the same thing.

The month that she'd spent in Paris with Jane had been sublime. She'd been happy, but she knew that their time together had been limited. For the first time in her life, she lived it up. She knew that Jane was to blame for that, but it was amazing. She'd seen Paris through Jane's eyes. The wonder and the amazement had been refreshing. She took her everywhere that she could think of and not just the museums and art galleries. Even though she knew that Jane secretly like those, she took her to little cafes and street shops that only locals would visit. She didn't just do the touristy things with her. She showed Jane the city that she loved almost as much as she loved Boston. And in the end, she knew that she would always have Paris with Jane. It was a sobering thought, but it was still lovely and beautiful, like Jane. Paris made her fall in love with Jane all over again. It was the greatest month in her life, but then the day came for them to come back to Boston. Maura found herself not wanting to come home.

Jane could sense her apprehension and understood it. Coming back to Boston meant that Jane was leaving for DC soon. And, no matter how much she helped Jane pack or look for a place to stay, it was still Jane leaving. Her heart was walking away. And, it wasn't because they didn't love each other. It was because Jane needed this. She needed to prove to herself that she could actually settle and be...just be...without having to be the one chasing the bad guy all the time. Maura knew that it was it was going to be a learning curve for them both, but she didn't realize how much it was going to hurt her in the end. She smiled as Jane got in the SUV she'd bought hauling the U-Haul behind it. Everything that was Jane was packed in that cargo trailer and it still didn't seem real.

But reality hit her hard that night as she went to bed alone for the first time in months. There was no denying that Jane wasn't there to keep her warm. There was no denying that Jane was gone when she woke up alone in the morning. She immediately missed Jane's soft snore, the way she tangled up in Maura during the night, and the way Jane would kiss her and beg for more time to sleep when the alarm went off. Her arms would be circled around Jane's pillow and she would breath deeply trying to take in her scent. It would have to be enough to get her through the day, but she was find the scent was more and more lacking. The Skype chats left much to be desired. Sure, she could see her love but she still couldn't touch her.

She picked up her cell off the coffee table. She scrolled through her icons until she found her calendar. It was just a few more days and then she would make the trek to DC to be with Jane for the weekend. She laughed at the fact that she was already packed. Her tickets were already bought and a rental car, a hybrid of course, would be waiting for her at Dulles. Everything was ready for an early afternoon flight on Friday. She'd even made sure to have her returning flight be as late as she dared on Sunday. She wanted to spend as much time as she could with Jane.

She sat down the medical journal and picked up her tablet. It wasn't too early to Skype Jane, but she didn't want to seem needy. So, she'd wait for Jane to call her instead. She pulled up her email and checked it, both her personal and her morgue. She found her confirmation for her flight and with it the availibility to take an earlier flight if she wanted. Oh, she wanted to go to DC, quick, fast and in a hurry, but she was trying to respect Jane's wishes. This was her weekend to go to DC and next weekend Jane would be coming up to Boston.

She looked at her daily calendar on the tablet. She really didn't have anything to do until next week when she was preparing for court. She had plenty of time and she was her own boss. She only reported to the governor. She could take the time if she wanted, but then she wondered. Was this what Jane wanted? Her curiosity got the better of her and she opened the Skype app. She called Jane. It rang only twice.

"Hey, babe," Jane greeted her.

Maura smiled her. She took in the wild, dark, curly mane and the deep dimples. It was her Jane. She was happy and she seemed excited to see Maura.

"Hello, Jane," she answered.

"Why you calling so early? Did something happen? Is it a case?"

"No, nothing like that, I just missed you and I wanted to talk to you," Maura answered her truthfully.

She saw the look in Jane's eyes as she studied her face. She knew that Jane was looking for signs of her lying and she knew that Jane wouldn't find any. She was missing Jane. It may not have been the full reason for her calling Jane, but it was enough.

"Aww, sweetie, I miss you, too. But, you'll be here Friday afternoon and I got us tickets to the opera."

"The opera?"

"Yeah, they're doing that one that you like so much, so I got us tickets. I thought that you'd like to go. I wanted to take you out. You know, a nice dinner and the opera. I wanted a date night," Jane told her and paused for several moments before she continued. "It was stupid. I'm sorry. We don't have to go."

"Jane, you've bought the tickets?"

"Yes?" she replied more as a question than an answer.

"And they were expensive, yes?" Maura inquired.

"Yeah," Jane replied.

"Then, we will go. I have just the dress for it. I hope that you've selected something nice to wear."

"Well...I was kinda hoping that you would take me shopping Friday night and we could find something," Jane mused.

"Jane, you hate shopping," Maura stated.

"Not with you."

"But there simply won't be enough time to get you something fitting on Friday night because the opera would be Saturday night, correct?"

"Yeah," Jane replied.

"Well, I'll just call Nicole and get her to find me something for you. I'll bring it with me. She still has your measurements from Korsak's wedding. And, this way we can coordinate. Have you schedule for a car? Because I am sure that you aren't going to want to drive that late."

"No?"

"Well, I'll call the service. I am sure that it can be arranged. Mother has a standing account with a service in DC because of all the art galleries. I'll just use it. No worries, Jane. Everything will be taken care of. Now, tell me. Do you want a suit or a dress for this?"

"Whichever you would prefer," Jane told her as her eyes began to smolder.

Maura felt her breath hitch. This is what she missed. The way the smokiness of Jane's voice made her feel. The way the look in Jane's eyes would turn her on so quickly. No lover had ever been able to do that to her, not even Ian. He came close, but he was definitely no Jane.

"Hmm...then it will be a surprise."

"Good."

"Well, I'm glad you called early. The cadets have an early exam and then depending on their grades might get early dismissal. So, I should really head to bed. I love you, Maura. I can't wait to hold you," Jane told her.

"I love you, too, darling. And, I'll be there soon enough. Sweet dreams, my love," Maura replied.

She already was changing her ticket. She emailed Nicole quickly and told her what she wanted. She was surprised when Nicole answered her quickly. She smiled as she read her email. She got the confirmation of the change in her ticket. She called the car service in DC and arranged to be picked up at Dulles. She then cancelled her reservation for the rental. She couldn't believe how quickly she'd gotten everything together.

She called Angela and let her know that she would be leaving a few days early for DC, but not to worry. There was nothing wrong with Jane. She left the care instructions for Bass for her as she ran up stairs to repack for her trip. She looked at the clock. She still had time. If she hurried, she could be to Jane's before Jane actually went to bed. It was just passed six now. She could be in at Jane's by ten, but she had to hurry. She grabbed her luggage and headed towards Nicole's shop to pick up her dress and Jane's outfit. Things were looking up. And, she knew that it was going to be a good weekend for them both.

She pulled up to Nicole's just as she was getting ready to close.

"You'll have to get me pictures of her in that," Nicole told her. "I don't dress just anyone, darling. And, you know that. Jane and you could be my muses if I ever wanted to be a huge designer. Enjoy it, darling. Now, go. I am sure that you have a plane to catch. And, enjoy the show."

Maura gave her a very generous tip for quick work, but even Maura knew that Nicole loved dressing Jane. She probably had the outfit packed away waiting for Maura to call her. Since she was already finishing Maura's dress for the Isles Foundation Gala at the end of the month, it was easy to pair it with the other outfit. Maura would have to make sure to give Nicole a hefty tip once she got back because she knew that she would need a new dress for the gala. But, seeing Jane right now was more important.

She made it to the airport in record time. She called Frankie to come pick up her car and take it back to her house to avoid long term parking, because honestly she didn't know if she would be coming back on Sunday. And, if she did, she'd call a cab. For her, it was no big deal. She checked in and boarded her flight quickly. The perks of her VIP status and frequent flyer miles, and landed in Dulles about an hour and half later. There was a limo waiting for her at the gate and she gave the driver Jane's address.

She closed her eyes as she rode through DC. It wasn't the same as Boston, but it was still a big enough city. She didn't care about the scenery. She just wanted to be with Jane. When she pulled up in front of Jane's house in Woodbridge, she knew that this was the right thing to do. She got her luggage and walked up to the front door. She rang the bell and waited.

A few minutes went by and then a very disheveled Jane opened the door, "Maura?"

"I couldn't wait to see you," Maura told her.

Jane just lifted her off the ground and kissed her. Maura waved off the driver as Jane lead her inside. They kissed again.

"I told you I loved your surprises," Jane said as she pulled her upstairs to the bedroom without a second thought.


End file.
